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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider pausing TTC to avoid summer birthday?

104 replies

LegsOfGlass · 10/10/2018 20:04

Currently TTC but considering pausing until January to avoid June/July/August. DH is really worried about academic disadvantage and less developed social skills and says there’s tons of research to back him up. I (as an August born who excelled academically 🎺🎺🎺) am not so worried.

WWYD? So far only trying for a couple of months and conceived in a just a few cycles previously.

OP posts:
PartyintheKitchen · 10/10/2018 20:44

@Biber Flowers

OP I don't know, do it if you want. But ttc is a journey, who knows what will happen. I've had a stillbirth and 2 miscarriages in my journey to create a family. I am so thankful for my 2 living dc, I don't think I'd give a monkeys when in the year they were born.

I think those who have never had any issues with baby making think this way, I think, I wish we could all think that way to be honest. A friend of mine wanted an April baby and was frustrated when she didn't get pregnant in August, which I may add was her first month ttc. I didn't understand it, don't think I ever will.

Myshinynewname · 10/10/2018 20:44

I have one born in each term - they are all happy and none of them have struggled with their work. If anything my September born child gets a bit bored and probably would have been happier in the year above.
You can’t deny the statistics which show Summer babies do have a disadvantage overall but it hugely depends on the individual as well. I know Sept/Oct children who are very immature or struggle to meet expectations and Summer children who consistently exceed expectations and get on all the sports teams.
There is also the benefit of a summer baby of having almost a year less nursery fees to pay!

Pickupthephone · 10/10/2018 20:48

The more have been a couple of threads on this recently.

All people on here can offer you is anecdata. The research is suggests a statistical disadvantage - it really is up to you to decide what you make of the research and act accordingly.

I’m in a similar position to you, except we’re TTC a first baby. Our decision has been to continue to try as normal throughout the next few months because there’s so little you can control when having a baby. If we wait, we might conceive immediately in January. Or we could end up in this same position in October next year. Or we could conceive a nice September/October baby, and then miscarry, or suffer a stillbirth, or have a sick baby, or the baby could come prematurely so that it’s born in the summer anyway (this happened to my parents!) and I suspect if any of that stuff happened we’d hate ourselves for being worried that the baby might (gasp) be born in summer.

So we figured this is one of those areas of life where you get the hand you’re dealt. That’s our personal conclusion - others may reach a totally different conclusion and that’s fine.

And fwiw, I love having a summer birthday Smile

HelloViroids · 10/10/2018 20:49

I was due in Dec, found I’d had a MMC at the 12 week scan. Have been waiting 3 months for the medical all clear due to complications - as soon as I get it I’m going to TTC and I don’t care if my baby is the oldest, youngest, born on my birthday, Christmas Day, New Years Eve...as long as I get to have one.

VenusClapTrap · 10/10/2018 20:57

I did the opposite and timed mine to be born in summer. They’ve had all their birthday parties outside in the garden, and with birthdays and Christmas six months (or so) apart, it spreads out the presents nicely.

I wouldn’t have wanted to do all that getting up in the night with a newborn in the depths of winter either.

Academically, neither of mine appear disadvantaged so far, and they were raring to start school.

Hoviscats · 10/10/2018 21:07

Theoretically I agree with your DH. My first DC is autumn born and I hoped that would be the case.

Second DC is an August baby and while I don't think that's ideal, after a horrible MMC all I wanted was to get pregnant again and quite frankly the month of conception/birth was off my list of priorities!

So tbh all I would say is there is zero you can do to guarantee anything and conception, pregnancy and even childbirth is such a huge lottery I would really not worry too much about potential birth month!

Good luck Flowers

BlueSkyBurningBright · 10/10/2018 21:12

My Ds was born in November, he was not planned.

When planning our second I wanted an autumn baby again. So with DD we planned to get pregnant in mid/late January to avoid a September due baby who came early. DD was born in mid October. I felt they both did better in the primary years by being autumn babies.

squishee · 10/10/2018 21:25

I was due to be a late July baby. Was born 3 months early.
I think you're overthinking this.

Mumberjack · 10/10/2018 21:30

I don’t get all of this pressure against summer babies. There has to be a cut off at some point in the school year.
Or, have a summer baby and move to Scotland so they’re amongst the older kids Grin

tor8181 · 10/10/2018 21:35

imy oldest was due 16th of august,he came 1st of sept(went weeks over and 4 days labour)

so went from should have being one of the youngest to oldest

my end of july baby took 4 years of Strongest fertility drugs so i waited that long in the end i didnt care

oldest started school at 5 and 2 days,youngest was 4 and a month

now they are home educated so it doesnt matter anyway

HerdofAntilop · 10/10/2018 21:46

My eldest of a summer born and we felt strongly that it would be in his best interests no start school at compulsory school age, not just after he'd turned 4. I feel like the year we spent fighting the local authority to get them to act according to school admissions law is a bit of a lost year - so incredibly stressful. My second was born in a date 18 days later so she automatically gets to go later without the hassle. If I'd known then what I know now, (and conception willing) I'd have aimed to avoid summer.

Nonomore2 · 10/10/2018 21:56

@Biber sobering to read your post. Im sorry to hear you lost your ‘baby’. Flowers

beincki · 10/10/2018 21:56

I've never even heard of this being a thing before! I've got a Dec birthday which I've always hated as it's right near Xmas & weather is always crap. Loved the fact I had a early summer baby, and hopefully will always have nice weather for parties/occasions are more spread out etc

PaintingOwls · 10/10/2018 21:58

I'm deliberately trying to have a summer baby, so...

FlowThroughIt · 10/10/2018 22:03

I think had I not been at a natural advantage of being very intelligent and had family very involved with educational activities outside of school that I would have been hurt more being a late summer baby. What I did lack though was maturity.

It didn't affect how we planned children though because we were extremely lucky to be able to have even one.

Since you previously conceived easily then I don't see the harm in postponing it til January. Smile

FlowThroughIt · 10/10/2018 22:06

Although avoiding summer babies does mean missing out on 2 fabulous astrology signs in my biased opinion. If you're into that kinda thing.

Original poster
LegsOfGlass · 10/10/2018 22:06

Gosh I’m so sorry to read of losses here. I’m really not trying to trivialise pregnancy and having a healthy baby.

I know anecdata is of no real use but lots of talking points. Thanks.

OP posts:
jelliebelly · 10/10/2018 22:13

I am a late July born - We did exactly this both times - we had a Late September and a January.My eldest September born ds (13) is very sporty and at this age it is definitely an advantage - the teen years are starting to see a difference in maturity too -I regret not going to university but at just turned 17 I simply wasn't mature enough - I didn't want the same for my children.

AfterSchoolWorry · 10/10/2018 22:16

Can't you just start the child at school a year later, at 5 instead of 4?

That's what I did, there's no big hurry to start school?

Kintan · 10/10/2018 22:24

How old are you OP?

entropynow · 11/10/2018 00:10

Born in late June here, have perfectly good social skills and I went to Cambridge from a state school.
Research tells you about trends, it's not a predictor of individual outcomes.

Smashtheglass18 · 11/10/2018 00:26

One of my DC is late July born - consistently top of his class across the board and one of the most mature (according to teacher). Also excels in sport. My winter born DC is less of an achiever academically, much less mature for his age and pretty awful at any team sport. If you have a healthy child, they work hard and you love and support them well they'll thrive whenever their birthday is! I'd don't like the competitive parenting element of planning their conception date.

Rainyshowers · 11/10/2018 00:40

I just had my second miscarriage. Life cannot always be so planned out. I would love a summer baby

alizarincrimson · 11/10/2018 01:13

We considered this, but decided that we really want to try now anyway. I have read the research and I don’t think it’s that big a deal. Plus of course it could take a while to conceive.

Bear in mind that September is the most popular month for births so the maternity wards will be busier! There’s always something...

MaryShelley1818 · 11/10/2018 07:48

There is no way I’d stop TTC for any reason. Lots of people suffer from unexplained secondary infertility so it’s not worth the risk imo. You either want a baby or you don’t.