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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think in laws would want to be around to celebrate hubby's 50th?

72 replies

MeditationTeaHouse · 09/10/2018 23:23

I feel like I am a walking AIBU thread at the moment and need to vent - and wonder if I'm overreacting in being upset. So it's hubby's 50th birthday next week and we found out on Friday evening his parents have booked a coach trip for next week - and are away all week.

I booked a trip to London last week overnight (1st time since duaghter was born - she is 2) for last week and they babysat overnight. It's NOT about going out and wanting babysitters - I'm just upset for him that his parents won't be here to celebrate. I'd planned to go out for a celebratory meal with them next week and he really wanted to do something on the day - and have his parents obviously.

My last big birthday was the last day I went out with my mum for something special before she died and it's kind of knocked me that this is really important - and why I had booked the London trip which was fabulous.
I'm upset for him - he won't let me say anything as they sulk and I just think it's sad that his own parents booked a coach trip over his 50th. It's an important milestone.....or am I just overreacting?

OP posts:
hurricanefloss · 09/10/2018 23:27

If you left it this late to organise something with them, they might have assumed you weren't doing anything that involved them?

thisneverendingsummer · 09/10/2018 23:31

Sorry, but I don't think anyone except the person themselves, (and their husband or wife) really cares that much about 'special birthdays...' It wouldn't occur to me to not book a holiday if a family member was 40 or 50, unless it was planned a year in advance, and a big deal made of it.

I know he is their son, but he is 50, not 18 or 21. They've done nothing wrong. IMO.

Happy birthday to your hubby. Smile

CherryPavlova · 09/10/2018 23:35

I think at 50 you can cope. A non issue

jomaIone · 09/10/2018 23:38

Yeah birthdays just aren't that big of a deal in either my or my husbands famillies. Wouldn't have given it a second thought.

HeddaGarbled · 09/10/2018 23:39

Sorry, but yes, I think YABU. If you and your H were planning to do something special that included his parents for his birthday, you should have invited them a good while ago.

grumpy4squash · 09/10/2018 23:42

Most folk on MumsNet wouldn't think it 'obvious' that a 50 year old would choose a night out with their parents.
It's nice that you want to, but given that you didn't invite them, you can't be upset if they're unavailable.

SassitudeandSparkle · 09/10/2018 23:45

Had you asked them to do anything on his birthday, because it doesn't sound as if you did - you asked them to do something the week before which they may well have taken as a cue that no invite on the day would be coming their way!

What do they/you normally do on his birthday?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2018 00:06

It sounds as though you left all the planning for the last minute. You can't be upset with them if they already had plans, surely?

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 10/10/2018 00:10

I think most people expect a 50th to be arranged more than a week in advance, if it’s going to be a important thing?

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 10/10/2018 00:31

If you hadn't got round to inviting them with only a week to go why on earth would they think you wanted to see them?

Wherearemycarkeys · 10/10/2018 06:04

He's not a child, I'm sure he can have a nice birthday without his mum and dad there and can see them another time

Wherearemycarkeys · 10/10/2018 06:06

Also there's so many threads on here by people who are pissed off because theirs in laws want to see their OH on their actual birthday, and the posters want to do something alone together or with friends or something. I wouldn't assume mum and dad would be going to my birthday event - whether it was a meal or an evening out - as an adult! I'd go and see them seperately for sure.

Bluewidow · 10/10/2018 06:27

They have had 49 other birthdays for him, there probably bored. Let them enjoy their coach trip and you enjoy time with your dh and DC.

ExFury · 10/10/2018 06:29

I think they’ve probably just assumed you have plans that don’t include them given his birthday is next week

Bunnybigears · 10/10/2018 06:34

They probably assumed you werent doing anything given that you havent actually invited them to anything.

Dermymc · 10/10/2018 06:35

He's 50 not 5! They probably thought you weren't organising anything.

HarrySnotter · 10/10/2018 06:36

Agree that if you didn't invite them to any planned events before now they probably think that you're either not doing anything, or that they're not invited. You can't expect them to hang around waiting for you to decide what to do.

AuntBeastie · 10/10/2018 06:37

I understand your disapoibtment but I also think that you’ve left it a bit late to organise, Your DH’s parents may well have assumed nothing was planned.

flowery · 10/10/2018 06:43

”I'd planned to go out for a celebratory meal with them next week and he really wanted to do something on the day - and have his parents obviously.”

But if neither of you told his parents what you were planning how were they to know? They probably thought the London trip was his big birthday celebration. People tend to organise celebrations for big birthdays way in advance.

You are definitely massively overreacting.

Bloodybridget · 10/10/2018 06:47

If his parents are going on a week-long coach trip, they probably booked it quite a long time in advance, so it's not really relevant that the OP only decided on the meal out recently.

DragonGoby · 10/10/2018 06:49

People have different views about this sort of thing. On my last significant birthday I had a party with my friends but I didn't have a specific celebration with my parents. I have a great relationship with them btw.

Unfinishedkitchen · 10/10/2018 06:58

If them being there meant so much to you both, why did you wait until the last minute to invite them? Your bad planning isn’t their fault.

ShatnersBassoon · 10/10/2018 07:04

They obviously thought you weren't doing anything, or you'd have spoken about it.

SoupDragon · 10/10/2018 07:07

It's an important milestone

It really isn’t.

HomeMadeMadness · 10/10/2018 07:08

Sorry I think YABU. If they haven't heard from you by now they probably assumed you're not doing anything (or you're just doing something as a family). Surely DH can celebrate his birthday not on the exact day?