Social services taking babies away...

[lookattheshorts]

From mother's with previous mental health issues? Is this true?

Lots of my friends and family seem to be sharing the same story, the one of Kerry Blackaller. Has anyone else heard of her story?

I'll do my best to link the appropriate sources.

www.change.org/p/kerry-blackaller-help-get-lyla-blu-home-where-she-belongs-to-her-heart-broken-mommy-kerry/u/23400921

Are people being unreasonable to say social services do sometimes take children away when it isn't actually the right thing?

In my experience, though I'm clearly someone who would understand them and have those advantages, they still did not use 'lots of long words' or scary suggestions. The forms were worded very simply, and most of it was based on conversation, observation & looking at our environment. Which was hardly tidy- unhelpful OH, a toddler & a MH condition do not a show home make- but obviously had everything she needed, colouring books, toys, comfy cot, budget but sufficient food. Not really fresh fruit other than some bananas but plenty in tins & frozen, big packs of mince, value rice etc.

It's possible for a broke mental teen mum to do a good job :') and social services were at the end of the day encouraging, because there are plenty of families who have more advantages than us and still do a worse job.

It's not being judgmental to talk about failure to engage because if she really wanted to, she could have done so. If you really loved and cared about your child and social services said you weren't doing a good job and could lose her.... Wouldn't your response be, 'please help me look after her better, I want her to grow up happy and healthy with me'?

Because speaking as a broke mental teen mum, that was my response, even when they said I was doing just fine.

The point is being made that for some it's easier to engage with social services and not assume you have to fight them because you hear lots of long words and scary suggestions that you don't understand and don't know how to obtain support and advice in the same situations as those who've been blessed to access more education and more money maybe they have no business having children.

I think @Rixera it depends what you find long words or scary suggestions

I know people who a call from social services automatically translates in their head to "they're gonna take the kids off me" it's really sad as they jump to being against SS and in my experience I've known a few do utterly stupid things in response which make it far more difficult

My response too was to work with social services and engage - if they said jump I would show them I was already jumping higher than they asked

But I've also lived in the care system, I know people who have reacted very differently and I feel that if they were a little more blessed with their education or finances - they may have understood things differently.

As for @MaxDArnold go away back to your bridge

@partyanime that's what I thought too! But what I thought was, 'if they take her off me because I'm doing a shit job, at least someone else will might raise her better, someone would def adopt her she's little and cute'. Which is kind of tragic in of itself but I just loved her so much and wanted her to be happy no matter what.

And I swear it didn't just seem simple because I'm well read. Questions were literally things like, 'what do you usually give her to eat', 'what do you usually do to play with her', 'do you have a partner/ is he her dad/ do you get on well'.

I know background is important but I think social services do everything they can and deserve credit for it, they were so kind to us.

Yes, it is fair to accuse a parent of failure to engage. Although I empathised with the birth mum's predicament, and felt that a lot of things could have been done differently, she and her DP at the end of the day did fail to engage, tried to hide the fact that she was pregnant, thus putting their DC at considerable risk.

It's possible to empathise without concluding that it was the wrong decision to remove the DC.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/oct/12/secrecy-babies-taken-care-newborns-england-transparency

SS don't just remove children on their own say-so. There will have been a meeting of all concerned, such as SS, school, NHS, police, drugs worker, etc, before a decision is made. That decision is then taken to the judicial service to get a warrant to remove the child/children. There will then begin a long process of working with the family to improve circumstances unless it gets to a situation where the court agrees to remove parental rights and make an adoption order.

I've seen women who are determined to get their children back manage this, by such things as throwing out abusive partners, getting help with their drug problems and getting their lives stable, learning how to manage their lives, and so on. Everyone is delighted when this happens.

There was a problem a few years ago involving counties getting monetary incentives for social services placing babies with adoptive parents. I do think that was bound to have caused some corruption.

However I've never seen a case of social services forcibly removing and putting a child up for adoption where the parents were mentally balanced, upstanding citizens, who fully complied with social services earlier interventions that were meant to keep the family together. More often when mental illness was a factor the parents have tried to cover it up, not accepted help for it, not taken medications or other forms of help for their mental health problems.

I've unfortunately seen a lot of these cases.

There was a problem a few years ago involving counties getting monetary incentives for social services placing babies with adoptive parents

That's not what happened. There were targets to get children available for adoption placed with adopters but only a very stupid person would think that translated into monetary bonuses for adopting children. It costs an absolute fortune to get a child into the care system; to imagine that the local authority would spend that much money in order to receive a cash bonus is just insane logic.

There’s an Instagram page called Lylablu16 where Kerry explains more about why she was removed from her care.

In a nutshell she had mental health problems long before she fell pregnant. During her pregnancy she was told she was at risk of having her baby removed at birth if she didn’t engage with mental health services... and she refused to engage with mental health services because it “stressed her out”. So her baby was removed from her. When her daughter was a few months old she was given the chance to get her back by attending 4 sessions a week and she refused saying she had too much other stuff to do.

I’m just relaying the facts from the horses moth.

*mouth

Those social media pages are very validating and completely reinforce her view that she's a good mum who should get her baby back. They are also a huge source of drama and attention (interspersed with some sexy selfies, demonstrating a very immature understanding of how she appears to others) for someone who probably needs a lot of it.
Sadly Lyla-Blu will Be meeting Kerry's needs far more by being the subject of this huge social media campaign than she would be quietly parenting her out of the spotlight.

I have first hand insight into this topic. I've posted on MN about it a few times and always feel compelled to comment when I see threads like this.

My first born was removed at birth and adopted. I was 18 with no family support and in a violent relationship with a cruel man who pulled me into a very chaotic lifestyle. I left him but he remained a big problem in my life, I couldn't safeguard myself let alone a baby.

For a long time after my babies adoption I was one of these mums screaming from the rooftops about forced adoption and that social services had done me wrong and not supported me. I stood by that for a long time.

With age came insight and I grew to realise that although they hadn't supported me and weren't particularly holistic in the way they treat me or handled certain aspects of the case, they supported the person who mattered the most, my baby, and ultimately they were right to do what they did.

It was in my babies best interest to be adopted and have permanency early on, as opposed to being shuffled around care homes until I was able to make the changes necessary to care for him. (it took me five years in total to rebuild my life)

It was very easy for me to blame social services and focus on all of the things they said or did wrong, because it was easier to do that than admit the fact I wasn't, in those circumstances, suitable to look after my child. Nobody wants to admit they aren't good enough to be a mum and it's a bitter pill to swallow.

My life is entirely different now. I'm safe and happy and I've gone on to become a mum to a wonderful DS and I'm pregnant again. Social services assessed me and have no concerns, they are no longer involved in my life.

That said, I do believe there is more often than not more to the story than the parents will let on. I've been guilty of minimising in the past, telling people around me how appalling social services were to me and not giving the whole picture. I do suspect that is what that lady is doing, although it is heartbreaking to read her writings and it's clear she adores her little girl.

I've had a look at her Facebook and it seems her daughter was in her care for a period of time after being born, that would suggest social services had concerns with her parenting as opposed to historical mental health, the fact the little girl stayed with her after birth means SS were not hugely concerned about her past MH problems.

Another comment that stood out to me was the one on her justgiving page "I was told not to have children for at least ten years"

Obviously I don't know the story but what I've taken from it was she had a child(ren) who were taken into care, warned not to have another for a substantial period of time, went on to conceive her little girl and was then given a second chance to prove herself, but new concerns were raised about her ability to look after her daughter? Perhaps I'm wrong though?

I do feel for her massively as I know exactly how much it hurts, and I truly hope she finds peace.

Social services can make mistakes as nobody is infallible but in cases like this there is almost always more to the story than the parents are letting on having been there myself can say that with certainty.

*Sometimes, SS get it right. Other times they make the wrong call.

Social services do not make ‘the call’ to remove children. Judges do.

Brave post, @mysecondwind. I hope those who are blindly supporting this poor woman read it and learn.

Mysecond

IME, that is often key to later children being left with birth parents... acknowledgement of the issues and positive, demonstrable action to remedy them.

Sorry to drag all this up again but I've just seen.. this girl has now had her second baby removed from her? Don't get me wrong I'm not looking to put her down at all but I followed her loads from before they removed her daughter (lyla) and I looked into the forced adoption law in the UK etc because I couldn't stop thinking of this woman having lost her little girl. It broke my heart!! I've a daughter close in age so it really hit home! Now I've just seen her second daughter is in care! Surely to god SS didn't get it wrong twice! It's so sad really!!

I don't know OP. I'm sure it is a last resort as many people have their DC while treating them like crap.
Then again after watching panorama investigates UK SS it is terrifying how you can lose your DC.

Surely to god SS didn't get it wrong twice! It's so sad really!!
They are involved immediately in 2nd pregnancies.