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AIBU?

Aibu to get fed up of these childcare requests?

66 replies

LolaTola · 10/10/2018 06:33

I have my own business and work from home so I take my DCs to and from school. Lucky me but I have worked hard to get to that point.

We have known a couple for about 8 years through the school. We say hi when we see each other, very occasionally go out as part of a group (once a year at most) so I'd say we're friends but not close.

They both work ft in demanding jobs and have children at different schools so a bit of a complex set up. They seem to regard me as their backup childcare and its getting on my nerves. The only time I hear from them is when they need a favour. It's always painted as some emergency when 9/10 it's their crap planning. In the last 3 weeks alone I have been asked to have their children after school who were meant to be collected at 7 but didn't come until 9 Hmm and then to have them before school as they had a meeting.

I also regularly receive calls asking me to collect the children and wait 10 minutes in the playground as they're in traffic.

The late night one was inconvenient but the others are doable but just annoying. It's not the inconvenience that annoys me it's just the fact I feel used by them as I never hear from either unless they want a favour. Aibu and a bit of a misery? I don't mind helping people for very rare emergencies but I don't want to be someone's plan B because they can't get their act together to organise a plan A. Needless to say, I don't ask any favours of them but they don't offer anything in return either.

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Monty27 · 10/10/2018 06:37

£25 ph depending on short notice and late pick up and then it doubles. ETA? Don't be mugged OP. Brew

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bastardkitty · 10/10/2018 06:37

Just reply next time with 'sorry - can't help' and if they continue to ask just explain you can't help any more.

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YeTalkShiteHen · 10/10/2018 06:39

Next time, just say you’ve got plans and you can’t.

If they try again, same again.

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GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/10/2018 06:40

Don’t answer your phone, say you left if at home.

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EndeavourVoyage · 10/10/2018 06:40

Just tell them what you told us, why let people carry on regardless. Some people (quite rightly) will assume there isn’t an issue if one isn’t raised.

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AJPTaylor · 10/10/2018 06:40

Dont be available.
Block their number after telling them "lots of people seem to regard me as their back up. Its too much so i am saying no to everyone from now on." Cf that they are.

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Tahani · 10/10/2018 06:41

Don't answer your phone when they call around school times

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Whompthatwillow · 10/10/2018 06:41

No cheeky fucker your poor planning is not my emergency. And repeat as needed. Good luck with it.

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mimibunz · 10/10/2018 06:42

Ignore the phone calls and text messages from them. They’ve been cheeky too many times.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/10/2018 06:42

CFs. If they’re not offering anything in return, not giving you a gift, and not really seeing you socially, they’re just rude. I think I’d message and say that you’ve noticed their childcare arrangements are rather patchy as they’ve asked you X times in Y weeks. You won’t be able to help any longer so they’ll need to find a reliable alternative. Don’t make any suggestions on what that might be. Don’t explain why you can’t do it.

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LolaTola · 10/10/2018 06:42

Grin Monty27

Thank you both. I was questioning myself as it's not inconvenient as such. It's just the principle that they only contact me if they want something. It just seems off. I'd like to be one of those 'help anyone' types but instead I'm a grumpy peri menopausal woman who thinks wtf when I see their name pop up on my phone and just know it'll be one of their 'emergencies'.

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madcatladyforever · 10/10/2018 06:42

You need to learn to say no.

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LolaTola · 10/10/2018 06:43

Thank you all. Good to have a CG confirmation check.

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LolaTola · 10/10/2018 06:45

I meant CF

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StoorieHoose · 10/10/2018 06:46

Block their number on your phone. If they do ask face to face just say no I can’t help. You can do this. These people are acquaintances not friends

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TheCakeCrusader · 10/10/2018 06:48

As others as posted, don’t answer the phone/ ignore their texts or just block them on the phone! If they only ever contact you for the reasons you’ve mentioned above, it seems reasonable to take them off your contacts.

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ZenNudist · 10/10/2018 06:52

Send a text as if it's to a lot of people saying "Hello everyone . Change of circumstances means I can't do backup and emergency child care anymore. Letting you know now so you can make alternate plans. "

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CigarsofthePharoahs · 10/10/2018 06:58

Do what I do and develop a really good resting bitchy face. Nobody asks me for favours at all!
Just for once being a social pariah is really paying off.

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Monty27 · 10/10/2018 07:01

Tell them you are looking for paid employment.
I had money when my DC's were young. I had childcare, ironing done, gardening, and cleaning. I was happy to pay just so I could hold my job down and have quality time with DC's in the evenings and weekends. I didn't have a lot left financially. But we have great memories, they mostly became family friends too. Their father had stopped paying maintenance too

It was tiring but DC's are great still and they are in their 20s.
I am skint these days but it was worth it Smile

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Butterymuffin · 10/10/2018 07:05

Zen's text is good. Send that and then also just don't answer the phone when they ring (they'll still try it on, but they've been warned). It's not acceptable. DH and I also both work ft in demanding jobs and we know we have to pay for childcare. I have asked friends to help only in genuine emergencies (e.g. one of us was suddenly admitted to hospital).

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Tahani · 10/10/2018 07:07

Send a text as if it's to a lot of people saying "Hello everyone . Change of circumstances means I can't do backup and emergency child care anymore. Letting you know now so you can make alternate plans. "

I wouldn't do this, as it's patchy, just don't answer the phone to them, if they whatsapp/messenger where they can see if read, don't read them til you're home a d it's too late

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LagunaBubbles · 10/10/2018 07:08

This apply to all CFs - they only get away with their behaviour because others let them.

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eddielizzard · 10/10/2018 07:10

Don't answer the phone when they're running a bit late for school pick up. Say no, can't help out this time, too much on. After 3 or 4 no's they'll get the message and latch onto someone else. Or buck up.

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SnuggyBuggy · 10/10/2018 07:10

This is why I laugh at those threads where people crap on about how everyone needs back up childcare and if you don't have grandparents you need to network and build a village.

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aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/10/2018 07:14

Just don’t answer. They don’t ring you for anything else. Cheeky fucks.

They’ll probably stop talking to you but I’d consider that a bonus!

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