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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife at work today

138 replies

Damonlufc88 · 12/10/2018 18:03

So my wife works in a nursing home. Today she is working 15:00-19:00 (she works around my shifts) when she got work she was told she had to chaperone a resident to the hospital (35 minutes one way) this was at 15:30 fast forward to 6pm she is still there, resident seen the doctor and now informed that the resident needs to wait 2 hours for a blood test... Friday at 8pm. Am I being unreasonable to think that her work should have made arrangements for another staff to take my wife out at 19:00 from the hospital? Or is she expected to sit there all night whilst the resident is seen to?

OP posts:
Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 12/10/2018 18:34

I have no idea if it's routine or not.. Im just annoyed for her really that she has to be there on only a 4 hour shift. She says she can't go. Because nobody is coming for her to take her out if it was a local hospital she wouldn't mind but it's maybe 15 miles away... To answer other questions I don't work over no I make it clear I work my hours then I finish at the time my shift does and no extra I go to work the money and my family is it wrong of me to ring up her work and ask if they have. Plans to have her handover to somebody else?

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/10/2018 18:35

Can she not ring and ask?

drivingmisspotty · 12/10/2018 18:38

I think you would be crossing a line really to call up yourself. Unless she wants you to. It’s her employer so she really needs to follow up herself. She knows her employer too and how much it is worth pushing.

I can see how frustrating it is for you but I think your best support is to encourage her to talk to them (if this won’t mean losing her job etc) and have a glass of wine/ cup of tea and a hug waiting for her when she gets back.

Itsnotmesothere · 12/10/2018 18:38

Why can't your wife ring herself? Really, a lot of the time, they are just banking on staff not being assertive. Yes, it is a caring profession but that doesn't mean you should get the piss taken out of you.

al2002 · 12/10/2018 18:38

MrsGollach
OP explained why he was het up-two working parents on opposing shifts for the purposes of childcare for their DS who has Autism. Not difficult to comprehend why the OP is stressed, he's obviously got to go to work himself. 🤷‍♀️
Healthcare or not, the onus is on her line manager to sort out a member of staff to relieve his wife.

Bombardier25966 · 12/10/2018 18:39

She needs to ring work herself, not you.

Given the cuts to funding, it's quite possible that the care home doesn't have a spare staff member to take over from her.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 18:40

Please don’t call her work yourself OP, that could cause all sorts of problems for her.

Itsnotmesothere · 12/10/2018 18:40

I'd like to add that it's a shame that management aren't often more caring and mindful of their own obligations.

Bombardier25966 · 12/10/2018 18:42

he's obviously got to go to work himself.

He's not actually said that.

What time do you need to be at work OP?

WatsonCat · 12/10/2018 18:44

Employers think they can do what they want!

I once worked for a shop who locked all staff in and refused to let us go home until 3am whilst doing a stock take!

AlexaShutUp · 12/10/2018 18:46

Your wife should ring, not you. Are you worried because you need to get to work yourself or just pissed off because she is having to stay later than planned?

BritInUS1 · 12/10/2018 18:47

She needs to call her employers and tell them that she needs to leave, if it is important that she gets home.

They need to make arrangements then. If she doesn't say anything they will think it is OK.

I imagine that this is part of the job sometimes though, it's not something that could be planned.

Squirrelblanket · 12/10/2018 18:53

My mum works as a care assistant. One time she'd spent all day looking after someone in their home. The person who was supposed to arrive at 7pm to take over and do the overnight shift called in sick so her work phoned her and told her she'd have to stay as there was no one else to relieve her. She ended up there for almost 24 hours and obviously hadn't brought any toiletries or overnight stuff.

She did get paid for it but it's not really the point. It's like they didn't have a back up plan at all.

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 12/10/2018 18:55

I'm annoyed for her tbh she also has an illness which work know about (that's actually terminal) and one of the early signs of it is naivety and saying yes alot of the time. If anybody want to know what it is they can pm me put don't want to put it on here really

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 12/10/2018 18:55

Presumably your wife can stand up for herself?

Oh and YABU to say 'pre-warned'

Feefeetrixabelle · 12/10/2018 18:58

She should ring her employers and tell them she is leaving at the end of her shift and they will have to relieve her as she will be going. She needs to be assertive. If her illness means they are starting to take advantage could she retire early on medical grounds?

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 12/10/2018 19:05

To retire is a massive paper trail with assessments and such is financially were not preperared for that just yet to be honest. She does see doctors and therapists of all sorts of different qualifications on monthly basis who know what she is going through

OP posts:
drivingmisspotty · 12/10/2018 19:09

I think I take back my previous advice since you say maybe she is not able to be assertive?

Can you call the office and say you can’t reach her, she should be home by now, where is she? You need to do x, y, z and you need her home?

But think about what this might say to the employers and also her. Will it damage your relationship/her wellbeing if she feels undermined?

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 19:10

In light of your update OP, I would call her work, if she wants you to. Ask her first though.

Gazelda · 12/10/2018 19:10

OP, do you need to get to work?

trappedinsuburbia · 12/10/2018 19:16

Yip call her work.
I think this is par for the course for a lot of care companies to take the piss, knowing we wouldn't actually get up and walk out to leave someone in a vulnerable situation.
Although as this person is in hospital, is it really necessary for anyone to be there? They could contact the care home when it is time for them to be released?

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 12/10/2018 19:22

I was a nurse for 26 yrs. nothing was ever certain in terms of start/finish. As a single woman, it was an inconvenience. As a married woman with a child it was very frustrating and it got to the stage where I questioned my choice of career. When my husband left a few weeks after DS was diagnosed with asd, aged 4, I tried to keep up but, even with reduced hours, it was impossible.

This is health/care work. Expect the unexpected. I left nursing and have no regrets.

Original poster
Damonlufc88 · 12/10/2018 19:24

I don't need to get to work no.. I was on nights list last night. 23:00-11:00 home fir school run. Kids just going to bed now.
Also she is still waiting for the blood test to be carried out then will have to wait for an ambulance chaperone back

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 12/10/2018 19:31

She could be there all night then!.

Ask your wife to ask her employer if they will pay for a taxi back if its feasible.
The situation your wife is in is usual in those type of jobs.

Jent13c · 12/10/2018 19:32

Its happened to me quite a few times in hospital, you escort a patient to a different hospital for a scan on different part of the hospital and sometimes the ward are so busy they forget to relieve you. The manager/ nurse in charge of the home has the responsibility to relieve her ( by finding someone to cover/call in bank if required), her shift has finished and she should be paid for the time over. She needs to call the home and say they need to get someone up to cover. This may take some time and I wouldn't leave my patient until I could handover so understand where your wife is coming from.
However, if its a regular occurrence and not exceptional then its entirely unreasonable of her employer. The nurse in charge/carer in charge should have sent someone up to give your wife time to transfer back and handover to next shift.

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