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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH not being invited after all i done and other colleagues OH was

93 replies

LJFM2B · 11/10/2018 13:50

Long post alert ... i worked with who i thought was a friend for 5 years, we were close as worked side by side the whole time, went out after work and celebrated birthdays etc. After i left the company we stayed in touch and would meet up every 6 weeks or so. When she got engaged I was so excited for her, to celebrate i took her out for dinner and wanted to know the ins and outs of plans etc ... They had managed to get there dream venue for 9 months time!!

Im a bridal hair stylist and so said i would do her hair for free, including trials ... I helped with plans as much as possible with plans and ID's and even purchasing little bits she needed etc ... she lives 40 minutes from me - i went and done a hair trial for her, and her 2 bridemaids, while i was there she mentioned she wanted a videographer but couldn't afford it ... i said she should get a video camera and ask somebody to film it for her, or maybe a few people to get clips through out the day which she was excited about.
She gave me an all day invite while i was there and it only had my name on it not DP which i thought "fair enough shes cutting back, they have only given themselves 9 months" (i had just moved in with DP at this stage) and she told me another colleague was going to be there all day so i would know someone (didnt worry me but great)

Anyway time flys and wedding day comes, no mention of my DP being invited for the evening (not a free bar) .. the venue was 90 minutes from me, my DP kindly took me to the venue as he wanted the car for the day and agreed to pick me up ... i was a bit sad that he wasn't going to be there at all but i had a job to do a friend to watch get married so off i went... done the brides hair, 2 bridesmaids, and her mum and quickly got myself ready in the toilet to be apart of the day and when i said "im off, good luck you look amazing" she said "oh before you go" and reached down into a box and pulled out a video camera and said "i got the camera can you video everything for me, iv told the celebrant that youll be down the front with us etc" ... I was in shock a bit, i had been there since 7am to get them ready i really thought my duties were done as a friend BUT of course its her wedding day so i took the camera and done the best job i could do - filming aisle shots, vows, first kiss and went on to film little messages from her friends and family during the cocktail hour so she could watch it back (took my job seriously)

Evening meal comes and i take my seat and sat next to my old colleague who i had hardly seen and she asked "wheres DP" i explained he wasnt invited to which she replied "no way, bride invited my DP and weve only been seeing each other 4 months, the only reason his not here is because his its his brothers stag" .... i had to stop myself from welling up to be honest ... might seem dramatic but i really felt used. Me and DP had been together for just over 18 months at this point and we lived together.

Evening came along with old colleagues that poored in as evening guests along WITH there DP's. When the first dance and cake cutting was announced the bride made a B line for me and said "aw can you make sure you get these and a little bit of people dancing and then that should be it" .... i acted completely normal as i wouldnt have wanted to put a downer on her day and i done as she asked, i even spent 20 minutes after the first dance trying to enjoy myself but i then text DP and asked him to leave when he could ... it was a 90 minute journey so i didnt have to shoot off straight away and spent the rest of my time chatting to old colleagues about life!! who all asked where DP was - it was embarrassing ... I told bride i was off because i was so tiered, and she then said "why dont DP pop in for a bit?" .. this actually made me livid ... but again held my tongue i said "his in scruffy clothes, he didnt know he was going to get asked in, if you said earlier on he would of got ready" ... making the point he wasnt invited, ... she shrugged it off a bit tipsy by then and we said our byes

She text me 2 weeks after the wedding (they went on honeymoon the day after) .. in the text it said how amazing mexico was and she loved her hair and was looking forward to watching the video...

i wrote out a long reply and then deleted it - I then didnt reply and havent spoken to her since!

AIBU?

OP posts:

MaybeDoctor · 11/10/2018 14:26

I think people sometimes get so carried away by the wedding 'money saving tips' that they forget to consider whether or not they are asking too much of their guests.

'Get your guests to all bring a dish' - yes, I really want to turn up to the ceremony, having put on my best clothes and travelled from miles away, with a cling-filmed plate in my hand.

'Ask a friend to take video for a more authentic record of your day' - well, she got you there!

If possible, try to let it go.

Lweji · 11/10/2018 14:27

If the bride produced the camera, it's to be expected that she has the video, not OP.
Unless she also asked you to edit it, OP.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 11/10/2018 14:31

You've been CF'd, OP. I'm sorry, it is crap. It's hard to 'confront' her as such as there isn't a 'right' to attend a wedding, but of course, the way she did it was poor and I agree, probably designed to get you working all day.

Don't delete the video - that would be rather spiteful and you don't sound like that kind of person.

Just cut contact, let her draw her own conclusion. If she asks, tell her.

diddl · 11/10/2018 14:32

"You were never a guest, you were unpaid staff."

It does seem that way, doesn't it?

I probably wouldn't delete the video, but I wouldn't take it to her or be in a hurry to be available if she wants to fetch it.

Actually, I might just post it on to her & forget it-and her!

KC225 · 11/10/2018 14:34

DELETE THE VIDEO.

She deserves nothing.

Aprilislonggone · 11/10/2018 14:34

Make a super sized bill itemising all your input
Add a few minutes of you holding it at the end of the video.

Figgygal · 11/10/2018 14:36

Give her the video tell her she's a piss taker and then cut her off

What a twat

gamerchick · 11/10/2018 14:37

Make a super sized bill itemising all your input
Add a few minutes of you holding it at the end of the video

This ^^ then give her the video and cut her off. I doubt the bride will be in touch.

Don't delete the video but please try to reign in the people pleasing. You just know she's going to pimp out your services and you need to be ready for that.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2018 14:38

Deleting the video would be petty.

It certainly would.

I would do it. In a heartbeat.

Dvg · 11/10/2018 14:39

not exactly a friend :S. no way i would be talking to her ever again and if she asked why i would be telling her exactly why and saying how we obviously arnt close anymore.

Dvg · 11/10/2018 14:41

oh ALSO.. Yes.. DELETE the video :D Sorry but you were not paid as staff so you shouldn't give her the goods.

TemptressofWaikiki · 11/10/2018 14:43

I'd delete the video. And block contact. That is just beyond shitty.

MinnieRabbit · 11/10/2018 14:43

Just as devil's advocate here...

Is there a chance that there were crossed wires regarding the wedding video and she thought that your suggestion was an offer?

The hair and the celebration meal etc. you offered to do so you can't really get upset about that.

Does she know your partner? If she still works with the other colleagues then she may know their partners, hence their invites? I see all the time on here people not inviting couples because they only know one half.

Just wondering, not siding with your friend at all as she's clearly taken advantage of your good nature.

Original poster

LJFM2B · 11/10/2018 14:44

@AuntBeastie thank you!! i asked in a round about way, more so asking who else was coming and she always mentioned my colleagues but not there partners and she joked that me and the other day guest would be each others partners for the day... i also told her DP was dropping me and picking me up kind of hoping she would say " oh DP can come in the evening, especially that his going to be picking you up anyway" but never did.

@Rainagain1 i know and i suppose thats why im asking if IABU ... but not sure if the friendship is a 2 way thing after all ... I would just never dream of it! feel like im too old for fake friends and have enough real friends to know the difference!

@needsahouseboy haha thanks, I didnt do anything to ruin it - i even done a message my self earlier in the day before i new about all the other partners being invited!! ... grrr

@Returnofthesmileybar I know, i stupidly left the camera there! I honestly if DP was there or if the other partners wasnt invited i actually wouldnt of minded doing either for free (would of still thought it was cheeky about the video but would of got on with it) ... but because of the non invite and the late night " oh pop in" its made me livid ... maybe i will send something! just know i dont want to be friends with her so not sure if its worthit!

@Celebelly i know, i do see alot of bratish behaviour in my job to be honest! sometimes unbelievable what people expect

@BarbarianMum i honestly wouldnt have minded doing them things if the other DPs werent invited

@Aprilislonggone its like pre wedding we were actual friends but then as soon as she got engaged she used me for my wedding knowledge and as a vendor and not a friend/guest!

@peakydante she had met him 2 or 3 times briefly admittedly and thats why i didnt question it in the first place, she seemed to like him and when ever we spoke she said that she hoped we ended up gettin married etc... but thats no different to my old collegues DP's - especially the all day one, she hadnt met him at all and it was a short relationship....

@HundredMilesAnHour i agree it seems that way now

@KC225 @RollaBowlaBall @Juells, i didnt delete anything - i left the camera there and just left it as i was going home due to being tiered after working all day!!!

@Lost5stone @3luckystars this is my thoughts unfortunately

@Lweji haha well i wouldnt even know where to start with all day prices, she did feed me and i drank wine at the table! i think this was my payment ... she has the footage.

@Snowymountainsalways honestly there isnt a good reason is there, truth is she used me even if she didnt know it herself... more i think about it the more obvious it is. All other DP's were invited, no matter how short the relationship and how close she was to that particular person .. i wouldnt delete the video dont worry i left it there.

OP posts:

Hogtini · 11/10/2018 14:46

She's clearly seen you as her little wedding gopher and not the lovely friend you are. Give her the video and don't bother with her again.

Ginburee · 11/10/2018 14:46

You sound like a lovely friend and she was taking the piss. I hope you have not spent hours working on the video. She is really cheeky. When she contacts you again just give her what she wants and back off, real friends don't treat you like that. x

WhichSchoolForDS · 11/10/2018 14:47

Normally I say that adults can manage a wedding without their partner (assuming your friend wasn't close with your OH he doesn't need to be there) BUT given all you did to help her out she's a cheeky mare! YADNBU.

Lweji · 11/10/2018 14:49

Did you give her a present? Or did she consider the hair and video her wedding gift?

Hunlife · 11/10/2018 14:49

And I'd text her "Glad you enjoyed your honeymoon. You gave me no notice about the video camera so I had no time to practice, seems I forgot to press record! Silly me! Oh well you were a complete cow on the day so sorry not sorry"

This would be the perfect end to the Cheeky Fuckery.

Original poster

LJFM2B · 11/10/2018 14:51

@Dvg think thats my plan, if she asks me why i havent been in contact i MIGHT be bothered to respond and tell her exactly why and the fact i didnt want to be friends with somebody like that but until then im cutting the drama and see if it happens...i cant delete anything as i left the camera there but as somebody else suggested, now when she watches it she will be reminded of me :)

@MinnieRabbit im honestly not upset about me doing her hair or meal .. as you said that was my choice and i honestly wouldnt be worried about the video after i got over the "oh wow shes asked me" shock ... its all that along with the DP not being invited and the others were. Out of the 8 girls she had only met 3 of the partners (one of them being mine) ... and the other day guest she hadnt met at all who was invited .... and no on the cross wires regarding offer of camera job - we had a conversation and joked around about her granddad doing some videoing and not pressing the button etc. I went through all this in my head on the wedding day ... i stayed pretty much soba because i felt like i couldn't drink because of my jobs so nothing was misconstrued

OP posts:

letsgetreadytosamba · 11/10/2018 14:51

Invoice her

Givemeabreakt · 11/10/2018 14:52

Op you sound so lovely. Can’t believe the cheek of some people. I would send the video but have nothing to do with her after that.

Sitranced · 11/10/2018 14:54

Don't delete the video. Send her an invoice.

itbemay · 11/10/2018 14:54

did she mention you in the speeches and buy you a little gift?! she sounds like a terrible CF i really would cut all ties, if she asks why you're quiet i would tell her the truth, it may make her think...

You sound lovely OP

Absla · 11/10/2018 14:56

Ohhh what a little cow bag.

I’ve found if you have a pure heart some fucker will use it and abuse it till the purness is shattered.

Not everyone’s a cow, she sounds self centred, and knows that your a very good friend who will do anything for her which isn’t a bad thing. So unfair.

For me, you deserve someone who would do for you, what you would do for them. A reciprocated friendship.

Anyone who can not be a ‘good’ friend is not worth your friendship.

Do not give your energy to leaches - they suck the life out of you.

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