OH not being invited after all i done and other colleagues OH was

[LJFM2B]

Long post alert ... i worked with who i thought was a friend for 5 years, we were close as worked side by side the whole time, went out after work and celebrated birthdays etc. After i left the company we stayed in touch and would meet up every 6 weeks or so. When she got engaged I was so excited for her, to celebrate i took her out for dinner and wanted to know the ins and outs of plans etc ... They had managed to get there dream venue for 9 months time!!

Im a bridal hair stylist and so said i would do her hair for free, including trials ... I helped with plans as much as possible with plans and ID's and even purchasing little bits she needed etc ... she lives 40 minutes from me - i went and done a hair trial for her, and her 2 bridemaids, while i was there she mentioned she wanted a videographer but couldn't afford it ... i said she should get a video camera and ask somebody to film it for her, or maybe a few people to get clips through out the day which she was excited about.
She gave me an all day invite while i was there and it only had my name on it not DP which i thought "fair enough shes cutting back, they have only given themselves 9 months" (i had just moved in with DP at this stage) and she told me another colleague was going to be there all day so i would know someone (didnt worry me but great)

Anyway time flys and wedding day comes, no mention of my DP being invited for the evening (not a free bar) .. the venue was 90 minutes from me, my DP kindly took me to the venue as he wanted the car for the day and agreed to pick me up ... i was a bit sad that he wasn't going to be there at all but i had a job to do a friend to watch get married so off i went... done the brides hair, 2 bridesmaids, and her mum and quickly got myself ready in the toilet to be apart of the day and when i said "im off, good luck you look amazing" she said "oh before you go" and reached down into a box and pulled out a video camera and said "i got the camera can you video everything for me, iv told the celebrant that youll be down the front with us etc" ... I was in shock a bit, i had been there since 7am to get them ready i really thought my duties were done as a friend BUT of course its her wedding day so i took the camera and done the best job i could do - filming aisle shots, vows, first kiss and went on to film little messages from her friends and family during the cocktail hour so she could watch it back (took my job seriously)

Evening meal comes and i take my seat and sat next to my old colleague who i had hardly seen and she asked "wheres DP" i explained he wasnt invited to which she replied "no way, bride invited my DP and weve only been seeing each other 4 months, the only reason his not here is because his its his brothers stag" .... i had to stop myself from welling up to be honest ... might seem dramatic but i really felt used. Me and DP had been together for just over 18 months at this point and we lived together.

Evening came along with old colleagues that poored in as evening guests along WITH there DP's. When the first dance and cake cutting was announced the bride made a B line for me and said "aw can you make sure you get these and a little bit of people dancing and then that should be it" .... i acted completely normal as i wouldnt have wanted to put a downer on her day and i done as she asked, i even spent 20 minutes after the first dance trying to enjoy myself but i then text DP and asked him to leave when he could ... it was a 90 minute journey so i didnt have to shoot off straight away and spent the rest of my time chatting to old colleagues about life!! who all asked where DP was - it was embarrassing ... I told bride i was off because i was so tiered, and she then said "why dont DP pop in for a bit?" .. this actually made me livid ... but again held my tongue i said "his in scruffy clothes, he didnt know he was going to get asked in, if you said earlier on he would of got ready" ... making the point he wasnt invited, ... she shrugged it off a bit tipsy by then and we said our byes

She text me 2 weeks after the wedding (they went on honeymoon the day after) .. in the text it said how amazing mexico was and she loved her hair and was looking forward to watching the video...

i wrote out a long reply and then deleted it - I then didnt reply and havent spoken to her since!

AIBU?

Sorry @Nettled but i have to disagree ... you allowed yourself to be shuffled into 'hired staff' mode from the beginning of the wedding plans by buying her things, and helping her plan and generally doing things that someone in the wedding party, a close friend/bridesmaid, or a hired wedding planner should have been doing. as far as i was concerned i was a close friend, we sat side by side for 5 years and took our lunch breaks together for majority of that time and always met up and kept in contact after which was both sided and after her parents, sister and cousin (her BMs) i was one of the first people she told about being engaged. So i had no reason to not act as a friend and help out and be excited for her.

When she produced the camera, that was your moment to say politely that you'd already made your contribution to the day by doing four people's hair and were planning to be on guest mode from now on, OR, if you were feeling very generous, agree to film for a short period at the reception, but make it plain that it was the bride/bridesmaids'/best man's responsibility to marshall other guests to contribute looking back yes i should have passed this on but because i was under the illusion that i was there with the same rules as everybody else (no DP for colleagues) i didnt actually mind after the initial shock of it PLUS i really did not know anybody apart from my old colleague so passing the camera to a random man or woman who id never met and telling them to start filming didnt sit comfortable with me .. Again, at the meal, you had a chance to pass on the filming to someone else but you meekly took instructions from the bride im not meek - i may be over generous with my time and actions but not meek ... also if you read back through - you will see that it was at the meal that i heard about the other ladies DP being invited and from that moment on i didnt film anymore until the bride chased me with the camera at the first dance and cake cutting ... i wasnt going to cause a scene and tell her no seconds before her first dance song came on ... sorry if thats meek to you but its who i am. Some people may have taken that chance to say what they felt but i didnt think it was worth being the bitch that caused a drama at the wedding for, shortly after this i asked DP to come and get me because of how pissed off i was.

I think your DP being left out is a bit of a red herring sorry but again i disagree - it wasnt the fact he wasnt physically by my side, it was because he was the only one out of 8 colleagues partners who wasnt invited and i was the closest too her ...

Don't let your good nature be played upon again like this i really dont intend too but i cant help being a friend to somebody who i believe is a friend back.

I think your trying to be helpful but your post comes across quite patronising ... I understand when posting i set myself up for a mixture of responses but seen as the nature of this post is about me being walked over i thought id defend myself a little .. sorry if it comes across as rude .. thanks for responding to the post anyway

Op, you've done nothing wrong here. Ignore the victim blaming and don't rise to it. 💐

@Bluntness100 honestly she had met our bosses husband maybe twice and they were breif encounters , and one of the other ladies i know she brought her DP out for a payday drink a couple of times but thats it ... she met mine twice at least and said she really liked him and said she saw us gettimg married etc ... he wasnt an ex no because his from kent and shes essex and i had worked with her for 5 years previous to her meeting her now husband and know all dating history (she was with a highschool sweet heart for the first 3 years of knowing her) ... i think like some people have said - she wanted me focused on the job !

Yeah but op, initially the job was just rhe hair, so it doesn't explain why he wasn't invited right away.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad madness
@Unsuitablelake thank you thats very sweet!!
@Snog @Sparklesocks i feel like im going to leave it until she brings it up maybe ... just forget about her until she next communicates IF that should say

thank you for all your replies !! @CoffeeCoffeeTea @Darkstar4855

It reads to me as if she'd written the invitation before she asked Op to video, so she either doesn't like your OH, or didn't want him there whilst you were doing hair!

@Bluntness100 thank

I think since you suggested the video idea she maybe heard it as you volunteered. But you have every right to feel used and if you think your friend did deliberately use you as opposed to being a bit caught up in the day there is no future in the friendship.

I imagine she'll be in contact for her baby shower or something like that...

Diddl, this is my point, he was never invited, from day 1. So there is some other reason.

Overall I think your good nature was taken advantage of. Your work colleague just wanted your full attention, which is really mean.

I'm not victim blaming but you could have politely declined at least the evening session, wouldn't have to become 'a scene' - just a 'Oops sorry had a bit too much to drink - time for someone else to have a go'.
Please don't offer / agree to do any editing of the video. If she gives you grief, just point out a) you're a friend and b) you saved her several 100s of pounds.

Bet you also bought her a wedding present?

Oh poor you OP. She sounds completely self-absorbed.

Personally I’d wipe away my tears, pick up my chin and file this one away to experience. No more contact. Any further requests to meet etc ignored or politely declined as you choose.

Hi OP, I'm shocked that what you did for a friend would be considered as "hired staff" . There are a lot of CFs out there, but just remember there are also a lot of true friends. Not my quote, but it's all about "weeding out the bad and cultivating " your real friends.

Such a cf! She should of got you a lovely bunch of flowers and mentioned you in speeches at the very least.
You sound lovely though op and i wish you were my friend as you seem a fab person.xx

editing a video is hard work... i wonder who shes employing/using to do that for her!??!
you've gone above and beyond and i'm sorry that your kind nature was taken advantage of and for granted.
it's this kind of behaviour from cf's that stops people being kind or asking for kindness when really needed.
such a shame.

well done you for being so lovely, and i'm sorry you've been hurt by a so-called friend - nothing worse!

That was really rude of her OP. You deserve better.

OP - apologising now as I haven’t read the full thread which is really rude of me because you’ve been replying to everyone - you really do sound lovely and I hope you don’t delete the video because yes she was an ABSOLUTE CF, but it’s still her wedding video and that would be even meaner than what she did to you. And what she did to you was horrible. I think, if you do value the friendship, you should ask to have a chat and say that you feel very taken advantage of. Obviously there is nothing she can do to change the day but hopefully she will realise how shitty she was and generally be a better mate - and apologise!

Very rude, the least she could do was invite your do, after all the money you saved her. If she asks whats wrong, tell her.or hourly!d say CF friend, I am glad that you liked the video, however I am quite hurt that my dpwasent invited when all the others partners were, considering tpwhat I did for you. Leave it at that!