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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP called me horrible for not wanting to babysi

90 replies

Marlli · 11/10/2018 16:30

dp has a younger brother and sister (twins aged 11) and a younger brother aged 6. We have a baby. He told me they are coming for a few hours tomorrow..

I said I had already made plans to go to my DM at the time with our DD. He looked pissed off and said the kids can just come our house anyway. I suggested he babysits at MILs as we have no food in and they say they get bored here (no toys etc)

He said why do I never want them to come here. I never get an opinion on the matter he just agrees to have them. I feel awful saying it but his 11 yr old sister really irritates me sometimes. She follows me everywhere, jumps on my sofa, sits on my chair arm, follows me to the toilet (and so does youngest brother) so I politely tell them to sit down, wait downstairs but they just don’t listen and DP Just lets them do whatever. I cba with it. Especially when they want to hold my baby all the time. So I told DP they can come but it if I’m honest it annoys me when I get followed round, jumped all over etc and that they don’t listen to me and he sits there and lets them do whatever. So he called me horrible for saying that about children. Ugh Aibu and hormones have got the best of me or would this piss you off too?

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 11/10/2018 17:23

he is expecting me to stay and make dinner as they haven’t seen our baby “for ages” (just over a week). He smokes and often goes outside for a fag when they come and takes ages sitting on his phone.

Fuck that shit.

Stick to your plans. He can cook and entertain if he wants them over.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 11/10/2018 17:26

Chuck him out. Too much hassle!

DPotter · 11/10/2018 17:28

Re 11 yr olds following - no the whole point is to follow a younger woman, than your Mum. Mums as a rule aren't cool when you're 11, but someone in her late teens or twentys is definitely cool and is to be followed and questioned closely on all things. Trust me it's in the rules. Have have to 'save' a couple of older nieces / cousins from younger ones who follow them around like little limpets.
Sorry - showing my age with the use of the word 'cool' - hope to understand what I'm trying to explain.

Havaina · 11/10/2018 17:28

He sounds a bit of a knob. Be firm that he needs to take care of his siblings himself when they come over. So her sorts their food, cleans up after them and entertains them. And definitely don't cancel seeing your mum.

Does he contribute equally to the house? Hope he's not a cocklodger.

Iloveacurry · 11/10/2018 17:33

Why can’t he babysit them by himself? Either at your house, you won’t be there anyway, or his mums.

EK36 · 11/10/2018 17:35

I think your partner is being unreasonable. Asking you to cancel your plans to cook dinner and babysit his siblings!!! He is being very rude. Go to your mum's. Suggest he takes them out e.g.mcdonnalds, cinema, bowling or something.

diddl · 11/10/2018 17:37

He got defensive because you criticised his siblings & him.

But really, if they do get bored, then they're surely better off at home-especially if there's food there (that he can turn into a meal for them).

FullMetalRabbit · 11/10/2018 17:38

you go to your mum's and he can "babysit" his siblings without you - his problem, he arranged it

Prettyvase · 11/10/2018 17:40

What the hell are you doing with such an incompetent misogynist?

Does he leave all the housework and laundry to you too?

Be careful about letting him live in your house or contributing to the bills unless you want to give him a share of your assets (new laws with civil partnership).

Imagine if a woman was to go round to her partner's house and leave her siblings there for him to deal with!

Absolute joke!

Come on op, don't ever let a guy treat you like that and don't get upset at his stupid comments.

diddl · 11/10/2018 17:40

Has he ever looked after his siblings before he knew you?

If so & he coped then-well he can cope again!

diddl · 11/10/2018 17:43

" Suggest he takes them out e.g.mcdonnalds, cinema, bowling or something."

Why??-so that the "man" can cope??!!

NobHob · 11/10/2018 17:44

Tell him he's horrible for inviting his kids round without asking about your plans, expecting you to change your plans as a result and expecting you to look after them and cater for them while he swans around outside with a fag in his mouth on the phone (to whom?)

Then have a serious discussion about how you are going to work together in order that this doesn't happen again.

If he isn't up for that, I'd have him right back out again.

NobHob · 11/10/2018 17:45

move right back out again!

HollowTalk · 11/10/2018 17:53

Is he the father of your child, OP? If not, I'd get rid, pronto.

Annabel7 · 11/10/2018 17:56

I'd just say you have plans already. As someone up thread suggested, let them have a cuddle with the baby then head to your mum's as planned. As you live together, I'd definitely let him have his sibling at yours. Let him look after them and sort out their dinner. He can get to the shops and buy something, right? I suspect we may find you on here in the future on a thread with something about 'man-child'/why should I do all the housework/why won't he help with our child) in the title....

diddl · 11/10/2018 17:57

From the OP- " We have a baby. "

Singlenotsingle · 11/10/2018 18:09

You are 100% NOT BU. You are allowing him to use your house to babysit his siblings - NOT agreeing to look after the DC, cook for them and keep them occupied. That's his job. Go off to your mum's for the evening.

woolduvet · 11/10/2018 18:16

"I don't mind staying another time, but if you've invited family, you entertain them and cook, just like I would for my guests."
Wife work!

shiningstar2 · 11/10/2018 18:27

I think some on here are giving you an unnecessarily hard time op. You have a baby of your own...and if it's your first you are coping with massive adjustments and changes to yours and your partner's lives. To add 3 extra kids to the mix...especially without notice or your agreement is not on.

We often hear on mumsnet of cheeky people who expect free babysitting service and this is sometimes family. How is this different? The op ...adjusting to first child ...remember what that was like people...is asked without notice to take on 3 more ...when she was going to go to her own mother's with baby. So instead of a bit of a break with mum maybe taking over for a while...a cup of coffee ...a listening ear ...she can babysit her oh's siblings at a moment's notice?

Some people have said she is alienating future babysitters. What? Another 5 years for the 11 year olds if they want to at the time and are the kind it's safe to leave kids with. I'm afraid the boot is on the other foot. The op is being the babysitter for her MIL ...without the help of her other half.

If the op had come on saying she had a baby of her own and say her sil was asking for ad hock babysitting for 3 kids plenty would say the sil was cheeky. You have enough on your plate op. If your partner wants to see his siblings and is prepared to pull his weight ...fair enough...but you should not have to cope with 4 kids instead of one...especially when u were going to have a possible little break with your own mum. Why should op's desire to have his siblings trump your desire to see your mum...especially if you are the one expected to do the looking after give dinner ext. Good luck op. I do agree with some who are saying you have an oh problem.

shiningstar2 · 11/10/2018 18:57

If the siblings want to see the new baby why not take the baby to MIL's that way you are also catching up with MIL. In fact why not leave baby with MIL for a couple of hours. That way she and siblings can see the baby and you can have a break. That is a good response to those who say the siblings naturally want to see the baby...and it's only one more for MIL. much better than three extra for a new mother.

diddl · 11/10/2018 20:12

"If the siblings want to see the new baby why not take the baby to MIL's that way you are also catching up with MIL"

Because Op already has plans to see her own mum & if the siblings need looking after, I'm assuming that MIL won't be there!

Also Op is bfeeding & may not even want a break from her baby!

Wednesdaypig · 11/10/2018 20:25

Something needs nipping in the bud before it becomes the norm. Well done op for not putting up with the wimmins' work shit right from the start.

Lweji · 12/10/2018 10:04

You are both unreasonable and reasonable.

I think it's fine for him to have his siblings in his home (even if it's not his house), unless he's not a partner but a lodger.

Having said that, it's also fine for you to be out when they're there (he said so) and for you to tell him to sort out dinner for all of you as he's staying home.

Surely he can get some food and take home some toys for them.

It looks like his siblings like you, even if they can be annoying. Unless you're in your 30s, they could become friends and a support in a few years, if you two manage to stay together somehow.

FloydWasACat · 12/10/2018 10:12

Before reading the full thread (brownie points) at the start I would have said you were being a bit U, but reading the whole thread, you are not at all!!! He is a grown man with younger siblings, he can deal with it. Not you. Go to your Mum's, enjoy this lovely, snuggly part of your baby's life!

Ennirem · 12/10/2018 10:16

You have a baby with someone you only just moved in with?

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