OH not being invited after all i done and other colleagues OH was

[LJFM2B]

Long post alert ... i worked with who i thought was a friend for 5 years, we were close as worked side by side the whole time, went out after work and celebrated birthdays etc. After i left the company we stayed in touch and would meet up every 6 weeks or so. When she got engaged I was so excited for her, to celebrate i took her out for dinner and wanted to know the ins and outs of plans etc ... They had managed to get there dream venue for 9 months time!!

Im a bridal hair stylist and so said i would do her hair for free, including trials ... I helped with plans as much as possible with plans and ID's and even purchasing little bits she needed etc ... she lives 40 minutes from me - i went and done a hair trial for her, and her 2 bridemaids, while i was there she mentioned she wanted a videographer but couldn't afford it ... i said she should get a video camera and ask somebody to film it for her, or maybe a few people to get clips through out the day which she was excited about.
She gave me an all day invite while i was there and it only had my name on it not DP which i thought "fair enough shes cutting back, they have only given themselves 9 months" (i had just moved in with DP at this stage) and she told me another colleague was going to be there all day so i would know someone (didnt worry me but great)

Anyway time flys and wedding day comes, no mention of my DP being invited for the evening (not a free bar) .. the venue was 90 minutes from me, my DP kindly took me to the venue as he wanted the car for the day and agreed to pick me up ... i was a bit sad that he wasn't going to be there at all but i had a job to do a friend to watch get married so off i went... done the brides hair, 2 bridesmaids, and her mum and quickly got myself ready in the toilet to be apart of the day and when i said "im off, good luck you look amazing" she said "oh before you go" and reached down into a box and pulled out a video camera and said "i got the camera can you video everything for me, iv told the celebrant that youll be down the front with us etc" ... I was in shock a bit, i had been there since 7am to get them ready i really thought my duties were done as a friend BUT of course its her wedding day so i took the camera and done the best job i could do - filming aisle shots, vows, first kiss and went on to film little messages from her friends and family during the cocktail hour so she could watch it back (took my job seriously)

Evening meal comes and i take my seat and sat next to my old colleague who i had hardly seen and she asked "wheres DP" i explained he wasnt invited to which she replied "no way, bride invited my DP and weve only been seeing each other 4 months, the only reason his not here is because his its his brothers stag" .... i had to stop myself from welling up to be honest ... might seem dramatic but i really felt used. Me and DP had been together for just over 18 months at this point and we lived together.

Evening came along with old colleagues that poored in as evening guests along WITH there DP's. When the first dance and cake cutting was announced the bride made a B line for me and said "aw can you make sure you get these and a little bit of people dancing and then that should be it" .... i acted completely normal as i wouldnt have wanted to put a downer on her day and i done as she asked, i even spent 20 minutes after the first dance trying to enjoy myself but i then text DP and asked him to leave when he could ... it was a 90 minute journey so i didnt have to shoot off straight away and spent the rest of my time chatting to old colleagues about life!! who all asked where DP was - it was embarrassing ... I told bride i was off because i was so tiered, and she then said "why dont DP pop in for a bit?" .. this actually made me livid ... but again held my tongue i said "his in scruffy clothes, he didnt know he was going to get asked in, if you said earlier on he would of got ready" ... making the point he wasnt invited, ... she shrugged it off a bit tipsy by then and we said our byes

She text me 2 weeks after the wedding (they went on honeymoon the day after) .. in the text it said how amazing mexico was and she loved her hair and was looking forward to watching the video...

i wrote out a long reply and then deleted it - I then didnt reply and havent spoken to her since!

AIBU?

@Hogtini @Ginburee I literelly just took the footage on the day and left the camera there - so she has everything she needs! im not planning on speaking to her

@WhichSchoolForDS i agree and honestly wasnt bothered about him not being there ESPECIALLY as was told the other colleague who was a day guest was going to be alone ... but imagine if her BF wasnt at his brother stag - i would have been 3rd wheeling on top of all that!

@Lweji i didnt know i would be videoing so i didnt include that in my gift ... i got them a personalised letter stand with there wedding date ... and thought i was doing the hair so didnt spend a fortune but still

"Invoice her"

For what?

Stuff Op offered to do?

Not being able to tell her she wouldn't video?

As if Op would get paid anyway!

Hmm she does sound a bit CF and used you. But is it worth throwing a friendship away over?

^Er yes it really is. Real friends don’t use people

Sounds like she wanted you to work it. Sorry this happened to you. I would probably cool off witb her for a bit.

You sound lovely OP.

I would just ignore her from now and accept that it isn’t the friendship you wanted or expected from her.

Yanbu.

You've been CF'd.

She only wanted you for the free hairdos and video making.

I hope she reads this and recognises herself. Selfish madam.

You did a very generous thing for someone you thought was a close friend, she was looking at it from a different perspective.

Cut contact but if she asks why, definitely send her this thread. Your op is very clear and articulate. She and her mother should die in shame.

Thanks for everyone saying im lovely – little ego boost for me haha – I honestly love all things wedding so im not surprised she choose me .. and once said I had done 10x more than her bridesmaids….

Sorry im trying to keep up with replies – didn’t think it would raise such a reaction but kind of glad im not going mad
@itbemay nope again wasn’t sure if I was being a bit self indulgent by thinking maybe a mention in the speech … her DH did say her hair, make up and dress looked lovely but didn’t name names of who helped etc.

@Absla yep thinking the same, Im 28 and I only have time for good friends!

@diddl iv assumed the invoice posts are a little jokey and don’t worry I wont be doing that I know what I signed myself up to in regards to hair and would get over the video thing its more the DPs of other colegues that is the issue

@SpottingTheZebras @EK36 yep this is the plan … not worth it really is it!! Just putting the situation out there to get some feedback from outsiders 

Thanks for all your replys

@Failingat40 rather than replying to a message if she does bother to text to ask why im ignoring her i could send her the thread yes! good idea!

The op offered these services as a friend.
Imo the cf threw that friendship away, therefore it became a business arrangement after that =invoice.

Fuck that! What a cow!

I wouldn't have agreed to do the video anyway, but given how rude she was, I would just delete it. Then block her. She is not your friend she is a user.

You sound amazing - will you be my friend? Don't change who you are - you sound lovely. Life is short. Just focus on the people around you who deserve to have someone as nice as you in their life. Ditch this friend - send her the video to edit herself.

I think sadly you will have to chalk it up to experience. I would give her the video, send a text explaining exactly why you are upset, and then cut contact with her.
Friends don't do that to friends, so she's not you friend.

@ittakes2 haha sure, looks like i have a vacancy going!! ... i dont plan to change who i am, maybe be a little more careful who i bend over backwards for, although i had no reason to believe i was doing anything too much as she was my friend in my eyes. But focusing on true friends who do anything for me as i would for them ..

@happypoobum i didnt agree to doing the video as such, i was given the camera around 10 minutes before she was due to walk down the aisle ... she was literally in her wedding dress so i was a little bit stuck there. PLUS at this point although was shocked, i did think nothing of the DP not being invited as thought all other DPs werent invited either.

@happypoobum @ittakes2 luckily i didnt take the video to edit so its with her unedited anyway.

The thing is because you took all the footage you aren’t on the video. I see this as an indication of how much she values the friensship, which sadly is not at all. You sound lovely and very generous. Please learn to only give as much as you receive. I don’t mean exactly like for like as there are many other ways to get something out of what you give.

If you videoed the wedding you wouldn't have been in the video either so she has omitted you from her happiest day forever. Time to omit her from your life too.

@Mummyoflittledragon not because she asked but i did make a message myself while i was doing this for other guests ... so i will be in it a bit (but if she gets this edited i will no doubt be taken out when she realises iv cut her off) ... I dont want to change who i am but i will be more cautious and go into things with wide eyes in future :)

How rude of her - seems like the more you offered, the more she saw you as "staff" rather than a friend. :(
And one doesn't invite one's staff's family to parties, you know.

Similar happened to me once - I worked in a small company, and also sang in a function band. One girl who I got on well with was getting married, and she booked our band for the evening do. No problem so far - but then she invited nearly everyone else in the company to her full wedding, but I didn't get an invitation at all because I was going to be there for the evening do, singing! I felt a bit aggrieved about that - I could easily have gone to the wedding itself, and the meal, and then changed for the "job" part of it - but I wasn't good enough, and yes, I felt like "staff". :(

You are so sweet. I would love to be your friend. :). I would either ignore her or just write a message to say that this "friendship" is not going to work and state the reasons. Really bitchy behaviour. I dont think she even realises what she has done, nor would she care i imagine.
but you are amazing. And i wish you all the best in life.

OP, to an extent I agree with diddl. The bride behaved in an appalling, grabby way, undeniably, but it seemed to me that you allowed yourself to be shuffled into 'hired staff' mode from the beginning of the wedding plans by buying her things, and helping her plan and generally doing things that someone in the wedding party, a close friend/bridesmaid, or a hired wedding planner should have been doing.

When she produced the camera, that was your moment to say politely that you'd already made your contribution to the day by doing four people's hair and were planning to be on guest mode from now on, OR, if you were feeling very generous, agree to film for a short period at the reception, but make it plain that it was the bride/bridesmaids'/best man's responsibility to marshall other guests to contribute. But no, you sound as if you spent the entire wedding day bustling around 'doing your job', as though you were a waitress paid by the venue. Again, at the meal, you had a chance to pass on the filming to someone else but you meekly took instructions from the bride. Didn't it ever occur to you to hand the camera to the best man or bridesmaids and say it was someone else's turn?

I think your DP being left out is a bit of a red herring. Even if he had been there, you'd barely have seen him because you were essentially unpaid staff. Don't let your good nature be played upon again like this. And ask yourself why you put up with it this time.

Try telling her how you feel and see how she responds

Ouch you sound more like staff than a guest! I think I would have to say something..

so much so that I wonder if it was just an oversight?

If that was the case the bride wouldn't have suggested OP's DP "pop in for a bit".
The bride has no shame.

I agree she didn’t want your partner there because she didn’t want you to be distracted from doing stuff for her.

She is a complete CF and not worthy of your friendship but at least you have the comfort of knowing that you’re a generous, caring friend even if she isn’t.

Please don't change OP. You have been a real friend and you deserve better. Just drop her, move on and don't be bitter. Your DP sounds lovely, he is definitely a keeper.

This seems very odd behaviour op. Especially since she's invited everyone else's dp.

Could she have met your partner before, could he have been a ex of hers or something?