Having a wedding reception 30 miles away from the ceremony?

[chocolateorange7]

Opinions please...

I am really hating wedding planning. We don't have a lot of money to spare, and families aren't helping us, so we really don't want to go wild. I have a somewhat difficult past with my family, and try and limit visits with them to 3-4 times a year, so we wanted to do a 'just the two of us' wedding, but this created a lot of upset from some family members when they started questioning us about our plans. This really pissed me off, as people assumed they would be invited, and then started making comments when I said there would be no fancy do, disco etc. We decided we would do it in a registry office as this is considerably cheaper than hiring a venue and spending £500 on top for the attendance of the registrar.

There's a registry office about 15 miles away, but it's literally just a bleak office block and not really somewhere I wanted to get married in. The other choice was 30 miles away, in a nice old manor house with picturesque gardens, so we booked this one.

In terms of a reception, we thought it would be easiest to go to a pub (much to the chagrin of my father, who again, thinks it should be something posh), as we will only have about 15 guests. However, after having checked out the area and been to a few locals, they're all quite busy, run down, and just not what we want in terms of food.

We've decided we would rather go to our favourite country pub near where we live, which we love. The food is nice, it has a nice garden, and it's our day, so why not?

Is it too much to ask people to drive 30 miles after the ceremony to go to the pub? My family already looks down on me for not hiring an expensive hotel, so I'm thinking of telling them they don't have to come if they don't want to. The whole thing is getting me down a bit, it doesn't feel like our day anymore!

[Deadbudgie]

Tbh it sounds like a utter pain. Do the guests have to drive home after the pub or are they staying there? For a wedding guest they would literally be driving round all day. If I was you I’d find somewhere totally different. Reckon 20 min is the max drive between venues. I know one person who had their wedding in a church, wedding breakfast about 10 miles away and evening do about another 10 miles away. Total pia

[PatriciaHolm]

Presumably there are local, reasonably priced overnight options near the pub?

If you are expecting people to drive to the wedding, then the pub, then home, its going to make it a long and tiring day and sober for a lot of drivers.

[Atalune]

I actually hate the term and connotations of its your day!

Weddings are to be witnessed, and then you are hosting a big celebration. A little consideration is order surely?

Unless of course you want to elope then have at it!

[shearwater]

My wedding venue and reception venue were about 200 miles from where some of the guests live. Do the minibus thing and let your guests worry about getting home afterwards, though you could put some taxi numbers and B&B details in the invitation.

[crosstalk]

Another one for just inviting to pub - so just you and your witnesses at the registrar's. You could organise with the pub for some lovely music when you come in - their other customers will probably love it or can be prewarned at least - it's only 3 minutes of their time and you'd have to be very curmudgeonly not to welcome a bridal couple.

[NotNachoing]

Invite them to the pub then. Do what you want: they had their chance to get married, or will do later, and that's when they get to do what they want. You won't get another chance to do what you want. And if they keep moaning (and you're not bothered if they come or not), then just say, "Oh, I understand if it's too much for you to make it. We can catch up after and I can show you my photos" or something. Then don't enter any discussions about it again. Just to nip it in the bud.

And I think you're very sensible about keeping costs down too.

[Fadingmemory]

It is your day, your decision. To assuage the grumblers, if you can, hire a minibus or tell them just to go straight to the reception. On the day you should be thinking about getting ready and of the ceremony & you new H, not worrying about people who should just get on and organise themselves.

[Caroelle]

We invited and got married with very immediate family and two close friends as witnesses. We did not tell my vile parents or anyone else. We arranged a summer party/bbq on the same day and invited everyone we wanted ( and vile parents but they could not be bothered to come. 😁) When people arrived there was a Just married banner outside. We had a lovely day. Vile parents got hissy but we cut off contact eventually, and it’s not as though they weren’t invited to the ‘reception’. Do your own thing, it’s your wedding, sod the rest of them.

[ArchbishopOfBanterbury]

Do it your way. Your family will cope!

You could do the marriage and the pub reception on 2 different days, or registry office in the morning - say at 10am, and pub at 8pm. That way the day is broken up, and the reception is less formal. They can join you for a pub drink later if they fancy it.

[PedroLostHisGlasses]

We asked people to come to the reception venue in the morning, they could park their cars there, and those who weren't local had a choice of places of stay. Then we put on a bus from reception venue to ceremony venue and back again. That worked really well and people had a great time chatting on the bus.

However it sounds like you don't want anyone there, so I'd actually just do the 'two-of-you' wedding you wanted in the first place!

[WhichSchoolForDS]

P.S. Sounds like a lovely wedding.

[WhichSchoolForDS]

Like another poster was about to say YABU but it's a small wedding and what you've proposed makes sense. I wonder if it would be too expensive to hire a small coach to transport people between the two?

[PartAnd]

I think it’s ok but I wouldn’t do it myself. I’d prefer a less nice venue or reception closer together.

Although thinking about it...we had a similar size wedding and a similar drive and it was fine. 😂

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Hi op, I had a similar situation with my wedding. My only comment (based on what I learned) would be: no matter what you do, you won't make everyone happy. You might not even make anyone happy, including yourselves if you compromise too much.

So I'd recommend you think seriously about what you really want and go for that. If the others don't like it well... They don't sound like they'd approve of anything you choose so you're no worse of. Maybe better off if they end up not coming.

[Atalune]

The journey is too long. Sorry

[yikesanotherbooboo]

Book pub for celebration, let friends and family know that they are welcome at reg office if they wish, or arrange pub as above but ferry people from there to reg office and back

[Butterflycookie]

I honestly would just elope. Who gives a shit about what other people think. Spend the money on yourselves. If your family wants you to have a fancy wedding then they can help pay for it!

[EK36]

I think the 45 minute journey is too far. If you go ahead make sure you explain the distance between the two places, on the invites as it will probably affect people's decision.

[April2018mom]

My mom handled most of the logistics of my wedding last year. We often sat down and marked things carefully off any planning lists we made up.
My job was to send out invitations and prepare my wedding speech as well as find a decent dress for my big day. Make sure that you are happy with everything.
How much will everything cost? Honestly I decided to keep costs down as much as possible. To save money we baked a wedding cake at home and had a winter wedding instead of a summer one. We also found a cheaper dress online.
Any wedding presents were stored in my bedroom. I suggest that you do what works for you personally. Does everyone else have a car or not? Can they afford to rent a bus?
A wedding does not need to cost millions of pounds either. On the whole my wedding day was low cost and personal. We made up our own dances to the music instead. When it came to photography we asked a close friend to take pictures of us as a married couple rather than hire a professional photographer.
We did however sporadically splurge on the food. How much does the registry office charge? After the register office we went straight to the pub. So much cheaper. A catering company supplied the food. But it’s your wedding your special day.
Always remember that. When is your special day?

[Bluesmartiesarebest]

Op, your mistake was discussing your wedding plans with your difficult family. Tell them that you have decided to delay getting married as you can’t afford it. Then book the tiny wedding that you and your DP want without telling anyone. Let everyone know after the event if you choose to or tell them when you celebrate your first wedding anniversary!

[HollowTalk]

I would have a Vegas type wedding abroad and would have it with my honeymoon. I wouldn't expect people to travel 30 miles from the ceremony to a pub. Whereabouts are you, OP? Someone local to you might have some good ideas.

[mummmy2017]

Could you hire 2 mini buses, your lot in one his in the other, I would let him stay at his parents for the night...
Then when your married you get the one bus with parents and children. Bridesmaids... Have some games or a quiz and have two people on phones between the buses.... Winners get a prize when you get to venue...
Then uses them again to drop everyone home.... I'd hand over £15 for a seat on the wedding mystery tour.

[stellabird]

Since your original wish was to have "just the two of you" I'd go with that. As the song says, if you can't please everyone, just please yourself. Invite everyone to the pub do, and when you arrive there , just announce "by the way, we're married !" Have a lovely day and don't let them get you down .

[Ceara]

I went to a wedding very much like you are planning, OP - maybe with double the number of guests. It was one of the happiest weddings I've ever been to. Nobody minded the drive between the register office and the pub - all the guests were family or good friends of the couple, understood the venue choices and wanted the couple's day to be a joyful one. People lift-shared and guests who didn't want to drive home booked a room at the pub or into a B&B in the same village. Pick your guests carefully and go for it!

[letallthechildrenboogie]

Yes, we did this. We were young and skint when we got married and the reception was several miles away. Family at the wedding, everyone at the reception. Worked fine and if people want to be there they'll make what is, after all, only a small effort.