Unfortunately this is a school one

[Harleyisme]

I am looking for some perspective.

Dc is in reception class so hasnt been in school long. Dc also has sen with no diagnosis at the moment. Dc is in nappies ( i dont want a whole thread of if i think school shluld have to deal with it. Dc is in nappies for a reason and trust me i would rather him be using a toilet than having to be still changing nappies).

Dc is struggling at school. Hes fine when there from what school are saying they say his behaviour is fine and hes eating. Dc is a very anxious child and always has been but is very good at keeping it together at school.
I have had parents approachme and tell me that there dcs are telling them my dc cries alot school saying hes not.
My dc will make passing comments like Teacher A says i am a baby. Teacher B gets angry at me weeing in my nappy. Teacher C said its about time mummy told us we you are weeing on the toilet ay home ( hes trying to but isn't manging he has no control). He also has food issues and says Teacher A gets angry at him wasting food. My dc wont talk about anything after hes made these comments as hes worried people with get angry with. He says he just wants to make his teachers happy but finds it too much and that they are just angry at him. Hes slowly become a very emotional little boy whos scared to talk, refusing to eat before school and waking in the night struggling to get back to sleep and sobbing. He says hes useless that people won't play with him because they have realised how useless he is. I spend all my time telling him how great he is and pointing out all the amazing things he does. I have struggled to get a meeting with senco as shes to busy and she got the school receptionist to call is Thursday and tell us that she hasn't had any issues brought up from his teacher that we shouldn't worry as parents as in schools opnion none of this is happening and his needs are being meet. She said the senco would try phone is Monday but she's far tp busy.
Now i dont want to be difficult but my dcs getting this from somewhere and hes feeling like this for a reason. Also his teacher on Thursday and Friday morning has been very passive aggressive with me in the mornings which worries me how she will be with dc.
The thing is that bothers me is because dc is a very well behaved child they think all is fine. They seem to have only have interst in children who are miss behaving and theres a few children in my dcs clasa that they are struggling with behaviour issues. I am worried he's going to get over looked because he's a lovely little boy.
I am wondering whats best foot forward persist on a meeting to sort things out and not give up till someone takes me seriously which really is what i need to do but i am worried about this as i want whats best for my dc but people won't communicate with me as i was in the past told i was negative towards my dc when i would tell nursery how my dc was saying hes struggling and feeling because they didn't see it. All this was documented in an educational phsycologists report and it waa started i should only tell people what he was doing good at and not tell people what he was struggling with.

You need, my love, an EHC needs assessment. From what you’ve said you will already pass the legal threshold, and clearly if they’re sending out Connors, his SLT has suspicions and his school placement is breaking down, there’s something going on.

The EHC assessment will pull together the reports and assessments from the professionals involved in his care, and add to them, producing a list of needs and the provision required to meet those needs.

Once you have it, the provision must be delivered, and you can also choose pretty much any school you like.

Itchyknees

I don't really know. I just don't know any teachers who would be happy with a scenario where they had to leave the classroom to change nappies. That isn't the job. The OP has clarified that a TA changes her son, so that changes things a bit.

www.ipsea.org.uk/making-a-request-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

I will be speaking to them about what hes saying. I will keep trying to find a different school too. There is 2 recpetion classes but they basicly all work together both recpetion classes spend most of the tome together.

What county are you in, OP?

He says the teachers and TA's are angry at him.

I have tried even took to tribunal to get a ehc we were told theres enough prove to support he has sen but not enough prove to support he may need additional support.

We are in Lancashire

Getting Parent partnership involved might be a way forward. You definitely should not have to move your child to get their needs met - this is totally against the Code of Practice, which the SENCO and the school should be following. This is the link for the national site , you can then find your local site.
cyp.iassnetwork.org.uk/how-it-works/

Lancashire SEN team have a reputation for being terrible.

Did you have the assessment, or did they refuse to do it?

I would make a complaint about anybody calling him a baby, saying they're angry with him etc. That is not acceptable at all.

My DD is autistic too and what helped her be diagnosed was a detailed diary kept by us, so try that. Her school were adamant she was fine, including in their reports to paediatrician, so she obviously didn't get the diagnosis from them! I would definitely vote for homeschooling until a better school is available. This kind of stuff is soooo hard to undo once it's in their heads. He's so young, all they really learn is phonics and counting, easy to do at home.

If they refused to assess, absolutely reapply. The vast vast majority are overturned on appeal. What comment did the tribunal make?

The SENCO being busy isn’t any indication that the school can’t meet his needs, they may just have underestimated them and the teachers are under pressure. SENCOs are busy people and sometimes we just can’t manage to do things straight away. Or even the same week :(

I think your best bet is to put this down in paper and write a letter to the school, addressed to the headteacher. Explain what you would like to happen - the SENCO to observe him in class, to sit down and have a meeting about a way forward with you, SENCO and class teacher. Set out a time frame for improvement.

If you are really worried about the safety of your child, tell them that you will not be sending him back to school until you can be reassured that his needs are being met in a safe and secure environment. You will have to accept that the absence will be unauthorised but I think that’s a small price to pay.

The other thing you can do is call the local authority and explain your concerns that his needs are not being met. They may be able to exert some pressure.

As an aside, has he been assessed by Speech and Language Therapy? I would request that he is referred if not.

I'm so sorry, what you are experiencing is not right.

My ds has autism and has just started Reception. He is also in pull ups, but training at home and school. School have been fully supportive, TA takes him to change. Everyday they tell me if he has had a good day and any successes (not just toiletting). If he had a tough day they tell me as he is more emotional at home. We have still had the odd thing that we have had to be assertive over, because I do find that sometimes teachers can forget that you know your child best, especially when they have spent most of their time with you in the first 4 years of their life. Also speak to the local educational psychology support service or NAS branch.

This is how it should be, not them telling him off for things he cannot help. Whether he has a diagnosis yet or not they still have to meet his needs. Demand a meeting with the head if the SENCO isn't available. Write down beforehand everything you have been told by others and your son and how his behaviour has changed at home to help you in the meeting. Take someone impartial with you to the meeting if you can to make notes because you may feel emotional and it can be harder to record. Raise your concerns then if you are not satisfied with their response make it a written complaint.

Also maybe move this thread to the SEN board where there are many much more experienced than me who might have other suggestions.

I hate to say this, but you may need to be 'that parent'.

None of this sounds good. Don't be scared of the teachers, I am always relieved when a parent speaks to me about any issues they're worried about. It sounds like they are just not meeting your child's needs in any way and I would be very worried.

Don't be fobbed off by anyone. Be strong and insist on a meeting with the SENDCo asap.

They refused to assess.
The tribunal said that it was clearly obvious dc has sen but as all reports and evidence were contradictory he would go with the EP and said theres not enough evidence to support he needs additional support. Dc tracked all way though both nurseries at 2 years behind. Ep did there visit just have to dc turned 4 they did a cognitive assessment on him ( which aje told us wasn't standard practice so you but did it anyway). According to her assement and the hour ahe spent with him his tracking is wrong that hes not behind the only issue she could see as his fine motor skills as dc can't hold a pen. But all the evidnce from observations from nursery and dc specialist teacher dc had in nursery has him aa being 2 years behind in all development areas.

Just seen you already have SALT support. How much support can they give you?

If there is a long waiting list for diagnosis and you (and other professionals) believe him to have autism, would it be worth pursuing a private diagnosis?

I would caution though that a diagnosis won’t automatically qualify you for an EHCP.

Lancashire Local Authority are known as one of the better ones for Home Education, Kent being known as one of the naughty ones!

I would get connected to Home Education communities, facebook can help with this.

Facebook Groups

• Home Education and your local authority: help with dealing with officialdom. (One of the best groups in my opinons!).
• Home Education UK
• Home School UK
• Home Education Lancashire

Sounds to me like Home Education would be an ideal route for your child, SENs are often misunderstood with school and getting a diagnosis is very possible outside of a school setting. Have you tried applying for any DLA type benefits, you don't need a diagnosis for this.

Also Home Education need not be something you do forever, you could do for a few years and still go back into the school system (likely with a child more ready for it then).

There are loads of Home Educated SENs children!!!!

Refusing to assess at pre-school level is fairly common. You need to follow the graduated process at school so that they can show they have to give more than the expected level for School Support and that he still isn’t making progress. That will be the evidence they are looking for to go forward for assessment.

Have you seen a SEN plan/Provison plan for him from school? It should set out what they are doing and what the outcomes are. If you haven’t had one, demand to see it in the meeting.

Check the school’s SEN policy and make sure they are doing it.

If he's in reception your health visitor can help too.

I can understand the senco being busy i have been trying to speak to the senco for 3 weeks now we did have a meeting planned which she has cancelled.
I have written an email about concerns which is when the senco got the receptionist to phone us.
Thing is dc getting these things from some where even though the school say it's not happening. Its how i address the school saying things are fine because dc wont let them know things are not and i only get comments thrown at me here and there and then when i try ans address them with him he tells me hes telling lies and when i ask why hes saying hes telling lies he tells me i dont want them to be angry. I know the teachers and TA's arent always angry him and that maybe hes taking comments or misunderstanding but hes still feels the way he does ans i feel we should be addressing it for his own good.

I would be massively concerned and consider a different school. My friend has a DD with autism who was also very keen to please and was overlooked she found a wonderful small school who specialised in SEN (but a mainstream school). It wasn't a school most people considered because it doesn't get great SATS results and was in a slightly dodgy area of the city but they are amazing.

Poor wee thing. I'd get him out of there ASAP.

If it helps to contrast - I've got a DC with continence issues and some much more minor (in the grand scheme of things - obviously they feel big to us) SEN issues. I did move them before they started Reception as I was getting distinct vibes (from a previous child being at the school) that they would not deal well with her issues. School couldn't have been kinder with her - every toileting incident was dealt with kindly and compassionately and discretely and the biggest issue I had last year was when people would change her and not put the dirties bag on her peg so I ended up running around school trying to find it before someone else got an unpleasant discovery!

I've had to get mildly irked this year about social issues and other stuff - but the second I've raised concerns school have been on the case trying to resolve them - in one case I dropped a letter in logging some concerns and the SENCO was on the phone to discuss it by the time I'd got back to my car! I've got a bit of an advantage in that the SENCO teaches my other child so can't avoid me that easily though!

From the continence nurse we have I've been basically told that I did 100% the right thing moving the original school choice as the original one is one she shudders at about how unpleasant they can make parents' lives.

It is fairly common for children with autism to misunderstand what is happening but what they are saying is their truth so if it is causing anxiety and upset then it needs to be addressed. Regardless of whether or not a NT person would see it in that way.

I would write a letter to the headteacher, explain your worries and how you have tried in vain to get an appointment with the SENCO. An appointment shouldn’t be cancelled without an alternative being offered. Explain that if there is no clear way forward identified that you will have to withdraw him from school and make a formal complaint.

SALT have discharged him as there's nothing more she can do for him. He has adult speech and grammaical errors he doesnt always give expected responses and she describes him as an annomily. Shes hoping things will come in time but theres isn't any therapy they can do to help him.

I know thw diagnosis won't get an EHCP.

Ds isn't under health visitor anymore hes been passed over to school nurse.