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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any bi polar sufferers?

58 replies

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 21:37

Something is happening to me atm and I’m not sure what to do.
I’m absolutely a ball of rage and I can’t seem to ease it. I’ve just walked out of the house and I’m sitting in the car. I’m posting in here to distract myself and I’m just pissing everyone off.
I’ve not experienced this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:30

I’m not going to, but I really want to hurt myself. I feel like that’s the only way of releasing this atm. I’d actually welcome mania right now.
My body wants everything right now, it’s so overwhelming.

OP posts:
Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 22:30

If your psychiatrist is anything like mine, I didn't see them for ages because I felt like I didn't have a problem, as I was managing a lot better.
When it came back I rang up and told them that I was under Dr whatshisname before and my problems were back.
Got an appointment with original doctor. Took a month, but was quicker than GP referral.

UpstartCrow · 11/10/2018 22:30

NotUmbongoUnchained How are you doing?

UpstartCrow · 11/10/2018 22:31

Sorry, that was an ill timed cross post.

Do you feel safe? Should you go to A&E?

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:32

I’m ok. I’m just sat in my car.
I hate speaking to therapists, they always make me feel worse. They really don’t care here so the whole thing is pointless.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 11/10/2018 22:33

Yeah I only go when I'm desperate.

recklessruby · 11/10/2018 22:34

OP you could be rapid cycling into a manic episode. Your thoughts are distracting and you want everything right now.
Can you talk to anyone irl tonight?
Fwiw I didn't find the out of hours mental health team much use but the Samaritans were great.

TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:34

Oh I’m really sorry, I know exactly how you feel but I know that doesn’t help at all. Do you have any diazepam? I’d take one and go to bed personally.
Do you have a hobby? One that might focus your mind? Or an iPad game? iPad games are a saviour to me sometimes even if it’s just to drop me off to sleep!

HollowTalk · 11/10/2018 22:35

I agree with @UpstartCrow. Do you feel safe at the moment? I think you did really well to remove yourself from your home if you feel so angry - that was a really good choice.

Do you have psychiatric consultations at the hospital? Could you phone and ask for advice?

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:36

I’ve never spoken to the Samaritans. I’ll still have to go home and face my husband though. I have 12 missed calls from him now.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:38

I phoned my mental health team once and told them I wanted to kill myself and they sent me some leaflets in the post Grin
That’s how helpful they are!

I feel safe. I just want this feeling to go away, but at the same time I don’t.

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:38

How often do you get manic? I know you say you’d welcome it but would you? My mania includes huge debts and has caused me trouble with the police. Is this likely to be you?
Can you speak to your husband? Does he keep you safe?

Ideally you should seek help now but I know that’s far easier said than done

HollowTalk · 11/10/2018 22:38

Send your husband a text now, to stop him worrying. Say you'll be coming home, that you are safe, you were just feeling angry and felt it was better to remove yourself from the home for a few hours.

Then phone the Samaritans and talk to them.

TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:40

The Samaritans are brilliant. I’ve had an ongoing email with them for ages that only ended a couple of months ago when I started feeling wel again. If you call you can always hang up , anytime

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:40

My husband a doctor so it’s hard to talk to him without feeling like he’s analysing me. Which i know isn’t his fault. I don’t want to hurt him. I’ve texted him.

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 11/10/2018 22:41

I feel like I’m asking you loads of questions and completely bombarding you I just want you to feel better, although I know I won’t be able to personallySad

FissionChips · 11/10/2018 22:41

Phone or text your DH and go for a run if you can, it’ll help get rid of all that adrenaline.

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:42

It’s ok it’s distracting it’s nice.

I think mania might be on the horizon. I guess I just need to decide what I want to do with it.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 11/10/2018 22:44

Running, busy work, cleaning - not internet shopping or dismantling the car engine to clean it Smile

Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 22:45

Glad you've texted your husband.

Like pp has said I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.

And it's nice to know that there's some lovely supportive people on MN for this kind of thing.

Flutternotsoshy · 11/10/2018 22:45

And I agree. No internet shopping while manic.

That's my downfall

HollowTalk · 11/10/2018 22:46

If your husband is lovely then maybe you should trust him now with this and tell him exactly how you feel. He's your best bet right now because he has your best interests at heart.

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:48

My husband will have pre emptively hidden all the cards knowing him.

I want sex and drugs really, if I’m being totally honest. I don’t. But I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/10/2018 22:53

I’m going to go home.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 11/10/2018 22:58

Good idea. Can you talk to the Samaritans in privacy at home?