Daughter always buying people online stuff, can I stop her?

[oliviertresfre]

My daughter is 20 and is only really sociable online. She stayed at home for uni and just plays games online my concern is she has been buying people points and skins and stuff in games. Some being as young as 14. I've told her I think it looks odd. She says she buys them for people her age to.

I hate that she's buying stuff for people that are probably just using her. She says that she's popular but I can probably guess the reason!!

I don't know if I can put a stop to t while she lives at home. Hate that she's buying them for children as well. Could bring all kinds of trouble and allegations to the house.

Does she have her own money or is it yours?

Does she have any RL friends? I would also be worried about this and wanting to encourage her to mix with people, make friends and boost her self esteem.

It's her own money but still I don't want her wasting it like that

YANBU to worry about an adult buying gifts for children like that. It's called grooming. Even if her intentions are good, it is a dangerous area to slip into because like you say, people can get the wrong idea.

If I saw someone buying my child gifts I would report it. Your daughter may see it as harmless but a parent will not.

She's an adult. She can do what she wants with her money.

You cannot stop her. Nor should you.

You can offer her advice. You should.

It is not illegal to buy gifts for under 18s. It is only illegal if it is done to advance a plan to sexually abuse the recipients of the gifts.

It is odd OP.

Ignore the people saying it isn't. If I found out my 14 year old was being bought stuff online...even virtual stuff, then I would definitely be making strides towards finding out who it was and what their intentions were.

Is your DD possibly depressed? Does she work?

It's her money. It's her own business.

Jimmy how does one distinguish between someone planning abuse in advance and someone who just "gets to that point" without a plan?

That happens though I am not saying it's what OP's DD is doing.

Does she have sn?...this sounds like something vulnerable adults do tbh.

Ajas From the kind of things they are saying to them online.

To prove grooming you'd need some evidence of sexual motivation. Messages, illicit meetings, etc. Absent those it's not grooming.

you should be proud you have a selfless daughter. i would think standing in the pub buying her friends a round of drinks would be similar and wouldnt bat an eyelid

I'm 24 and am sociable online. I have friends irl too... we meet up to play d&d, board games, and go to sci fi conventions. But I do have online gaming friends. I don't know what kind of games she plays, but my DH and I play D&D type games online (when we get spare time) and when you help build a storyline with people, go on missions with them, you do get as good an idea of what they're like as anyone you make friends with in person. I know people don't trust online friendships, but if you think about it, enough dodgy people have conned friends they know in the real world...

Anyway, it is more of a concern about her buying gifts for people. Have you asked her why she does it? It might be a reciprocal thing; their team is weak, their healer needs a boost, she pays for it. Next week, she's the one who needs armour or weaponry or whatever, said healer has her back. It wouldn't necessarily be wasting it because she obviously cares about these games and they make her happy. Is it any worse than spending money on getting her nails done etc?

I have to say I've never done it but it would be less worrying if that was the case. However... I would ask, carefully, about it because buying gifts can be grooming behaviour, or just insecurity and wanting people to like her, but both of those need addressing.

I disagree with those saying it's harmless.

When people groom, it will often start off with gifts - there's a debt, then.

Your daughter isn't grooming (from the sound of it) but could easily, frighteningly easily, be accused of it.

I don't know how you can stop it when she's 20, though. Can't she see how easily she could be accused?

This is in no way similar to someone who buys rounds of drinks in a pub. A 20 year old socialising with a 14 year old is odd.

I agree with the PP that she does sound vulnerable. Does she have friends from uni? Does she have a job?

Yes she could be accused of grooming. Unless she is though, it won't go anywhere.

Buck sockunicorn, I think the idea of buying rounds is that it's reciprocal! This sounds like the OPs daughter is just throwing money at people for nothing in return, just so as they 'like' her. It's desperately sad and I think one day she'll look back and majorly regret it.

OP, how come she lives at home? I guess maybe without the pressure of paying rent etc she doesn't really understand the value of money. Could you help her move out? If it's your internet she's using, could you restrict that?

• But, not Buck!

I think OP your DD sounds vulnerable and may be being taken advantage of.
Do those saying that it is odd to talk to teenagers online do online gaming? I do and get teenagers and adults messaging me. I ignore them all, but it is not unusual for teenagers and adults to talk on online gaming. Especially as OPs DD is spending a lot of time on gaming so will get "known" by other gamers as a regular. This is pretty normal.
But it sounds like she could be being exploited.

OP maybe talk to your DD about how friendship is a two way thing. So if her online friends also buy her stuff, then I think this is okay. A waste of money, but her choice. If she is buying for others and not receiving gifts back ever, she is being exploited.

Wow, maybe tell her that it does look like grooming?

I'd be extremely wary of an adult buying children online gifts. Sorry. It's very weird and I'd be seeking advice if it were my DC she was buying things for.

It would bother me too OP. For wasting her money, being taken advantage of and the grooming issue.

I would think standing in the pub buying her friends a round of drinks would be similar and wouldnt bat an eyelid

That’s not really analogous though Sock.

It’s more like standing in a sweet shop and buying chocolate for lots of children you really don’t know just so that they like you.

It sounds very worrying to me.

I think it sounds like she is being exploited by other people and trying to buy friendships. Is she being blackmailed into it? Where will it end? "Can you send me money for xyz?"

But if i was the parent of one of the children I would not be at all happy. "why is she trying to buy my kids friendship?" "Is she even a woman?"
Even if she doesn't have ill intent she is teaching them that its ok to take money / gifts from strangers. And spend money on video games that you don't have, only a step away from a gambling addiction.

I'm sure it is well intentioned, but perhaps you need to spell out to her quite baldly what it could look like. I would also be strongly encouraging her to build relationships in real life, and partly because some of those 14 year olds may in fact be 46 year old men looking for vulnerable and socially isolated individuals to prey on.