DP called me horrible for not wanting to babysi

[Marlli]

dp has a younger brother and sister (twins aged 11) and a younger brother aged 6. We have a baby. He told me they are coming for a few hours tomorrow..

I said I had already made plans to go to my DM at the time with our DD. He looked pissed off and said the kids can just come our house anyway. I suggested he babysits at MILs as we have no food in and they say they get bored here (no toys etc)

He said why do I never want them to come here. I never get an opinion on the matter he just agrees to have them. I feel awful saying it but his 11 yr old sister really irritates me sometimes. She follows me everywhere, jumps on my sofa, sits on my chair arm, follows me to the toilet (and so does youngest brother) so I politely tell them to sit down, wait downstairs but they just don’t listen and DP Just lets them do whatever. I cba with it. Especially when they want to hold my baby all the time. So I told DP they can come but it if I’m honest it annoys me when I get followed round, jumped all over etc and that they don’t listen to me and he sits there and lets them do whatever. So he called me horrible for saying that about children. Ugh Aibu and hormones have got the best of me or would this piss you off too?

Go to your mum's and he can look after the kids. Though I did think you're pretty impatient with those children... they don't sound that annoying they just sound like kids.

Sorry but 11 is far too old to be following anyone to the toilet, regardless of who it is. She should have learnt about boundaries and privacy long before now.

You already made plans, so carry on with them. Either he asks, in advance, to have the kids over to meet the baby, or he looks after them at your house.

I'm on your side Marlii.

He won't support you when the kids (HIS siblings) are getting you down; he won't visit your mother with you, but expects that his relatives are always made welcome; he ducks out of looking after his siblings by buggering off for a fag and then spending time on his phone - he's a waster!

He wants them fed (fair enough, they are guests) - then let him make something. They're kids they won't be expecting bouef en croute avec pommes dauphinoise et something else french (my O level failed me there). He can give them beans on toast and a walnut whip for afters.

I think he's the one being unreasonable. They would get on my tits following me to the toilet etc as well - really, really annoying. Just wait until your DD is doing the same to your partner and he can't have a poo in peace* - THEN he'll know what it's like.

*this used to drive my DH crackers

It's a bit unreasonable to ask you to babysit when you have a little baby to look after, But you won't be there anyway.
Maybe he just wanted you to be all together? I mean, they are his family.

You made plans to go to your mum's, so go to your mum's; do the bright and breezy thing and say "Such a shame, DP didn't tell me you were coming over and I'd made other plans - next time!" Then go out. He should be able to babysit his own siblings on his own!

The 11yo sounds like she likes you - if you get on well with her then maybe say to her nicely that you'd rather that the door stayed that when you're on the loo and that you'd love to chat with her when you come out again. Make it jokey if possible - it's not unreasonable to want to pee alone!!

Mslexic
Then he should ask her when is convenient

Absolutely don’t cave in when he tries to manipulate you by calling you horrible for not fitting in with what suits him. It’s a classic technique -lazy fuckers- sone men use to get out of doing what they consider wifework. Women are so socialised to be ‘nice’ and accommodating that they can more easily be manipulated just by certain men who use this tactic by calling their DPs unreasonable, nagging, mean or unkind. But it’s HIM that’s being those things in this scenario. Fine to invite his siblings round but he cannot expect you to entertain, feed and discipline them and have to cancel your plans. Just be firm and say what you’re doing (going to your mums) and tell him you’re happy to have his siblings round at another time, but he must do some of the entertainment and preferably all of the catering.

Strikethrough fail! Oh and also that he has to give you some notice if he expects you to be around!

YADNBU!!

I cant believe people are trying to say you are.

I understand they're potentially your SIL/BIL and may make 'great babysitter's...(doubt it given the age gap, will an 18 year old want to spend her weekends babysitting your 7 year old ) doesn't mean you should have them in YOUR house all over YOU and YOUR baby, when DP is sat glued to a fag/phone and hasn't even had the decency to ask you first. makes me question whether your own child is ever actually looked after by him if he relies on you for his siblings..

Go to your mums, for the full day, don't return back until they've gone.

a 6 and 11 year old aren't going to remember you not being there one time when they clearly see you every week. its not your job to keep other kids happy. its not your job to keep DP appeased by looking after his siblings.

its your job to keep yourself and your baby happy, nobody else.

You are not unreasonable at all OP.

Stick to your plans, go to your mothers. Your dp, not you, offered/agreed to babysit his siblings so let him get on with it. Personally, I would rather he went to their house to do it as it seems more practical.

You do, however, need to have a serious think about the structure of your relationship, what Prettyvase said is spot on:

What the hell are you doing with such an incompetent misogynist?

Does he leave all the housework and laundry to you too?

Be careful about letting him live in your house or contributing to the bills unless you want to give him a share of your assets (new laws with civil partnership).

Imagine if a woman was to go round to her partner's house and leave her siblings there for him to deal with!

Absolute joke!

Come on op, don't ever let a guy treat you like that and don't get upset at his stupid comments.

Set your boundaries now, firmly and unequivocally.

YANBU. You need to sit him down and have a frank discussion about his behaviour. He is being a bit hypocritical and taking the p**s frankly.

1. Always turns down offers to see your side of the family with your child. Evidence that he always prioritises his own family?
2. Has moved into your house and openly accepts babysitting his siblings without questioning you first. This needs to change - probably don't push so much that it is your house, but make it clear you are both living here and he needs to check with you first (maybe you want a peaceful weekend or have other people coming over).
3. When he agrees to babysit, he expects you to also support in this, no matter your prior plans. Even if they involve your family. Again more evidence his family and needs come first?
4. He needs to take responsibility that if he says he will babysit, then he actually needs to lead the babysitting. If you have approved having them over and don't have plans then fine you'll be around and can help a bit, but it should be his job to make sure they are happy and entertained. If you have approved and you already have plans to be elsewhere, then he's on his own.
5. If 4 results doesn't happen and results in too much stress for you (ends up you looking after the siblings all the time) then put your foot down and say no to babysitting. Instead arrange the occasional weekend to visit MIL house to see his side of the family with baby.

Please don't become a doormat OP.
I'm sorry to say it sounds like you're almost there...
Be strong!

The issue with your DP aside, he's a sulky child that needs to step up and be involved with his siblings while he's babysitting them and he needs to show more respect towards you and your plans/house/time etc.

The main issue with your DPs siblings is as you said yourself, they are bored at your house so they annoy you by jumping on you and following you to the loo and wanting to constantly hold the only thing 'fun' to play with ie your baby.

So I think you have 3 options: either buy them something any 11 year old will find more exciting than a baby to keep at your house (tablet, xbox, ps4) or drop everything and help DP babysit and suck up the annoyance or kick out DP take back your house unless he grows up and takes sole responsibility for his commitments.

Good luck

Are you both really young OP? Having a baby with someone you've only just moved into "your" house is unusual. In any case, it may be that you need to have a chat about expectations if he's come straight from his Mums to you.

ie equal housework, equal childcare, not inviting his family over and expecting YOU to look after them and cook for them.

It may be that he needs to move back out again....

If you own the house, please be very careful about him moving in.