Aibu to get fed up of these childcare requests?

[LolaTola]

I have my own business and work from home so I take my DCs to and from school. Lucky me but I have worked hard to get to that point.

We have known a couple for about 8 years through the school. We say hi when we see each other, very occasionally go out as part of a group (once a year at most) so I'd say we're friends but not close.

They both work ft in demanding jobs and have children at different schools so a bit of a complex set up. They seem to regard me as their backup childcare and its getting on my nerves. The only time I hear from them is when they need a favour. It's always painted as some emergency when 9/10 it's their crap planning. In the last 3 weeks alone I have been asked to have their children after school who were meant to be collected at 7 but didn't come until 9 and then to have them before school as they had a meeting.

I also regularly receive calls asking me to collect the children and wait 10 minutes in the playground as they're in traffic.

The late night one was inconvenient but the others are doable but just annoying. It's not the inconvenience that annoys me it's just the fact I feel used by them as I never hear from either unless they want a favour. Aibu and a bit of a misery? I don't mind helping people for very rare emergencies but I don't want to be someone's plan B because they can't get their act together to organise a plan A. Needless to say, I don't ask any favours of them but they don't offer anything in return either.

I used to have a friend like this. One childcare emergency after the other and it was always me she called on because she knew I would be in the playground every day. After many months I came to the realisation that her "emergencies" were no such thing...just bad planning, poor time keeping and failing to organise appropriate childcare! I stopped replying to the texts or answering the phone and funnily enough she can manage to get to the playground for 3pm after all

I get this sometimes. I ignore the phone. If asked I might say I was on a work call, or it wasn't in the room etc.

Agree with everyone to simply DON'T ANSWER. Block the number. Look blank if they question they've been trying to contact you.. I've done this for ages. Me being the one with two children the youngest newborn too and I was rallying around taking dds 5 year old friend into school, picking her up etc as I felt sorry for the child being late every day or left stood there after school. pathetic excuse for a mum always late and lazy yet we lived near eachother. I would go out of my way to pick up the girl,messing about taking my own child out of the baby carrier to get her kid safely in the back seat of my car. Sometimes she'd wait in the parking area at school for me to park up then jump out and say ' can you just walk in with you I'm in a rush...' she didn't work by the way. I gave her all my old travel system pram and baby furniture clothes etc when she became pregnant and she basically took the piss. Not a thanks or bottle of wine ever. So I blocked her number and then she had to get off her arse to actually take her own child to school. Never spoke to her since. Don't be walked over. You sound a lovely caring friend and parent but it's their responsibiliy. Theyl have to pay for wraparound childcare.

Didn't realise how long that rant was sorry

I would tackle it head on by answering calls/texts with a simple “No, it’s not convenient”. If you ignore a text or voicemail they could easily twist it to be your fault when their child is left standing alone in the school playground etc.

Let us know when you've done it, OP!

I found my ‘village’ when DC were at school. I picked up and fed other people’s DCs often and they did the same for me. In 2 real emergencies I kept children overnight. As I was mostly a SAHM I probably did more than my ‘ fair share’ but it was worth it as I know I could then call on people when I was in need. I also got some very generous thank you gifts when the imbalance was very marked.

One mum in the school had a very controlling husband who wouldn’t let her step in for other parents in case she got taken advantage of. It left her very isolated and clearly very guilty on the rare occasions she asked for help.

Q

Oh you know what, I'd be really blunt with her, I think. I'd say, "Funny how you only contact me when you need something. No, I won't be able to help out."

The trick is to write a message which, if they show others, make it clear they are unreasonable.

Tell her you are becoming a childminder - would she like to set up a permanent arrangement. She will say no, but next time she asks, tell her your double rate last minute fee, £5 extra for meals...

*You can’t as you are heading to a friends straight after school

You have some errands to do on the way in

DD / you / dog has an appointment / is sick

Just have a list ready and after a few weeks they will have moved onto asking someone else*

Do this. Don't tell people that you are becoming a childminder (unless you actually plan to). If they start being enthusiastic about using you as a childminder, you won't know what to do.

"No I can't, sorry."
Repeat

There's nothing objectionable, it's perfectly polite.

I love embo1 suggestion that you tell her you're setting up as a childminder. But seriously just say no, I'm busy.

Of course as others have said your work load has increased and IN FACT you wish there was someone to help you right now. But my best option would be to "forget" the phone at home.

Why do you say yes? Just say no you have an appointment. Or don't answer your phone!

If the OP says that she has somewhere to go they might go past her house and point out that her car was parked on the road/driveway or even visit for "no reason" and notice that she is at home indeed. Some people know no privacy and have no manners.