Social services taking babies away...

[lookattheshorts]

From mother's with previous mental health issues? Is this true?

Lots of my friends and family seem to be sharing the same story, the one of Kerry Blackaller. Has anyone else heard of her story?

I'll do my best to link the appropriate sources.

www.change.org/p/kerry-blackaller-help-get-lyla-blu-home-where-she-belongs-to-her-heart-broken-mommy-kerry/u/23400921

Are people being unreasonable to say social services do sometimes take children away when it isn't actually the right thing?

My ex rented a room from a couple who had a 6 year old daughter. One night I was talking to him on the phone when I heard the front door bell ring. He put his mobile in his pocket whilst he went to the door, and I thought he was talking to the mum, and that she was drunk. I heard him tell her he would take her to her bed. When they got there he said "Where are your blankets?..Never mind, I'll put this coat over you". When he came back down, he said the mum had been brought home completely out of it on drink and drugs having been in a fight in the town. It was nearly midnight, she had her little girl with her, and it was the child he had put to bed. He said her bed had a filthy mattress, and no bedding. The family were known to social services, the house was really squalid. They'd taken my ex in as an illegal tenant, having met him in the pub, and not knowing whether their little girl would be safe with him (Lucky for them she was). In the past the police had brought the child home when the mother had been arrested, and had contacted social services, and the poor little girl was still not taken away.

I've seen campaigns by articulate intelligent parents, usually it is ss have it in for them because they are all thick and intimidated by their intelligence.

Are people being unreasonable to say social services do sometimes take children away when it isn't actually the right thing?

The thing is you’ll only hear one side of the case because the courts and social services can not put their side or any evidence across because of confidentiality (and quite rightly). I don’t doubt mistakes are made but the process is a long one involving different agencies who have to supply evidence to back their claims. And it’s all precided over by a judge.

FYI I have a long history of poor mental health and although social care have been involved (on other matters) I’ve always been reassured my children would remain with me. And they have.

I was in care 20+ years ago and the bar was stupidly low then. It terrifies me how much lower it's got in those years.

It's the kids you should feel for.

I've seen campaigns by articulate intelligent parents, usually it is ss have it in for them because they are all thick and intimidated by their intelligence.

If you actually believe this then you are really, really thick.

The bar isn’t low nowadays, in fact some kids are put into danger because they aren’t taken away when they should be.

I've googled and can't find a more non bias report

Why might that be, do you think?

In my Safeguarding role a child would almost need to be hanging from the rafters or starved to the point of malnutrition before SS get involved. Sure we all sit in the meetings and we escalate but some of them just don't want to know. Those that do are often stopped by THEIR managers. Some cases break your heart.

However, if all the children I truly believe should be removed from the most terrible households were taken there would be absolutely no capacity to take them all. It's a lottery.

Tomorrowillbeachicken

That's what I meant. The bar for taking vulnerable children away is far too low. It was low 20+ years ago and it's lower now.

So many children are left in utterly shit and dangerous situations.

One thing jumps out here, the mother loves her daughter.

When I was new to CP I remember very clearly a more experienced person saying that almost everybody loves their child but this does not equate to safe parenting.

It’s worth remembering that. Very few parents set out to deliberately harm their child but it happens anyway.

One thing jumps out here, the mother loves her daughter.
That's all good in theory, but not true ime.

I, and others I was in care with had been beaten, sexually abused and electrocuted (finger put in live broken plug sockets) and left with bio parents. We should have been taken far earlier. None of us were.

My own biological mother did a story in the local paper about how much she loved and cared for me. Bullshit. She let her husband abuse (in every way) me and my siblings. She's still with him now 25 years later. Sick fucks.

and yes she knew. Was actually warned by his sister, they fell out, unsurprisingly, over it.

Kelly you've missed the point.
Almost all parents love their children. That's why social work is so hard and nuanced. I've never come across a parent myself who didn't love their child in one way or another. That doesn't mean they don't cause them irreparable harm.

Some parents don't love their children. I'm sorry about what happened to you.

In my experience SS will always try and keep the child with the mother, even looking at parenting courses and helping where they can. They will only ever remove a child as a last resort where there’s a safeguarding issue. I’m afraid I don’t take much notice of these ‘SS took my babies away’ type stories, there’s always more to it...

It takes a lot of time and effort to remove a child, including different bodies, courts, judges, social services, social workers. It’s not just one persons decision. It has to be backed up with evidence.

NotANotMan

Almost all parents say they love their children.

That's why social work is so hard and nuanced.

I know. It's so hard. I know many of the staff who worked at the home I was in (which was brilliant and 100% saved my life btw) have left SS because of the sheer amount of red tape and they burn out because they can't bare to see kids like that any more.
I'm still in touch with a lot of the staff from back then and it a crying shame.

*Bear - Sorry damn autocorrect.

Tricky one I would say....
I know one mother who constantly had ss there, always given chance after chance for at least 10 yrs. she has had her 2 youngest children now adopted but her 2 oldest are teenagers and now 'naughty' kids, one had a baby at 15, other is always 'in with the wrong crowd' etc.
So I feel ss have done what's best for the babies but completely failed the older 2 children by not intervening earlier.
However, on the other hand I am currently dealing with something myself involving adult social services, a vulnerable family member and another family member and they are not listening to a word we are saying!
Vulnerable family member has mental health problems (likely dementia) and other family member is manipulating him in to saying all sorts about us (his only actual caring relatives) and social services won't listen to us or believe a word we are saying!
Unfortunately for us SS weren't involved before allegations were made and the allegation has come completely out of the blue for absolutely no reason but I guess seeing it from their side it's hard to believe there isn't some sort of back story so they are taking everything that's said by family members as gospel and we are being made out bad guys!

I do think SS make errors of judgement more frequently than admitted and I do think children are sometimes removed from mothers who could have coped with support.

But I am not really a fan of forced adoption other than in very extreme circumstances.

I think SS making errors are the exception rather than the norm.

Whats extreme to you?

The things I have seen and heard about of children left with parents would give average/normal prople nightmares for years.

*people

OP I agree with you. If this was a mother with a physical disability who had her baby removed because it was decided disabled people can't care for children there would be more sympathy here. Because it's a mental health disability rather than physical it's "oooh but she is mental so they must have had their reasons". I too have direct experience of underqualified doctors who do not specialise in mental health care trying to bully me while pregnant. It's not uncommon so i've no reason to not believe the same prejudices aren't present in social services too.

Speaking from personal experience. I know a lady who lost her first child to social services because of MH. Her second is about a month old and with her.

Prove you can take appropriate care of your child and it shouldn’t be a problem.

Speak with healthcare professionals. See what support you can have

From mother's with previous mental health issues

I had a massive breakdown after dc1's birth and ended up being diagnosed with PTSD (from something which happened years before but that I hadn't dealt with), PnD and Postpartum psychosis when he was a couple of weeks old. I tried to give him up because once they had convinced me he was a baby, I still couldn't accept he was my baby and thought he would be better off with someone else.

The social worker I spoke to gave me a cuddle, double checked I had been referred to speak to a psychiatrist and told me "not to be so silly".

I've since had a second child, I'm still having psychotherapy and definitely had some bumps in the road but no one other than me has ever questioned my parenting or referred me to social services.

I'd say she's missing out one or two facts.

Miscarriages of Justice happens in any field - yes, it happens occasionally but no one is interested in the story where social services get involved, decide everything is fine and leave the mother to it...that happens probably 1000 times more often but you'll never her about it.

A mother separated from her child is going to make sure everyone knows, it's the only thing to do. Thus the minority seems like a majority.

If it reassures you any, the Childrens Act forces social workers to consider a family placement if at all possible and even for that they have to make a really strong case that could stand up in court. Putting them up for adoption would take a lot of effort. If someone works against social services though (and it'd be really hard not to) it does make this more likely unfortunately.