To think he might be sexist/misogynistic?

[MissBanner]

I’m beginning to think a guy I have been seeing might be a bit sexist/misogynistic. A few examples:

1. He showed me a picture of a girl his friend had tried to set him up with. She was quite dolled up and wearing a low-cut, tight dress - obviously about to go out for the night. He said, “She doesn’t look my type - don’t know where she’s been”.

1. Said his ex-wife felt left out of his life because he was so devoted to his job and said “I think it would have been better if we had had a child as she would have had something to do”. (She also had a job )

1. Says he doesn’t like women swearing.

1. Said when he divorced it was hard living on his own as he’d never had to do any cleaning or cooking or anything.

What do you think? Am I being over-sensitive or are these red flags?

@Areyoufree I’m ashamed to say I haven’t ever pulled him up on any of it. I think in the moment I am too busy trying to impress him to really think about what he says. It’s afterwards that I stop and think “hold on...” . But I think he would get very defensive if I did pull him up on anything he said. He quite often jumps down my throat as it is, even when I’m not saying anything about him!

Is this a joke?
You are already accepting this behaviour and despite every responder telling you to run for the hills, you are still pondering the situation.
I think you are going to continue as so many before you do by creating some misguided fantasy in your head of what you feel could be.
Sorry if you feel it’s harsh OP but it’s the truth.
You need to be sure of your own personal boundaries and deal breakers and see facts for what they actually are.
I hope you don’t get too hurt.

What are your plans regarding this man?

Why are you trying to impress him?

He should be trying to impress you too, at the very least, not jumping on your throat for nothing.

Don't run.

RUN!!!

He quite often jumps down my throat as it is, even when I’m not saying anything about him!

You say that like it's cute.

He quite often jumps down my throat

Uh oh

@MissBanner I think you kind of have your answer there, then. Even without all of the other stuff, the fact that he is so defensive doesn't sound good. You say you are busy trying to impress him, but it doesn't sound like he is trying to impress you.

No I don’t think it’s cute, it upsets me.

Massive red flags, plus he has a go at you if you say anything even if it’s not about him...get out now before you waste any more time! He’s only gonna cause you grief. You can do a helluva lot better than that.

Why are you with someone that upsets you?

The early days should be all about fun, flirting, and showing your best side to the other person. He's already upsetting you, it will only get worse. Why do you think you need to impress him but he doesn't need to impress you?

Run away, run away. You owe him nothing. Not even an explanation, "a chance" or an apology.

Surprised you need to ask.

I don’t think there is unreasonable when it comes to our own sensibilities. Women have trouble standing by their own opinions.
If it didn’t sit right with me that someone was the perfect gent I’m well within my rights to stop seeing him, even if all other women would see him as a catch.
If it doesn’t feel right it’s not right for you.

Hope you meet someone you really like .

🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️

Wait, what? Why are you trying to impress him? What do you mean he jumps down your throat?

@WasabiSpring Just as one example I went to his flat for the first time the other day and when I went in let the door close behind me - only I didn’t realise it was quite a heavy door and so it slammed shut quite noisily and he said quite crossly “I’ve got neighbours you know”.

It’s just silly things like that but it does wrong-foot me when he pounces on small things I do or say.

Imagine living with him!!!!

What a mardy sod. Not as though you banged the door on purpose!

It should be amazing this early on. It's not. Leave

I think in the moment I am too busy trying to impress him

MissBanner - you are coming at this all wrong.

What's he doing to impress you?

Ditch this loser, and then stop. And have a bit of a think about what you want/expect/need from a relationship (man) in the future.

Any man is categorically NOT better than no man. No man absolutely is better than a sub-standard man, believe me.

Next time you start dating someone - don't be doing some 'pick me' type dance, trying to impress him, and contorting yourself to accept shitty behaviour.

Know your worth and let him do some of the running.

Stop making excuses

Stop trying to impress someone who has women placed in a particular box and expects you to fit it.

Just dump him....now.

It isnt going to get any better.

Its going to get worse.

He will have you doing the housework cos its womens work, making him meals cos its womenswork. Dressing to please his idea of how a woman should dress. Talking when spoken to and nevet questioning him.

You cannot change him he doesnt want to change he is firm in his beliefs about where you are in the pecking order. RUN.

No I don’t think it’s cute, it upsets me.

So dump him. He isn't a compulsory element in life. He is a dick who shouldn't have had a second date with you. He should only be a funny story you tell your friends when you swap stories about worst dates ever.

Total wanksock. Get rid.

Swear at him for a bit that'll get shot of him.

I think if you need to ask, you already know - if you stay with him, be prepared for things to really shit because at the moment he's got all these weird opinions which he doesn't feel uncomfortable to voice and he is presumably on his best behaviour right now

If he was saying these things as a 40 year old in the 70s it would barely raise an eyebrow. But that was decades ago!

Swear at him for a bit that'll get shot of him.

Thank you that gave me a laugh! Urgh, I think you’re right. All these alarm bells are going off in my head but I’ve been ignoring them because I am so attracted to him. I wish my hormones would keep up with my brain...