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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife at work today

138 replies

Damonlufc88 · 12/10/2018 18:03

So my wife works in a nursing home. Today she is working 15:00-19:00 (she works around my shifts) when she got work she was told she had to chaperone a resident to the hospital (35 minutes one way) this was at 15:30 fast forward to 6pm she is still there, resident seen the doctor and now informed that the resident needs to wait 2 hours for a blood test... Friday at 8pm. Am I being unreasonable to think that her work should have made arrangements for another staff to take my wife out at 19:00 from the hospital? Or is she expected to sit there all night whilst the resident is seen to?

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 13/10/2018 07:37

I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s terminal illness. They are unusual symptoms. What has she been diagnosed with? It’s fine to say so on here, no need for PM’s It’s really not going to ‘out’ you.

How would she normally get home from work?

I hope you’re able to let her sleep in today & are sorting your finances out. Whatever her illness, working in a care job is not going to be helping her.

HenryInTheTunnel · 13/10/2018 07:39

YANBU. My DH used to be a care home manager and it took over his life. They were always short staffed and he wasn't able to take on more staff so he practically lived there some weeks, and when he was at home, was always being phoned because someone had rung in sick and nobody could cover. He would practically flinch every time his phone rang. Because he was salaried, he didn't get paid a penny more for any of it. He was meant to take time off in leiu which was a fucking joke as he couldn't even take the time off he was entitled to.

Yes, he would ask staff to cover shifts but often they couldn't or wouldn't so it fell to him.

He is a different person since he left that job

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2018 07:44

Does your wife need to work for financial reasons or her mental health? If neither, can she quit? Either way, I would put in a formal complaint under these circumstances. Employers have obligations to their staff surely? Especially with someone with a terminal diagnosis I would have thought they should have done some kind of risk assessment and have contingencies in place.

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 07:56

I would pick her up at 7 with the kids then start the bath/bedtime routine when we get home. She works for financial reasons that's pretty much it. Maybe 20-25 hours per week around my rotating full time shifts, all paid via wage slip, taxed etc...she has been applying for local work. Shops, cafe, but when she gets interviewed I think the are reluctant to employ her as she states that she has huntington's disease... She has to because she is honest with potential new employers as she tries to get to as many social groups and has a few appointments monthly with her various doctors and whatnot. Also companies probably can't/don't want to take the risk employing somebody who's stated that they will be getting progressively clumsy, forgetful and such over time. Tough situation.

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Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 07:56

Also sorry but don't know how to tag people in comments so they get notified I've replied

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cansu · 13/10/2018 08:00

That is outrageous. Another staff member from the next shift needs to come to the hospital and take over.

Twillow · 13/10/2018 08:08

That's presuming there is someone available to relieve her, there may well not be surplus staff to do this, and also whether she made it clear at the outset that she would need to leave on time. Nature of the caring profession I'm afraid.

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 13/10/2018 08:16

Surely she is entitled to some benefits if she has Huntington's Disease. Poor woman. If she can leave I would encourage her too.

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 08:29

I don't know if she is as she has looked Into this befire and because she is working I don't think she can, also she is technically able to work physically currently. If her work were to dismiss her in writing then maybe (as far as I'm aware)

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therealimposter · 13/10/2018 08:32

A union won't help with problems that started before she joined.
OP, no wonder you are concerned given her diagnosis - I hope her work place start being more reasonable.

ivykaty44 · 13/10/2018 08:39

Of course the union will help people with these problems/ just because the nursing home has always done this doesn’t mean these practices can’t be challenged and changed

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 08:43

One of her doctors wrote to her work some weeks ago suggesting/requesting that she gets a regular seated break on shift (not grabbing a bite In the kitchen) only if she works hours that entitle her to one (6 hour or more shift) as she doesn't want any special favours. Personally I don't think staff in most care homes, not just my wife's get proper breaks... Anyway her management haven't spoken that they have recieved a letter yet. She has another appointment in abiut 2 weeks so my wife will chase it up

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BakedBeans47 · 13/10/2018 08:48

YANBU

They should have appropriate cover for your wife and are taking the piss out of a (presumably) low paid staff member

BakedBeans47 · 13/10/2018 08:50

So sorry you’re having to deal with Huntington’s disease as well - that’s really tough Flowers

BakedBeans47 · 13/10/2018 08:53

I also think it’s terrible on the face of it anyway that they’ve allowed someone with Huntington’s to take a resident out unaccompanied. Have they carried out a risk assessment including for lone working like this?

LucieMorningstar · 13/10/2018 08:55

Your boss should have called for a relative of the client to come and take over. I am a carer and this is what we would do.

Ploppymoodypants · 13/10/2018 08:57

OP your wife’s places of work should have really referred her to occ health and then acted on any adjustments advises just the the GP letter. It isn’t special favours, it’s making your your wife can carry out her duties without compromising her wellbeing. Definitely get her to join the union.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 13/10/2018 09:02

I’m sorry to hear it’s Huntington’s. How long ago was she diagnosed? Do either of her parents have it?

Depending on what stage she’s at, she should be able to claim benefits. You both really need to look at what’s available to you, this would give her the choice to leave such a demanding job and make a choice about working or not.

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 09:05

Don't think risk assemments have been done no. Just like I stated before about her thoughts on not having the responsibility of training to do tablets any more, which is understandable because of something was to go wrong then it could be dangerous. She got work. Was told "your going to been to accompany XX to the hospital, an appointment, and blood test is needed an ambulance is here to collect you both now" I THINK that's what happened. I was on the shool run and left my phone on the car on my portable charger until my oldest son had come out.

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Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 09:08

Her mum passed away 9 years ago. Wife found out @ 18 when we met, now 30. I'm sure if she leave work on her own back she wont be entitled to anything. Unless she maybe registers as my ASD sons carer but that's if she would be able to get that. He is entitled to small amounts of DLA but that's his for his future

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Singlenotsingle · 13/10/2018 09:10

These places are always short of care staff because the pay is low, the work is hard and the profession isn't respected. I don't suppose the management even know what Huntingdon's is! Your poor wife, it sounds like she has a hard life! They are lucky to have her.

At least she's got you to care for ds when she's not there. (Hopefully Ds is clear of that terrible disease!)

Everyoneiswingingit · 13/10/2018 09:13

Yes it's out of order. Whoever takes over from her at 7 should relieve her.

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 10:26

Again to reiterate I know it's exceptional circumstances that she went. I do think work should have sent somebody from where she works who took her out at 7 even if they don't arrive until 7:45 at the hospital. They can say they were short staffed but also when my wife left to go the hospital her work was also short in my wife's absence

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Gazelda · 13/10/2018 11:37

OP, please look again at what benefits your wife might be entitled to. Speak with CAB to get expert advice.
If she can access benefits, it will give her choices and options. Maybe she could find a role that suits her needs better?
And I'd recommend not squirrelling your DS's DLA away. Spend it on giving him life opportunities now.

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 13/10/2018 12:48

I think I would feel guilty using it to be honest. He doesn't go short but yeah I get what you mean. I've been reading alot this morning into my wife and whats available to her. Ive bookmarked alot of pages for when the boys are in bed tonight

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