To consider pausing TTC to avoid summer birthday?

[LegsOfGlass]

Currently TTC but considering pausing until January to avoid June/July/August. DH is really worried about academic disadvantage and less developed social skills and says there’s tons of research to back him up. I (as an August born who excelled academically 🎺🎺🎺) am not so worried.

WWYD? So far only trying for a couple of months and conceived in a just a few cycles previously.

August 28th here, with autism to boot. Over achieved academically, straight As, degree from a Top 5 university, now working my way up the career ladder in investment banking and running marathons. Bought a house alone by 26, able to keep it as a rental property whilst I buy a larger place with my fiance. So I wouldn’t particularly say it’s held me back! I always enjoy having a birthday in summer; great for parties as a kid and also for not being at work on my birthday as an adult!

I have one July born and 2 December babies, and yes I can say that I think being one of the youngest was a disadvantage in younger years for my eldest. In the early years of primary it was easy to see the difference between peers that were almost a year older, particularly emotionally.

Having said that once they get to high school age the difference disappears - I think the only disadvantage my DD might say were that she was the last out of her peer group to be allowed to drink in a pub and also worked the same job for less due to minimum wage for 18+ for 9 months!

Overall it has not held her back, she is currently at Uni studying Physics.

Due date for my eldest was end of August, he arrived earlier and for a long time I used to think if only I’d been able to hold on for a few more days until September, how much easier his life might have been as one of the oldest in his year.

But I don’t think that anymore. I really admire how he’s had to stretch himself. Academically he’s always been one of the brightest in his year, socially it’s been difficult at times but I think it’s been character building for him and will hold him in good stead. I know plenty of other July/August borns who have done well and plenty of Sept/Oct who’ve not done well. And vice versa. There’s no magic formula.

You never know what the future brings, let nature take its course as their are pros and cons on all sides. All the best whatever you decide.

I know the research suggests summer born children typically struggle more but obviously there are always exceptions.

My sister and I both excelled academically and are both summer born. In fact, she was born on 28th August and got 9 A* at GCSE. My brothers are both autumn born and neither are at all academic, although both have achieved huge success in their vocational careers.

In my experience from school days and as a teacher, I can think of summer born children who were exceptionally gifted, and oldest children in the year who were, well, not.

Of course it’s anecdotal but there’s so much more to a child’s success than just their birthday. Parental input, opportunities to learn, commitment and passion all come into it too. I wouldn’t try too hard to plan a particular season of birth

(And also I love having a summer birthday because I could always have barbecues and pool parties!)

I see parents on here stressing about this all the time (and occasionally shouting down people who are struggling with conception who offer a bit of perspective and a grip) and yet I have never known an adult who said that it had significantly impacted on their life in any way. The odd one crops up on these threads because people are asking, and it usually comes down to "had to wait longer to drink" as if 17 year olds don't always get their 18 year old friends to buy their alcopops anyway.

It is really not worth worrying about, but then I'm August born with straight As and A*s and a good degree, so what do I know.

Being a teacher I “planned” an October baby (the month of September was left just in case baby came early!) fell pregnant straight away, and baby was due in October. Due to complications, DC was born on the last possible day in August! I was DEVASTATED. I cried about it for two years.
We considered keeping DC back a year, which was a possibility in private education. But in the end we didn’t and all her teachers have said that had we kept them back, it would’ve been a huge mistake. Yes, they are a bit more emotionally immature, and take a while to catch up, but our DC is now doing really well. It didn’t take long either.
On the other hand, their friend, who is almost a year older (early September), and who everyone thought was incredibly bright (as they were the oldest) is now in the middle of the class academically.
I understand your worry, I had it for years until DC started school, but it’s a day by day journey.
You could take a year to fall pregnant, anything could happen. A baby is more important than a place in the school year. Good luck OP, wishing you all the best!

Research also shows babies born March-August are significantly less likely to suffer from schizophrenia (though this discrepancy is decreasing).
I'm sure there's plenty of other highly contradictory research suggesting some months are better to be born in than others. I'm not sure any of it worth considering much

I know I really shouldn't take this personally, but it really is a bit galling to read every week about how immature and thick I should have been in school when I plainly wasn't, and how unbelievable it is that I might actually be doing just fine as an adult.

Anyway, I didn't need to wait longer to drink legally. I waited 18 years like everyone else.

I do t believe any of those things about summerborn children. I just know there is no way in hell w child of mine it’s startung school at barely 4 years old. It’s madness to start school so young, in my opinion of course.

my dd was born in late December and while its good for school it was bad for sport because the ones she did goes by 'year of birth' so she was always at a big disadvantage there
swings and roundabouts

It's interesting reading what people say. Obviously so many subjective experiences which sway opinions. I was late August yet the tallest and most sporty of all the girls in all of my whole school years. Also I was quite academic and was no different in abilities or outcomes than any of the other girls if birth month was compared.
My eldest dd is the third oldest in her year yet she is one of the least mature and able (physically) in her class. These facts don't change the averages and obvious reality of being the youngest in a school year group. However, it's not a certainty that it will be an issue and like has already been pointed out, when your dc reach school age if you felt they were a very young August child then you are able to hold off. If you want a sporty child and they struggle then practice more. If they're emotionally immature then that can be something you work on with them as you'll probably have to do at some point anyway.

I'd not wait, it would cross my mind because it's something that is discussed a lot everywhere, but I'd conclude that any potential problems are reasonably straight forward to address and it's more important to be getting on with making the actual baby.

I don't think it matters. Children mature at different rates anyway. My DS is October-born and academically ahead but socially he is less mature than some of the kids in his class just because he is naturally more introverted.

When I think of the kids in his class who are summer borns, there are a couple who stand out as being a bit behind their peers but most of them are doing fine, especially now they are turning 7. In reception year it was more noticeable but that is only one year out of a long life at school. There is a lot of difference between a 5 year old and a 6 year old but that all evens out eventually.

We did this, ended up with 2 October babies. No regrets. Fell pregnant really quickly both times (1st within 2 months, second on our first 🍆 of the season, as it were). I definitely suffered with my social skills and maturity being a summer born, and husband is dyslexic and dyspraxic so wanted to give any kids the best possible chances. My husband has confidence issues with reading and writing, and being behind in age as well as ability would likely have set him on a different life path. Both pregnancies we had a little private celebration once the date ticked over to Sept 1st 😂 different things matter to different people, and that's ok.

Started trying for #1 in January
Conceived in February, November due date
Traumatic miscarriage in April
Started trying again as soon as pregnancy tests turned negative
Still not pregnant

I don't give a monkeys about due dates, I just want a live baby. I struggle to understand the attitude of "I want a baby, but not one born in June/July/August/December". Being able to conceive quickly once doesn't guarantee it'll happen quickly a second time.

I’m a teacher and a mum of a summer born boy. Am I worried? Absolutely not. He’s 14 months and a typical, happy, curious, sociable little monkey. Quite honestly, i worry about any child being put through the primary system. It’s shit. Yes I’ve taught summer born children who are a little behind but I’ve also taught a considerable number of autumn born who are the same. Little people all have their own quirks and develop at their own pace. If they’re not academic, so what?! Soooooo many other skills and qualities that I’d wish for in my child above that. Academic doesn’t make for happy or successful in life.

As for putting off TTC because of it, just be careful. Sadly, as so many people on here know, it happens when it happens and it’s a gift. The average time is 6 months. We’re trying for No 2 after a recent miscarriage and when it happens we’ll be ecstatic, not worrying about brains! Good luck but really dont over think this

@mouse14 Great post. And I agree with all you said. I’m sorry to read you suffered a recent loss.
Good luck!

and it usually comes down to "had to wait longer to drink" as if 17 year olds don't always get their 18 year old friends to buy their alcopops anyway.

Unfortunately 17 year olds don't get into pubs and clubs and have a drink with their 18 year old friends because they have no ID. DS1 has never drunk alcopops, I am not sure that's a thing any more.

DS had to wait until July to get a P/T job at 16 and then was one of the last in his group to learn to drive the next year.

He's 19 now so it's all levelled out anyway. I was a bit sad for him at the time though.

My summer end of July baby is now 6 and top of his class in Maths, good in English plus the fastest runner in the class. He is also very social. (Sorry sounds like a right stealth boost)
My brother who was an even later summer born now has a high flying job that’s pays four times my other brother who was one of the oldest in his year earns and also me who was a slap bang in the middle baby

I have a late August birthday and had no trouble keeping up academically, straight As, Oxbridge degree, PhD. However I was always the smallest in the year, looked younger than my peers which made things harder for me socially, and was comparatively rubbish at sports - maybe I would always have been, but I definitely felt that being the youngest disadvantaged me in some ways. I wouldn't choose to have a DC born late summer myself.

Just to mention something that doesn't come up much on these threads . . . .September has the most births as a month and the second half of September has something like 8 of the 10 most popular birthdays in England and Wales, and the trend is growing. There were quite a few news stories last year about how overstretched maternity services were in September. It might be less stressful giving birth when the services aren't trying to cope with their busiest days of the year! I do wonder if the strength of the trend will start to affect future studies on birth month.

Personally I wouldn't worry too much about the effect of summer birthdays at the individual level, but if you're going to "go there" it's something else to think about.

I think it used to be an issue but now they all start school at one entry.

I am an August baby and I stared in the January intake of the school year. I remember it being hard as everyone knew each other and how school worked.

Unfortunately I was very shy and didn't want to say when I wasn't getting something. I do think this disadvantaged me, but I also think my parents were very hands off academically, but very protective. So social skills suffered too.

My DC is a July baby and is bright. I cannot image waiting until 5 for school they will be ready at 4 no issues.

The other bonus of my summer born babies is the saving of over 10k in nursery fees... from a purely selfish and financial perspective. Still would not swap my summer birthday for all this rain if you paid me.

As an early years teacher I saw how difficult it was for some of the July/August babies when they started school at just gone 4. So I did actively stop TTC to avoid a summer baby. It worked and I got pregnant with a due date at the end of the October. Perfect I thought, even if the baby was a little bit early it would still be an autumn born child.
Then as life often goes I developed pre eclampia and had my son at 28+5 on the 8th of August. So now even after careful planning I had a summer born boy who was also three months premature. Basically not good statistically for school success! He seemed so young when he started school nursery at just over three, was tiny and struggled with physical things like putting shoes on, pedalling a bike and holding a pencil. However, he's gone on to do very well in school academically and has just started high school.
It is definitely hard to be the youngest in the year and sometimes I think he has struggled socially. I do often wonder how he would have done if he'd come at the correct time and would now only be in Year 6 rather than Year 7. He will do his GCSEs at only 15 and A levels at 17. Would another year of maturing have made a difference, I'll never know. My younger son is a February birthday and I can see how much more ready he was when he started school.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is statistically it is better to have a autumn born child but there are many who do well who have summer birthdays and many who struggle with autumn birthdays. So plan if you feel you want to but remember life may have other ideas!! Good luck with whatever you decide!

We have a summer born, due in August but born mid-July. We're going to delay school a year - looking at the evidence we'd be mad not to.