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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP called me horrible for not wanting to babysi

90 replies

Marlli · 11/10/2018 16:30

dp has a younger brother and sister (twins aged 11) and a younger brother aged 6. We have a baby. He told me they are coming for a few hours tomorrow..

I said I had already made plans to go to my DM at the time with our DD. He looked pissed off and said the kids can just come our house anyway. I suggested he babysits at MILs as we have no food in and they say they get bored here (no toys etc)

He said why do I never want them to come here. I never get an opinion on the matter he just agrees to have them. I feel awful saying it but his 11 yr old sister really irritates me sometimes. She follows me everywhere, jumps on my sofa, sits on my chair arm, follows me to the toilet (and so does youngest brother) so I politely tell them to sit down, wait downstairs but they just don’t listen and DP Just lets them do whatever. I cba with it. Especially when they want to hold my baby all the time. So I told DP they can come but it if I’m honest it annoys me when I get followed round, jumped all over etc and that they don’t listen to me and he sits there and lets them do whatever. So he called me horrible for saying that about children. Ugh Aibu and hormones have got the best of me or would this piss you off too?

OP posts:

RyderWhiteSwan · 11/10/2018 16:58

Fuck that! you had plans, so go out as planned - HE looks after/entertains his siblings. So many men expect the woman to be default babysitter in this type of situation.

Rayn · 11/10/2018 16:59

I think if they come over he should make an effort! They are his siblings and it sounds like you do your fair share! Kids can be irritating just say you don't mind having them over but he does his fair share and more!!

Ragwort · 11/10/2018 16:59

In the classic Mumsnet reply 'you have a DP problem, it's not his siblings'. Ask him to engage with his siblings, suggest he cooks the meal and organises some activities- and if he won't or can't, what sort of Dad is he going to be to your own child?

DaphneFanshaw · 11/10/2018 16:59

If you’re at your Mum’s you won’t have to look after them, If your sharing a house with him then he should be able to have guests.
You’re right, you shouldn’t have to be the only one looking after the children when they are over, but surely you won’t have to if your not there anyway.

Original poster

Marlli · 11/10/2018 16:59

Yes I said I’d already arranged to go my mothers, with baby (breastfeeding so I can’t leave her with him iyswim). He’s calling me horrible basically because I’d rather go my mothers than stay in to babysit.

What I’m trying to say is that they can be hard work sometimes. I tell them no etc, sit down... what pisses me off is DP sits there and lets them do whatever when as he is their brother you’d think he would tell them “off” for me.

OP posts:

NameChanger365 · 11/10/2018 16:59

That would really annoy me. He's volunteering you as a babysitter without even asking you.

I'd start having prior arrangements every time he does it - he can look after the children on his own (including your baby sometimes). Hopefully that will make him realise that a) looking after them does actually involve work and b) he needs to check with you before making arrangements for your time.

Seaweed42 · 11/10/2018 16:59

He wants the kids over so everyone approves of him and how nice he is etc. But he doesn't actually want to have anything to do with the kids, he'll leave that up to you. Show them the baby for 5 mins then fo to your mother's house. He can take the kids to the cinema or something.

diddl · 11/10/2018 16:59

Presumably he can make dinner?

2x11yr olds & a 6yr old-should be possible with them!

diddl · 11/10/2018 17:02

Well if he knew you were going out & he can't manage then he should have told him mum no.

Any reason that he wouldn't also have been visiting your mum?

Original poster

Marlli · 11/10/2018 17:03

He doesn’t want to go my mums. The offers there every time but he says no

OP posts:

fantasmasgoria1 · 11/10/2018 17:03

He should not have to ask to have his siblings over but you should not have to be responsible for looking after them.

DPotter · 11/10/2018 17:04

I think you're getting a a bit of a rough ride here Marlli

As I understand he has offered to babysit for younger siblings, and assumed you would be there to assist him. He should have checked you were available before making that assumption. You are perfectly within your rights to feel annoyed at his assumption. I would stand by your arrangement with your DM - if you stay your DP will not have the incentive to check with you in future.

To the PP who questioned Marlli's ownership of the house - it's the 21st century, women can own property in their own right. It is not beyond reason that the OP does indeed own the house.

However Marlli one thing I would suggest is that you get used to children following you around including into the loo. Once your baby is walking you will have this lovely little shadow accompanying you everywhere - you'll rarely get to pee in peace. And 11 year old girls love following young women around - they learn so much from them.

FlowThroughIt · 11/10/2018 17:05

Just go to your Mum's it sounds like he's engineered a situation to try to prevent you from going to see your Mother because he doesn't like her.

happypoobum · 11/10/2018 17:05

Fuck that shit.

Absolutely go to your mums as planned. If you don't, you are teaching him that he can do as he likes and you will cave.

If you do this just one time, he won't e so quick to invite them over without checking with you again, I guarantee it.

Original poster

Marlli · 11/10/2018 17:05

I get that my baby will follow me lol. She’s mine. Surely there’s a difference between my daughter following me to Dps 11 yr old sister following me upstairs asking what I’m doing?

OP posts:

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 11/10/2018 17:06

Hah! No.

Go to your DM's house as planned, and he can babysit who he likes, where he likes. And if he develops any attitude about that, you have bigger problems.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/10/2018 17:07

How did he manage before he moved in with you? If he's incapable of doing dinner, babysitting and entertaining children... I assume his mummy did it and he expects you to do it now.

Nope.

diddl · 11/10/2018 17:08

"is that you get used to children following you around including into the loo. "

Oh no-have your peace while you can!

The toilet intruding happens soon enough!

Also, re him going to his mum's-it's not unusual to look after kids in their home, is it??!!

Aprilislonggone · 11/10/2018 17:10

Shouldn't worry too much longer. They will get the hint you cba with them and give you a wide berth....

MrsStrowman · 11/10/2018 17:11

I offer to have our niece without asking DH, but I will be the one looking after her, and often it is when he's at work. When he isn't he enjoys doing things with her or we take her out for the day together.
I don't think he needs to ask your permission to have them over on the basis he is the one babysitting. Go to your mum's as planned. He can't offer you as a babysitting service without you agreeing.

SputnikBear · 11/10/2018 17:12

No problem with DP having his siblings round BUT he needs to take care of them himself and ensure they respect OP’s home and don’t jump on the sofa etc. If he can’t control them and ensure they behave then he can’t have them round.

C8H10N4O2 · 11/10/2018 17:16

the house is mine. He has only recently moved in

So he has moved into your house, he is now expecting you to provide a childcare service for his siblings on demand. What are you getting out of this relationship? (I'm assuming from your posts that he isn't DD's DF?)

eggsandwich · 11/10/2018 17:17

Wait till your baby is older, they will be climbing over your chairs and your never be able to go to the loo alone until they are teenagers, welcome to our world.

timeisnotaline · 11/10/2018 17:18

Id be honest. Dp, you’re assuming I am happy to spend my afternoon looking after children. I’m not. They are welcome to come but you need to 1. Tell them not to follow me to the toilet , and not to bother baby unless they are allowed and 2. Look after them including dinner .
I will go for a walk in lieu of your usual fag breaks and play on my phone , ie what you usually do. If you don’t want to see them if it means you have to do work then by all means cancel the arrangement.
For next time!

Original poster

Marlli · 11/10/2018 17:22

I get what people are saying my baby will follow me round. But she’s my baby that’s the point?

OP posts:

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