Having a wedding reception 30 miles away from the ceremony?

[chocolateorange7]

Opinions please...

I am really hating wedding planning. We don't have a lot of money to spare, and families aren't helping us, so we really don't want to go wild. I have a somewhat difficult past with my family, and try and limit visits with them to 3-4 times a year, so we wanted to do a 'just the two of us' wedding, but this created a lot of upset from some family members when they started questioning us about our plans. This really pissed me off, as people assumed they would be invited, and then started making comments when I said there would be no fancy do, disco etc. We decided we would do it in a registry office as this is considerably cheaper than hiring a venue and spending £500 on top for the attendance of the registrar.

There's a registry office about 15 miles away, but it's literally just a bleak office block and not really somewhere I wanted to get married in. The other choice was 30 miles away, in a nice old manor house with picturesque gardens, so we booked this one.

In terms of a reception, we thought it would be easiest to go to a pub (much to the chagrin of my father, who again, thinks it should be something posh), as we will only have about 15 guests. However, after having checked out the area and been to a few locals, they're all quite busy, run down, and just not what we want in terms of food.

We've decided we would rather go to our favourite country pub near where we live, which we love. The food is nice, it has a nice garden, and it's our day, so why not?

Is it too much to ask people to drive 30 miles after the ceremony to go to the pub? My family already looks down on me for not hiring an expensive hotel, so I'm thinking of telling them they don't have to come if they don't want to. The whole thing is getting me down a bit, it doesn't feel like our day anymore!

Can you not have wedding at the country pub

For 15 guests surely they can taxi share to get to the ceremony? If you then hire a minibus (shh don't mention the word wedding when you book or they triple the price lol) from ceremony to local pub. Then they just have to get themselves home which surely most people expect when they attend a wedding!

Don't let 15 peoples opinions change what YOU AND FUTURE DH want for your wedding. It's your day. Nobody else's and there is always a way round these things!

Yeah I bet if you can find a willing registrar they could have the ceremony at the pub.

@Allthewaves don't venues need to be licensed for wedding ceremonies?

Your idea sounds fine. Maybe try and link up some car/taxi shares to ease the travelling logistics.

Are you in England OP?

If you are in Scotland then a Humanist celebrant could marry you at the pub (assuming they don't already have a civil wedding license)

OP do what you want to do! By the sounds of it no one will be happy with what you are doing anyway and you are doing everything you can to please them!

You and DP go off one day and get married, no planning no nothing, just the two of you, it will be what you want to do. Don't tell anyone until you come back as husband & wife. It should be what you want not any one else!

You could always meet everyone in your favourite pub a few days/weeks after for a meal and a drink!

It also depends on how long and difficult the 30 miles is.
There are two towns near me. One is about 30 miles away and the other is 40. The 30 mile away town is connected by a fast road so you can get there is 25 minutes. The 40 mile away town is over an hour away.

Will you be having pictures etc at the Manor House? If so I’d be miffed at hanging around there.

We recently went to a wedding reception which was 55 miles from the church, the couple laid transport on and we had a great time on the way having a few drinks and chatting. Once we were there the venue was lovely and suited the couple really well, so we were all happy to travel and get a taxi home or stay home. Just have the wedding you want, those who truly care will be there.

Sorry. I was delayed in posting and I see op has since answered my question.

OP, what do you and your DP want for your wedding day?

Do that and ignore the moaners. You won’t please them whatever you do so don’t even try.

Just elope, it's what you want. Celebration in pub a week or 2 later. Who cares about our family, they sound like arseholes and they'll spoil your day. This place looks nice www.millbrookestate.co.uk/

Or if you're further north, Gretna Green!

Op sounds fine to me. Perfectly normal where I live!! Also most weddings people sort their own transport, can't remember the last one where someone organised a bus or taxis unless it was an actual guest organising them

what i always say on wedding dilemas with family, it is your wedding day NOT theirs, tell them the details and if they can attend great if they cant you won't be offended! weddings dont have to please everyone aslong as it is what you and your husband to be what and are happy with dont let others nit picking get you down

I wouldn't go to both, I'd go to whatever is closest to me. 30 miles is a long way to drive and people may be anxious about getting lifts etc.

Its all well and good suggesting the OP elopes but that would also cost money and she stated in the first paragraph that money was tight, so not sure that's helpful advice.

OP you know you like the venues and the pub you have chosen so keep those parts because they are what you wanted to do, have a serious think about which part is making it not feel like it is your day. Is it the inclusion of family, in which case tell them that's the plan and if they don't like it then they do not have to come.

Try to remember it is yours ad your partners ay and if part of it is already stressing you out this will be 10x worse on the day itself.

I would look again at options near the wedding venue, surely there is somewhere less than 20 people can have a nice meal?
Obviously don't mention the word wedding when you book it. Say anniversary or something.

Marriage in the registry office with half a dozen people you want to be there and who you know will make the effort to travel for you without complaining.
Party in the pub you choose afterwards for everyone else.
It's your day, do it your way.

Our local church and reception venue were 20 miles/ 40 mins drive away on fairly decent, rural A roads. Few people are local so had to drive and most chose to stay at the reception hotel for a night or two anyway. There was a real shortage of appropriately sized venues more locally and those would have made more logistical issues for accommodation/ transport. So a distance between venues isn't necessarily problematic.

If guests are going to whinge, inviting them to the reception with a voluntary extra invitation to the ceremony is fine as it gives them the choice to opt in. Some might favour one over the other. If they are that awful, you don't have to invite them particularly as no one is supporting you on a tight budget

We did something similar and hired a bus.

cancel the lot. You don't have much money so book a minimal ceremony at a place and time that suits YOU and the necessary two witnesses.

then arrange a meal for people you LIKE at a suitable place for all. Don't call it a wedding or fuss it up like a wedding, that will also save a fortune.

priorities. Particularly if you don't like many of the potential guests!

I would use the register office in your nearest town and find a pub or restaurant in the same town. There must be one nice place in the whole town? Seems a lot of to and fro.

Have the small ceremony with two witnesses at the registry office. I think all registry offices are obliged to offer this. It'll be a weekday morning. Make sure one of your witnesses can use a camera and get lots of photos/video. Have a nice pub lunch or whatever. Then have a party for your other guests at the pub on a weekend night, and show a compilation of the photos.

Sod the lot of them, and do what YOU want!

What do you actually want to do? Get married in this lovely manor registry office and then go out for dinner with just your witnesses? Go for dinner, just the two of you? Do you want to just elope and head to scotland and get married on a beach or in a glen there, in a humanist ceremony and eat fish and chips and sit in a hot tub drinking whiskey on the side of a mountain for your honeymoon? Escape to London and get married in a nice registry office there and have a swanky dinner and do some sight seeing just the two of you and random people off the streets?

You only have to do what you and your partner want to do on your wedding day and only have to invite the people you and your partner want to on your wedding day.