Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think in laws would want to be around to celebrate hubby's 50th?

72 replies

MeditationTeaHouse · 09/10/2018 23:23

I feel like I am a walking AIBU thread at the moment and need to vent - and wonder if I'm overreacting in being upset. So it's hubby's 50th birthday next week and we found out on Friday evening his parents have booked a coach trip for next week - and are away all week.

I booked a trip to London last week overnight (1st time since duaghter was born - she is 2) for last week and they babysat overnight. It's NOT about going out and wanting babysitters - I'm just upset for him that his parents won't be here to celebrate. I'd planned to go out for a celebratory meal with them next week and he really wanted to do something on the day - and have his parents obviously.

My last big birthday was the last day I went out with my mum for something special before she died and it's kind of knocked me that this is really important - and why I had booked the London trip which was fabulous.
I'm upset for him - he won't let me say anything as they sulk and I just think it's sad that his own parents booked a coach trip over his 50th. It's an important milestone.....or am I just overreacting?

OP posts:

DirtyBlonde · 10/10/2018 07:14

I think you probably left the invitation to them too late.

I can see why you're disappointed/upset, but you cannot expect people to put their life on hold because you might invite them to something. And indeed, depending on when the trip was booked, it might even have been to distract themselves from not having been invited to anything. Because they may well have assumed you were celebrating without them (as nothing was mentioned until only a week or two before the day)

Waitingonasmiley42 · 10/10/2018 07:17

YABU. They have their own lives. If it was your wedding they missed I could understand.

Quartz2208 · 10/10/2018 07:21

So last week you booked a trip just the two of you to London and they babysat. You haven’t booked anything in for next week either and you wonder why they booked a coach trip

Wonkypalmtree · 10/10/2018 07:25

they Babysat your 2 year old to allow you to celebrate the birthday, they probably thought that the birthday had all ready been celebrated?

FiveShelties · 10/10/2018 07:36

Perhaps they thought you did not think it important as you had not organised anything.

Nannewnannew · 10/10/2018 07:38

As your husband is nearly 50 his parents are obviously of the generation who have never celebrated milestone birthdays, apart from the 18th and 21st of course. Hard to believe nowadays, but they really were not significant occasions.

scaryteacher · 10/10/2018 07:39

My Mum wasn't staying with us for my 50th, and neither were my in laws about for dh's. My db is 50 this year, and my Mum will call him, but any celebrations are down to him and his wife; parent and sibling are not expected to dance attendance.

nuttyknitter · 10/10/2018 07:42

I agree with the OP. I certainly wouldn't plan to be away for my adult DCs birthday without checking first if they had plans. They all like to have a family meal to celebrate, whether it's on the day or at a more convenient time.

NicePieceOfPlaid · 10/10/2018 07:43

You left it far too late. Maybe they are hurt not to be invited to something so decided to go away.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 10/10/2018 07:43

So he's already had his celebration with the London weekend? For which they babysat? Did they know there was going to be another celebration?

Sorry, but pps are right. Adult birthday celebrations tbh are generally a bit cringey. Milestones stop between 21 and about 80 IMO.

MarianneAgain · 10/10/2018 07:43

My Mum managed to book a holiday abroad over my 40th.... and missed the big party I had (hired a hall and everything).... I have a great relationship with her, but she books her holidays 18 months to 2 years ahead and simply hadn't done the Maths to think 1975 + 40.... mustn't go away in June 2015.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/10/2018 07:43

See any other day on MN someone would be posting how overbearing their inlaws were because they wanted to celebrate their sons 50th but she wanted to do something just for him.

MrsStrowman · 10/10/2018 07:44

In their position with no advanced invite, and babysitting so the two of you could go out, I would've assumed the London trip was the celebration to be honest.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/10/2018 07:45

You left it too late to tell them about the meal too.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 10/10/2018 07:45

True dat Duck. Or that the OP wanted a posho meal and the MIL was refusing to babysit!

FinallyHere · 10/10/2018 07:48

Is it possible that when there were no plans to 'book' them for this celebration, they thought you wanted to be along together or with friends and decided to book something else instead?

Our extended family is not all that large, but we secure 'dates in the diary' for anything very far ahead, to make sure everyone can be there. Nothing to do about the nature of the celebration, just acknowledging that people have busy lives and appreciate a bit of notice.

RedSkyLastNight · 10/10/2018 07:48

I'm actually wondering if the last minute holiday was because they were hanging on waiting for an invitation for some sort of 50th birthday celebration, and have decided the lack of invite (and the weekend in London) means there won't be one, so they may as well go away.

Anyway, if DH's parents are so close that he really wants there, why has no one talked to anyone else before now?

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 10/10/2018 07:50

It's an important milestone What? Like first steps, first day at school etc? Most parents really hope to have cut the apron strings by the time their children are 50, but maybe if your PFB is only 2, you can't quite see it yet.

I will be 50 in a couple of years, and can't think of anything worse that having my parents there.

EdisonLightBulb · 10/10/2018 07:50

I think YABU. I am a similar age and I really dont think our parents' generation made such a big thing of "milestone birthdays". Not only that but in their eyes you have already celebrated, last week in London.

Personally I find other people's extended birthdays that go in for days or weeks tiresome.

GU24Mum · 10/10/2018 07:57

Hi OP, it's my same birthday next week too! I'd agree that if you haven't already discussed with the in-laws at some point about possibly doing something... details to be confirmed. .are they generally free that they have assumed you either aren't doing anything or aren't doing it with them.

I know you've said that you're upset for him but is he actually upset himself? Either way, in the circumstances, you'd end up being unreasonable to berate the inlaws at this stage.

Saltedcaramelcake · 10/10/2018 07:58

We've had lots of 40th, 50th and 60th bdays in the family in the past year. If anything such as a meal was organised we were asked 2/3 months in advance to keep the date free. Who decides they are doing something 1 week before and then moans the people didn't keep it free? How very odd. I'd assume if I haven't been informed of a gathering/meal at least a few weeks before there isn't going to be one.

irregularegular · 10/10/2018 08:04

I think you are being unreasonable,sorry. You haven't invited them to anything, or suggested arranging anything. They may well have assumed they weren't to be involved. Not everyone would expect to see their parents for their 50th. And not all parents would expect it. It certainly wouldn't be a big deal round here.

Returnofthesmileybar · 10/10/2018 08:06

I agree I think you left it too late to tell them about a meal and you had been to London so they will have assumed that was the celebration.

irregularegular · 10/10/2018 08:08

When did they book the trip? If it was a while ago they maybe you's expect them to ask if you had plans. Though I still don't think it is a biggie in most families. If it was in the last couple of weeks then you are definitely unreasonable.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 10/10/2018 08:13

I hate those thre where plenary coming to say that the OP is unreasonable just become they do xxx

If the OP’s DH is sad that his parents are there for this 50th birthday, then he is and no one can tell him his feelings are wrong.
There is nothing intrinsically right or wrong to celebrate birthdays or to want to do so with your parents, even at that age.
(Fwiw I am more like the OP, as I get older I am more mindful of the the fact it might the last time I spend a special occasion with them and I want to use those opportunities).

I do agree that if you want someone to be there for one specific day, then You u need tell them in advance and plan.

But in that situation, I would just move the celebration by a week (just like we do with our own dcs)

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread