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Any bi polar sufferers?

58 replies

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 21:37

Something is happening to me atm and I’m not sure what to do.
I’m absolutely a ball of rage and I can’t seem to ease it. I’ve just walked out of the house and I’m sitting in the car. I’m posting in here to distract myself and I’m just pissing everyone off.
I’ve not experienced this before.

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 21:45

Anybody? Or anyone know anyone with this?

OP posts:
Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 21:50

I have emotional dysregulation and have days like this.

However it took months to get diagnosed, and tbh I felt better after therapy on the pills that they stuck me on (have come off them with psychiatrists blessing now)

Has anything happened to set this off?

Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 21:51

Sorry should have read after therapy, than on the pills...

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 21:52

Not that I can think of. I feel like I’ve been I heated with a big ball of adrenaline. Thank you for replying. I’ve left my husband and kids in the house and I’ve driven down the road to just sit in the car.

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 21:53


OP posts:
Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 21:58

Yeah I know that feeling only too well.
Every little thing gets on your nerves, and you want to fix everything. Can't sit still and can't quite get why people aren't as annoyed as you are?

I had a proper shit year last year and ended up feeling like this daily. Got to the point where I couldn't do my (customer facing) job as I wanted to strangle people for silly things.

Had a straw that broke the camel's back moment and ended up getting referred.

If nothing has happened that might have triggered it the I'd try ( and I know how hard it is) to remain calm and give yourself a time out. Then when you're feeling more level go back and reassess situation.

If it happens again may be worth a chat to the GP x

Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 21:58

Sorry for typos. My phone has a mind of its own.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:00

I just want to be normal.

OP posts:
busybarbara · 11/10/2018 22:02

Could it be stress? This sort of reaction is reasonably common after a long period of stress.

Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 22:02

💐 I know that feeling.

I'm getting there.
It's taken about a year.

And I doubt I'll ever be totally normal by other people's standards, but I now reckon I can get to a new normal for me.

One where I'm not snapping at people all the time.

UpstartCrow · 11/10/2018 22:03

Can you do some strenuous physical activity?

CantankerousCamel · 11/10/2018 22:04

Unmedicated bipolar monkey here Grin. You need weight training, it’s the only thing that pushes out all the drama

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:05

I don’t think I’m stressed. Nothing has happened. My brain is just shit and it doesn’t work like a normal persons does. I’m so desperately sad all the time, even though my life is pretty perfect.

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TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:06

Hi! I’m bipolar. One of my biggest issues before was rage, I used to end up locking myself in my bathroom and literally beating myself black and blue so that I wasn’t beating anyone else up. Once I punched my head so hard I blacked out.. I absolutely do not recommend this but wanted to tell you how I dealt with it. I joined a boxing gym! And wow the energy I release there is amazing! And the best thing is that now I seem to subconsciously know it’s there I don’t even have to use it so often anymore.

My new thing in this episode is anxiety so high that I constantly feel like you would if someone was breaking into your house in the middle of the night, diazepam only takes the edge off and my head hurts so bad from tensing.

We’re never going to be normal and sometimes it makes me really sad and frightened for the future.. I feel like one day I’m just going to lose my mind but then I remember that it is treatable and there are people to help. Do you have a CPN?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:10

I’m trying to accept it, that it’s just how I am but it’s making me so angry. I have a great job, earn good money, perfect husband, perfect kids, beautiful house, yet I’m 90% sure if someone handed me a gun I’d blow my brains out.

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:10

What are you taking? Do you need a med review? Are you type one or two?

CantankerousCamel · 11/10/2018 22:11

Yes! Boxing really helped me too. I really enjoyed it, but I find the insular nature of boxing/MMA gyms too difficult to manage

Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 22:13

OP have you got a formal diagnosis? And if so are you still seeing someone on a regular basis for reviews?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:14

They keep changing it. First they said border line, then they said type 2, then they say rapid cycling. I don’t see anyone now. I don’t want them to take my kids away.

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:15

I don’t box with other people, I box alone in a room just me and the bags. Sometimes my friend too as she uses it to vent frustration about her abusive husband. I dunno if I’d trust myself to box someone else 🙈

Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 22:18

Don't worry, they won't take your kids away.
You've said that you've got a good relationship, and when you've seen the signs you've taken yourself away from the situation. So shouldn't be any safeguarding issues.
But I think you should call and make an appointment to speak to your specialist/consultant (sorry I'm tired so have lost correct terminology)

We all have our bad days and backslide. But if you're feeling like this then maybe you need a review, and someone who has the training is going to be better than randomers on the internet (with greatest respect to everyone on this thread who is battling)

TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:20

They won’t take your children away! Especially not if you’ve got a loving caring partner at home. The only time you’ll ever be away from them is hospitalisation and that’s the same as if you had to have an operation or something.
Did they diagnose you borderline personality? They flirted between the two for me too, I can see why as the symptoms are almost identical. Are you on meds? Can you request a review?


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FissionChips · 11/10/2018 22:21

Google Bipolar rage, it’s well known but not often talked about.

I find beating the wall with a pillow helps quite a bit or smashing some crockery (cheap ugly plates from the charity shop).

You should to contact you GP or psychiatrist, they won’t take your children. Contacting them and asking for help shows that you are aware and trying to sort things, it’s a positive action.

TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:24

Sorry I just read you don’t see anyone. Maybe it’s time to go back? Did you see a therapist? Can you call their office? They shouldn’t really have just let you slip off the radar that’s quite unfair considering the nature of our disorder.

I wouldn’t recommend driving but can you get to a field or something and just shout? Scream, shout, moan anything to get that energy out.

You say you rapid cycle... will you become manic after this? I know that’s the scariest part sometimes.

recklessruby · 11/10/2018 22:27

I have bipolar. 2 years ago I could have written this. I used to spend late nights sobbing in my car too. I took on 3 jobs in a manic phase then had a breakdown.
I m ashamed of my rage now. I once broke a work door from slamming it so hardBlush.
I m on a cocktail of tablets now and it works. Lamotrigine is my friend.
It helps that I get higher daily living pip so only work part time.

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