Wife at work today

[Damonlufc88]

So my wife works in a nursing home. Today she is working 15:00-19:00 (she works around my shifts) when she got work she was told she had to chaperone a resident to the hospital (35 minutes one way) this was at 15:30 fast forward to 6pm she is still there, resident seen the doctor and now informed that the resident needs to wait 2 hours for a blood test... Friday at 8pm. Am I being unreasonable to think that her work should have made arrangements for another staff to take my wife out at 19:00 from the hospital? Or is she expected to sit there all night whilst the resident is seen to?

I work as an RN but as a college student worked in a private mental health facility and ocassionally rode in an ambulance to escort patients for medical care not available at the facility but it was within the 3-11 pm shift I was assigned had it gone over I would’ve been paid overtime and a night shift rate differential. I’d be a little upset if it was supposed to last far longer than a short while over quitting time.

My main argument is that knowing she is on a 4 hour shift why send her in the first place withoyt a phone call prior to work "you may need to chaperone can you sort out In the event that your hours will maybe be extended today XX has an appointment at 17:30" if she was on all day fair enough or to call somebody in to do a chaperone shift

@damonlufc88

This is her battle to fight, not yours..........

For the love of God, don't ring her office demanding to know where she is. Do you know how embarrassing that is, when 'hubby' is ringing your workplace wanting to know where you are?! My DH used to do this (only for a short while until I told him to fucking STOP!) and I was mortified.

My workplace was 15 minutes walk/2 minutes drive from where we lived, and a few times, he came to my office, 20-25 minutes after I was meant to finish, banging on the office window, and pointing at me, whilst mouthing 'COME ONNNN!' through the window. I could have killed him! As I said, after 3 or 4 times of doing this, I gave him a short shrift, and he stopped.

Imagine it the other way round, if a wife was nagging her husband's workplace by ringing or turning up wanting to know where the hell he was!!! He would be (quite rightly) fuming, and he would be a laughing stock amongst his colleagues.

Not ALL jobs let you finish on the dot! And yeah, in some jobs/careers, you DO have to stay longer than you would like.

OK ok. It's also the fact that they asked her if she wanted to come off senior care because of he illness, which we fully understand and it was at my wife's request anyway. But then it's OK for her to be
escorting residents about

If this is making her unwell OP then I think you are very well entitled to phone her employers and see if someone can take over from her. She needs to be able to care for the person she's looking after as well as herself, and they should be aware of that.

But if it is more inconvenience, then she's a bit stuck really.

Presumably she could have refused. Illness or not, she is a competent adult who may need to learn how to assert herself better.

Been a carer, done that got the t shirt.
Yes it happens.
A lot.
But for those saying we should put up and shut up and even expect it from time to time because of the nature of ‘the caring profession that we work(ed) in, basically I will say to you, bugger off why should we?

Why should we expect that for a not more than minimum wage job, our families be left waiting for us, our dc left at nursery while we are late to pick them up, our lives affected.
Often if it was just half an hour over we wouldn’t be paid. They also wouldn’t consider the fact you would have to get back from the hospital which may be further away then where you work, or your car may still be at the clients home/care home.

HEalth and social organisations should have back ups plans for this, knowing it is something that frequently happens. But they don’t, because that would cost them too much money, to pay someone to stay on call for example or as a floating support for emergencies like this.
Everyone expects carers and nhs staff to be available there and then when they need them, and when that doesn’t happen immediately everyone is willing to point the finger at the individual worker who they believe has been negligent.
Yet they don’t consider this person also has responsibilities of their own, their own family, their own life and can only be in one place at one time.
Why is it ok for the children of carers and nurses to be left crying as mummy is late to pick them up.... again?
People need to look at the government and the way health and social care is funded (conservatives deliberately underfunding as they want it to fail, in my view).
And when things go wrong, point the finger at the government.
Instead of expecting kind hearted staff will make their own.

Op I loved my job and I was good at it. But I had to leave for a few reasons and situations like this were one of them.
Carers are amongst the lowest paid in society, yet they have a lot of responsibility for the people in their care. And often you are just treat like shit by your employers, and the public view you as some kind of handmaiden who should go above and beyond every shift with little thanks (and sometimes no monetary reward).
If it isn’t working out with family life , could your wife look for something else?

Feels to me like you're complaining about very little tbh.
Wife arrives for 4 hours shift in caring role. Shift needs to be longer for unforeseen reasons. Wife will be paid for hours worked, husband is at home and able to care for kids etc
What exactly is the issue here?

Hmmm it is annoying I can see that and doesn’t seem very fair. But as someone who works in the NHS I imagine that they didn’t have anyone else to cover or send. Not that, that is fair, just that patient care has to come first.

It does sound like you are more annoyed at having to hold the fort at home and do all the chidcare. It is annoying and I can understand but is also part and parcel of being a parent I am afraid.

A terminal illness that starts with naivety and saying yes a lot of the time...? 🤔

Op, you may be concerned about your wife but you’re coming across as controlling.

Yep eel, that’s what I thought.

Blimey if DH called my work and asked why i was not home and complained about a shift or overtime I was doing they would be all ‘WTF’ and then in my next supervision they would be asking if everything was okay at home etc. (Unless of course there was an emergency or he genuinely didn’t know where I was). And I work for the NHS.

Ecclectics - completely agree. Massive staffing crisis in the NHS for all nursing and caring positions. And I keep saying (but no one wants to accept it) that it’s down to working shifts. Look at the demographics of nurses and HCA’s. They mostly have young children and it completely elmininates anyone without family back up as you just can’t cover the childcare. Not to mention the woeful pay. I have seriously considered doing a social care degree, I would love a job in care. But I won’t purely because of the expected hours of work.

Someone is being paid an oncall rate at the home and therefore they shuuld come in and relieve your wife if tbey can't get aomeonw else. I worked in care long enouvh to know managers can sometimes manipulate others to cover their obligations. I have done double shifts and unpaud overtime too often because the managers or seniors wouldn't do their job. In teaching i work over daily, unpaid. It doea strike me as rediculous that i pay someone else to look after my children so i can work for free to sit with other people children or to attend meeting scheduled at 4 or 5pm 🤔. I still do it though.
So op your wife needs to phone her line manager and find out what ia going on and explain that she cannot do an open ended shift. She also doea not have to explain why she can't do the shift.

So she arrived back to work at 23:15 last night. Nobody from work had contacted her she rang them on the way back to tell them she was on her way. Then she had to walk 1.5 miles back in the rain as nobody offered her a lift and our village taxis were busy as its Friday night.
She was told to fill her log book in before she went home.

Get her to contact the union about this as it’s not acceptable

She should have been relieved by someone on the next shift.

Although I agree poor management to send her.

That's horrendous, OP. Your poor wife. I work in the NHS and there does seem to be a pattern emerging of treating staff with little to no respect. Moreso, IMO, than 10 or 15 years ago. Last minute shift changes, an expectation that you'll work through breaks/ stay late, not getting your shifts until the week before. I know the mamagement is stressed because of the staffung crisis but that sort of treatment eventually makes you feel really unvalued.
I hope she's getting a lie-in this morning and you can give her a bit of TLC today.

Also yes to PP who said contact the union. She will probably need to inform her line manager before she contacts them - get her to check her contract for her obligations in terms of staying late, what she's entitled to in terms of communication / shift relief from her employer, and how to make a complaint if these terms have been breached.

There is no terminal illness that starts with naivety and saying yes a lot of the time. OP, you are complaining about nothing.

I know she isn't a member of any workers union. I'm in the one where I work. In all her time working there she hasn't mentioned a union once (9 years)

YANBU.

However this is a case of bad management practices and the fallout on individual employees who have no union protection and no job security.

It's the system, in other words.

You could write to your MP, but basically your wife is an employee of a company that plays fast and loose with the concept of fairness and probably knows employees are really depending on their income so won't speak up for themselves.

Do not give your wife grief over this,. There is absolutely nothing she can do about it.

I also worked for a nursing home a few years ago and if you didn't say no they took the piss. I have also been at the hospital with clients and was expected to stay way past my finishing time. In my new job I've learnt to be blunt. She should of reminded them that she finishes at 7 and she can't stay past that. She needs to be assertive.

Your wife doesn’t need to “mention” a union she can find one then join

You don’t need to contact your line manager before seeing Union, you pay your subs not your managers

It definitely isn't her fault, I don't and won't give her any grief over this. I know she picks up extra shifts and if they want her to stay late/go in early they phone in advance.

My main reason was AIBU to think they shouldn't have sent her knowing it's a 4 hour shift and then not to contact her about somebody relieving her at 7, not making suitable arrangements for her knowing her sons ASD and her illness... If they advise her to come off doing the medication due to her condition, which my wife had no gripe about, surley other staff or arrangements should have been made by her senior or management when her shift finished

I agree with you OP. She should should play hell over this.