Daughter always buying people online stuff, can I stop her?

[oliviertresfre]

My daughter is 20 and is only really sociable online. She stayed at home for uni and just plays games online my concern is she has been buying people points and skins and stuff in games. Some being as young as 14. I've told her I think it looks odd. She says she buys them for people her age to.

I hate that she's buying stuff for people that are probably just using her. She says that she's popular but I can probably guess the reason!!

I don't know if I can put a stop to t while she lives at home. Hate that she's buying them for children as well. Could bring all kinds of trouble and allegations to the house.

If I found out my son was having stuff bought him by an adult I would be on the phone to my local police station asking for advice, and hoping they would be doing something. Sorry probably not what you wanted to hear. But if they are doing it, my concern would be a) why b) who else are they doing this too c) are they trying to meet up with kids etc. It is essentially grooming.

Are there any SEN at play here?

Abacucat you're naive if you assume all online grooming involves explicit or even vaguely sexual language.

It doesn't.

I know it doesn't. But there has to be proof of grooming before any action would be taken.

You are subsidizing this practice because if she wasn’t living with you, she would be spending that money on rent. You can’t stop her, but you can stop subsidizing her budget.

It is essentially grooming

It's not.

Grooming requires intent, manipulative behaviour with the intention of engaging in (or facilitating) illegal sexual activity with a minor.

It sounds like she's buying friendship. And socialising with 14year olds at 20 is odd. Does she have online friends her age? I think a chat about friendship & that gift buying might make the 14year olds parents uneasy (& why) is needed.

She looks like a peadophile grooming kids to the police. Tell her that.

Does she have SN?

And even if she isn't grooming them herself she is teaching young kids that there are safe people who are older and will buy you things online and that puts them in danger.

What happens if they trust someone because of her and are hurt by an actual peadophile?

One of the rules you follow with safeguarding, is that you restrict certain acts, not because they themselves are bad but because it can foster an environment where people can take advantage. So e.g. I don't offer a lift home to individual brownies, not because I'm suspected of being a paedophile, but because if this became the norm someone could do the same with nefarious intentions.

Your daughter, knowingly or not, is setting a precedent that it is right and normal for adults to buy children they don't know gifts as a way of "making friends" and whilst she may just want to be liked, it is creating an environment where someone else could do the same and expect something in return.

And even if she isn't grooming them herself she is teaching young kids that there are safe people who are older and will buy you things online and that puts them in danger.

This a million times.

Can you speak to her about the fact she's an adult and if these kids look up to her then she has a responsibility to behave responsibly toward them - and that includes playing her part in keeping them safe by not encouraging them to accept gifts from strangers online?

She's putting herself in a vulnerable position, and she's encouraging children to put themselves in vulnerable positions.

you will have lots of posters saying this is OK - but I really don't think it is- at the very least it makes her vulnerable

I really don't think anyone would say this is ok tbh.

Maybe the part about spending her own money if that's the case but an adult buying children who aren't RL friends/relatives gifts? No. No one would say that's ok. It's not. For all the reasons stated.

Of course its not harmless. The best possible interpretation is that she is extremely naive and immature. She doesn't realise you don't have to buy friends, or how her behaviour can be interpreted.

If you pay for the broadband then take control of the router and stop her going online.

If it's 'skins' she is buying, she presumably is playing fortnite. My 12 year old plays this and whilst I think I know who is playing with, I would not want him being bought these things by a 20 year old woman! I have bought him these things so I know how appealing the offer would be to a child that has no means of getting them. I think the power dynamic is all wrong there despite her intentions being kind.

I don’t think you stop parenting magically at 18 so disagree with those saying ‘it’s her money, her problem’

I’m hot on my kids online gaming accounts and if anyone Male or female was buying them gifts I’d report it- and I work for the police so know how innocuous reporting can be harmful to the force and people

Have you really spelled out your concerns?

YES this @moltenlasagne very wise advice.

Your daughter, knowingly or not, is setting a precedent that it is right and normal for adults to buy children they don't know gifts as a way of "making friends" and whilst she may just want to be liked, it is creating an environment where someone else could do the same and expect something in return.

this is wrong on both ways

1. she may end up being exploited
2. she may be accused of grooming
3. online shit is scam

No she doesn't have SEN but she has had anorexia/depression which I think has made her immature in some ways.

I'm also really concerned how this looks and really would hate for it to come to our house. I think she thinks she's just being nice. She does pay rent to me actually so I can't make her pay more it's just her spare money she has. Really hard

You need to spell out to her how this impacts on the children she’s buying for.

My ds plays fortnite and I too would be WTF if some random was buying him stuff. I dont let him interact anyway but if they did, I would not be impressed.

It also gives the impression to the younger children that it’s ok to receive gifts from unknowns over the Internet.

This is not like being in a pub getting free drinks - a pub is face to face for a start and you wouldn’t knowingly have minors getting served.

Just tell her that generally, it's unacceptable for adults to buy online gifts for children they don't personally know, and that what she is doing WILL be misconstrued.

She does need to stop this op, surely you can see that?

Of course I can see that. Why do you think I posted ? What happens with the adults she buys them for? I don't like they either. I find that's then the complete opposite and they just want her money

The pub comment wasn’t in response to you OP.

The adults are about people exploiting her position and taking the piss. How does she even know their ages?

I would also look at ways of Helping her recover from her mental illness.