Having a wedding reception 30 miles away from the ceremony?

[chocolateorange7]

Opinions please...

I am really hating wedding planning. We don't have a lot of money to spare, and families aren't helping us, so we really don't want to go wild. I have a somewhat difficult past with my family, and try and limit visits with them to 3-4 times a year, so we wanted to do a 'just the two of us' wedding, but this created a lot of upset from some family members when they started questioning us about our plans. This really pissed me off, as people assumed they would be invited, and then started making comments when I said there would be no fancy do, disco etc. We decided we would do it in a registry office as this is considerably cheaper than hiring a venue and spending £500 on top for the attendance of the registrar.

There's a registry office about 15 miles away, but it's literally just a bleak office block and not really somewhere I wanted to get married in. The other choice was 30 miles away, in a nice old manor house with picturesque gardens, so we booked this one.

In terms of a reception, we thought it would be easiest to go to a pub (much to the chagrin of my father, who again, thinks it should be something posh), as we will only have about 15 guests. However, after having checked out the area and been to a few locals, they're all quite busy, run down, and just not what we want in terms of food.

We've decided we would rather go to our favourite country pub near where we live, which we love. The food is nice, it has a nice garden, and it's our day, so why not?

Is it too much to ask people to drive 30 miles after the ceremony to go to the pub? My family already looks down on me for not hiring an expensive hotel, so I'm thinking of telling them they don't have to come if they don't want to. The whole thing is getting me down a bit, it doesn't feel like our day anymore!

[ArchbishopOfBanterbury]

Do it your way. Your family will cope!

You could do the marriage and the pub reception on 2 different days, or registry office in the morning - say at 10am, and pub at 8pm. That way the day is broken up, and the reception is less formal. They can join you for a pub drink later if they fancy it.

[Caroelle]

We invited and got married with very immediate family and two close friends as witnesses. We did not tell my vile parents or anyone else. We arranged a summer party/bbq on the same day and invited everyone we wanted ( and vile parents but they could not be bothered to come. 😁) When people arrived there was a Just married banner outside. We had a lovely day. Vile parents got hissy but we cut off contact eventually, and it’s not as though they weren’t invited to the ‘reception’. Do your own thing, it’s your wedding, sod the rest of them.

[Fadingmemory]

It is your day, your decision. To assuage the grumblers, if you can, hire a minibus or tell them just to go straight to the reception. On the day you should be thinking about getting ready and of the ceremony & you new H, not worrying about people who should just get on and organise themselves.

[NotNachoing]

Invite them to the pub then. Do what you want: they had their chance to get married, or will do later, and that's when they get to do what they want. You won't get another chance to do what you want. And if they keep moaning (and you're not bothered if they come or not), then just say, "Oh, I understand if it's too much for you to make it. We can catch up after and I can show you my photos" or something. Then don't enter any discussions about it again. Just to nip it in the bud.

And I think you're very sensible about keeping costs down too.

[crosstalk]

Another one for just inviting to pub - so just you and your witnesses at the registrar's. You could organise with the pub for some lovely music when you come in - their other customers will probably love it or can be prewarned at least - it's only 3 minutes of their time and you'd have to be very curmudgeonly not to welcome a bridal couple.

[shearwater]

My wedding venue and reception venue were about 200 miles from where some of the guests live. Do the minibus thing and let your guests worry about getting home afterwards, though you could put some taxi numbers and B&B details in the invitation.

[Atalune]

I actually hate the term and connotations of its your day!

Weddings are to be witnessed, and then you are hosting a big celebration. A little consideration is order surely?

Unless of course you want to elope then have at it!

[PatriciaHolm]

Presumably there are local, reasonably priced overnight options near the pub?

If you are expecting people to drive to the wedding, then the pub, then home, its going to make it a long and tiring day and sober for a lot of drivers.

[Deadbudgie]

Tbh it sounds like a utter pain. Do the guests have to drive home after the pub or are they staying there? For a wedding guest they would literally be driving round all day. If I was you I’d find somewhere totally different. Reckon 20 min is the max drive between venues. I know one person who had their wedding in a church, wedding breakfast about 10 miles away and evening do about another 10 miles away. Total pia