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AIBU?

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Original poster

To worry that we've made a mistake by moving

71 replies

Jackfruitburger · 09/10/2018 23:25

We live in a big city in the UK. In August we moved from the suburbs to the inner city. I wanted to be closer to the good primary schools, closer to our jobs in the city and closer to a lot of the activities that we ended up travelling to every weekend. I just wanted something different to what I had growing up, which was the feeling that everything was always going on 'elsewhere.'
We had crime in our area but it was more domestic violence. We had to call the police on three separate neighbours after they brawled in the street with friends, family and partners. However I always felt safe walking through my neighbourhood, and never worried for my partners safety if he was out at night. We could walk to the cash point in the evening if we needed to.
In our new house it's different. Tonight there has been three stabbings in our area, one on our road. Last week the whole street was cordoned off for a stolen car and someone resisting arrest. I feel like we're trapped in our house in the evenings and I worry if dp goes to the corner shop for milk after 8pm. I can't imagine how much I'll worry if my dc's want go out when they're older.
We love our house, the kids school, preschool and the mums are so friendly. I just feel so saddened by the crime on our doorstep and the feeling that our perfect house might be a perfect prison.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jackfruitburger · 09/10/2018 23:47

Anyone out there?

OP posts:
IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 10/10/2018 00:21

Tbh I don't understand why you didn't google crime stats before you moved. Did you really not expect more crime in an inner city?

I've lived in both but you do have to adopt a different way of walking in an inner city, and you never have cash or phone showing.

Things like stolen cars can happen anywhere, and are probably less frightening than domestic violence, as it's property and not people, but do have a look at the very local stats and see if the level of crime is something you can tolerate or learn to tolerate.

If it's not right for you, move back to a place you feel safe while your kids are young enough to cope with the disruption at school.

Original poster
Jackfruitburger · 10/10/2018 00:33

I did but they were the same for my area and the area where my friends live and they had never had any issues. I think there's been a rise very recently.
I don't mind the stolen cars but it's the stabbing. As crazy as my neighbours were, they wouldn't have ever hurt a stranger.

OP posts:
BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 10/10/2018 00:37

Unfortunately that is the price you pay for inner city living there will always be more crime in that environment, I am surprised you would not have realised that. I think yes you have made a mistake if your move is causing you such worry and stress regarding the safety of your children and husband, might be best to move back and have peace of mind.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 10/10/2018 00:39

Sorry I’m a bit gobsmacked by this.
‘I don’t mind the stolen cars it’s the stabbing ‘
Crazy neighbours would never hurt a stranger?!?
Fuck me where do you live op?

Original poster
Jackfruitburger · 10/10/2018 00:41

Do you think you ever get used to it? I knew there would be crime, obviously. But given that we had lived next door to domestic abuse, child neglect, drug use and prostitution I thought I could handle it. But these stabbings, just random attacks on people walking by, they worry me! Maybe I'll get used to it, or maybe there will be more police on patrol in our area.

OP posts:
BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 10/10/2018 00:45

Where did you look to check the crime stats? If you use streetcheck it shows you on a chart the type of crime such as/violence/domestic/anti social behaviour/weapons. The amount of crime may be the same as your previous home but the severity is greater by the sounds of it.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 10/10/2018 00:46

I wouldn’t want to get used to it! Seriously this sounds frightening. Crime is everywhere but you are describing a situation that nobody would be comfortable in.

Original poster
Jackfruitburger · 10/10/2018 00:48

I just don't understand how an area can feel so different at night compared to the day.

OP posts:
BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 10/10/2018 00:51

Crikey OP I think you need Phil and Kirsty to find you a better location! Neither sound a good option.

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 10/10/2018 00:51

Time to move back out Jack, and further out than you were before!

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 10/10/2018 00:53

Night and day jack as old as the hills.
Sorry to say this but do you really want to bring up your dc in an area where you’re frightened if DH goes out for milk at 8pm?
I would suggest move to the best area you can regardless of the size of the property.

Original poster
Jackfruitburger · 10/10/2018 00:55

Just to explain why I've moved. We have managed to buy a huge three bed for the same price as our tiny two bed. Our dc's are 0.4 miles from the primary school of our dreams. My dd goes to an amazing Forrest school preschool, which she loves. The parks and nature reserves on our doorstep are incredible.
There was nothing in the suburbs. No groups, no community, no diversity. They shut our library. All our schools were in special measures. High unemployment.
I'm so sure that we made the right decision but I can't help but be worried by the crime on our doorstep.

OP posts:
darkside29 · 10/10/2018 00:58

You never really know a neighbourhood till you’re in it. And ‘nice’ neighbourhoods can become less nice over time as well (subjective term obviously).

If you are genuinely unhappy or stressed where you are, no law states you should stay there. It’s a question of resources and priorities. If you want to explore some options, and consider another move some time, why not open a discussion with your partner.

BasiliskStare · 10/10/2018 00:59

3 stabbings in one night ? What do you call your area ?

stellabird · 10/10/2018 00:59

I think that all young people think " wonderful things are happening somewhere else !" as you did. It's normal to feel that way when you are a kid . Unfortunately you have made a mistake in thinking that if you moved to "somewhere else" , things would be perfect. Not so. Most families live in the suburbs, because suburbs are safe and set up for family living. You should have thought of that before you made this big move to the city . Sounds like you need to make another move.....back to those "boring suburbs" where people don't get stabbed every night.

Haireverywhere · 10/10/2018 01:00

I moved out of a city centre for those reasons OP. I didn't want to get used to it and fortunately didn't have to. Many trendy areas of my city became dangerous at night.

Any other options?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 10/10/2018 01:02

It sounds like you made a sensible move as regards house, schools, location BUT to be so worried about crime, car thefts , stabbings etc in the area you have moved to is going to have a huge impact as your kids grow.
Are you ok with dc walking home from school?

BasiliskStare · 10/10/2018 01:02

Sorry I mean what do you call "your area" i.e. how would you describe its size and character - not asking you to name the actual area

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 10/10/2018 01:09

Alarm bells should have rung if you can get a huge house in the city for the same price as a small one in the suburbs, usually it’s the other way around, people move out to the suburbs to get more for their money.....

Original poster
Jackfruitburger · 10/10/2018 01:10

It's in Bristol, an area of the inner city, ten years ago very deprived but now 'up and coming' with a huge surge in 'down from London' ers buying in the area. We took a risk as I'm pretty sure in five years this place will be gentrified beyond all belief!
There's a gastro pub at the bottom of our road selling a £15 scotch egg starter, the parks are full of Tobias's and Enid's and parents in Joules wellies and Seasalt macs. I just wonder if they're at home listening to the sirens. Are they here at night? Or do they secretly all live in the suburbs and just join in for the day?

OP posts:
Monty27 · 10/10/2018 01:17

Blimey! It sounds awful and I live in SE London and brought two children up here. It's got a great community spirit and lots of green. It's only a fiver for a scotch egg.
I suppose you are the starters of gentrification. It may take some time.
Good luck with the scotch eggs 🤔

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 10/10/2018 01:20

Oh dear.
Thing is op you’ve got to decide where your priorities lie.
If you’ve got young kids you really need to look at your prospects for the next 10 yrs.
For me it would be a total deal breaker if I was scared to leave the house after dark, cars were being knicked and people being stabbed.
Not an area I’d like to live in thank you very much.
As said before, live in the best you can afford in the best area you can afford.
It’s all very well having a nice big house, near to the school etc but even the nicest house in a shit hole is not very desirable

Original poster
Jackfruitburger · 10/10/2018 01:22

@Monty27 yet to try the scotch eggs but everyone is vegan round these parts so doubt the pub will last long! I'm hopeful that I've made the right decision.

OP posts:
Eastie77 · 10/10/2018 01:24

Sounds as if you live in an area similar to mine OP. Stabbings, other violent crime and robberies are all commonplace. The primary schools are fantastic though and young families have moved here en masse specifically for that reason. We also have a huge amount of green space locally and endless activities for children. Crime has fallen (slowly) and the house my parents bought for a pittance in the 80s when no-one would willingly move here is now valued around £1 million (the average price for a 4 bed here).

Despite the crime and endemic social problems I don't feel threatened walking around but I was born here and can understand why someone from a quiet suburb would feel unnerved. You sound shell shocked and miserable and that's no way to live. Would your DP support you in moving so soon?

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