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AIBU?

to think my unborn baby is poorly?

61 replies

JemmaJau · 09/10/2018 18:58

So far this pregnancy, I've had bleeding from the beginning, monitoring for a short cervix because I had precancerous cells which needed treatment last year, an anomaly on the 20 week scan, raised likelihood of chromosomal problems and issues such as CF and CMV, problems with the umbilical cord, small baby implying possible IUGR, up and down blood pressure...

So far, baby looks okay but is small. After everything above, I am SURE there is something wrong with the baby and don't want to give birth because I am expecting either a stillbirth or an issue that will be harmful to baby. I'm so scared.

AIBU to be utterly convinced my baby is poorly?

OP posts:

Report

JemmaJau · 09/10/2018 19:04

I want this baby so badly. This baby is so loved. I've had so many miscarriages and finally my baby has made it to term (nearly) but I'm just absolutely terrified. My gut is talking to me and telling me something isn't right.

OP posts:

kitkatsky · 09/10/2018 19:05

I'm not surprised you're anxious after all that, but all anyone can tell you is to contact midwife if you have a physical cause for concern rather than your internal worries and be vigilant. Likely everything will be fine, but I get it x

3littlebadgers · 09/10/2018 19:07

No, you are not BU because fear is fear and you are not intentionally trying to feel this way. However they doesn't mean that what you are worried about it going to happen. Please go in to triage and get checked to ease your concerns. Tell th about your worries and how it issuing you feel.
I hope you have the rest of your pregnancy go by nice and easily and you can come back and tell us about your healthy baby. Anxiety during pregnancy can be so hard.

MrsReacher1 · 09/10/2018 19:08

I felt like that before my first. I was on my own and terrified.

If you have genuine concerns please do talk to the GP/Midwife for reassurance. It is important.

More than likely all will be well - but I don't know you or your circumstances so no point in listening to me. Try to relax and see a professional.

It's a lonely place to be if you are scared.

BlueSuffragette · 09/10/2018 19:09

Just wanted to say I fully understand why you are anxious and to wish you all the best. Please talk to your midwife as you may need additional support regarding your anxiety. I really hope everything works out well for you and that you will soon hold your much loved baby in your arms.

CherryPavlova · 09/10/2018 19:10

Maybe ask for another scan to be reassured that there are no anomalies - or to prepare you if there are. Nobody can say there definitely won’t be problems but some of the issues you’ve faced won’t impact on the baby (but will impact on you’re confidence in the pregnancy). Precancerous cells won’t make any difference at all, for example.

Stillbirths are rare and reducing. It’s very different to early pregnancy loss.
www2.le.ac.uk/offices/press/press-releases/2018/june/latest-report-on-stillbirth-and-neonatal-death-rates-for-local-populations-and-individual-nhs-trusts-and-health-boards-across-the-uk-in-2016.

ChiaraRimini · 09/10/2018 19:10

OP please see your midwife or GP to talk about your anxiety and how to manage it.

JemmaJau · 09/10/2018 19:11

The midwives and consultants keep telling me 'it's likely it's nothing' but because there have been so many problems, it's impossible not to think that at least one will be worst case scenario. I will love my baby no matter what but I'm just an anxious wreck. It's sad that I can't even have the birth I want and am going to have to have lots of monitoring and likely an induction/c section which is just the cherry on top I just want one thing to go right and to enjoy just a small part of pregnancy.

It's definitely tested me. That's for sure.

OP posts:

JemmaJau · 09/10/2018 19:12

Thanks cherry - I'm having lots of scans and the anomaly has gone but doesn't mean it wasn't there for a reason. If that makes sense.

I'm on 2/3 scans a week and they just seem to make me more anxious.

OP posts:

5amisnotmorning · 09/10/2018 19:14

We gad a 1 in 2 probability of a chromosone abnormality both from nuchal and bloods. Despite a clear cvs and abnormality scans I was also convinced that something would go wrong. It didn't. She is now 7.

JemmaJau · 09/10/2018 19:14

@5amisnotmorning so glad it all worked out for you. I'm praying I'm in the same camp

OP posts:

5amisnotmorning · 09/10/2018 19:18

I am not an anxious person but that pregnancy stretched me to my limits. It is so so hard. I posted to say that it can be ok even if you don't quite believe it.

Crunchymum · 09/10/2018 19:27

Just to clarify - your twenty week scan showed an anomaly? You were tested for certain genetic conditions but now the anomaly isn't showing on scans?

Sorry if I've got any if this wrong.

JemmaJau · 09/10/2018 19:32

@Crunchymum it showed an echogenic bowel, which is now not echogenic, but is correlated with IUGR, which baby currently has.

OP posts:

Sausages18 · 09/10/2018 19:39

It sounds a difficult time. Sending a hug.

Try not to worry about ‘the birth you want’ - hospital births or c sections can be beautiful and empowering.

I thought I wanted a homebirth in water. When it came to it, circumstances dictated every medical procedure ending in a c section. But I loved it, it was beautiful, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Good luck with everything.

Rebecca36 · 09/10/2018 19:41

You poor thing Jemma, not surprising you are anxious after all the scares.

Please try and believe all the reassurances your clinic is giving you.

As long as your baby is healthy it doesn't matter if he or she is small.
I've known a few people who've had 5lb babies who are perfectly OK.

All the very best to you.

Feefeetrixabelle · 09/10/2018 19:42

I think the best thing you can do is educate yourself and prepare yourself. I hope nothing does come up and we get an excited the baby is born no issues message. But maybe if you look into what could be then should it happen you will have the knowledge as to what to do.

So you know your baby is small, if you can afford to pick up some small preemie clothes/ supplies in case they are super small. If baby is born too big for them you can donate them on.

Learn about iugr, cmv and cf. not in a worst case scenario way but in a ok if baby is born with this then we may be in hospital for this amount of time. Sometimes knowing takes away the fear of the unknown.

And talk to your midwife because the stress is no good for you 💐

SnuggyBuggy · 09/10/2018 19:45

The attitude is better safe than sorry OP so chances are all will be well

Yellowsunredroses · 09/10/2018 19:49

i Think trust your instinct. I don’t mean to worry you but generally mum is right about her baby. BUT what would the issue be? It might just be baby needs to come early or might be small? I generally find the way to deal with worries and uncertainty is to get all of the facts and best and worst case sceneries and then find out how likely each one is. Your mw or doctor can help you with this.

I wouldn’t worry about the birth c-section though. It can actually be the best birth for some people. Birth is always shit - magical moments it is not!! Birth is about getting baby out - it doesn’t matter at all how that’s done as long as it’s safe for you both.

MamaRaisingBoys · 09/10/2018 19:49

Hi op
I had bleeding, high downs risk, cvs, low Papp A, reduced movements and slowed growth with ds1 and I felt exactly like you do. Was also induced.
Ds is 3 next month and absolutely fine. He did need antibiotics after the birth for signs of infection but so did I.
It’s such a scary time anyway without all the extra worries you have so not surprised your feeling like you do, but most likely all will be fine I found being induced comforting as there was extra monitoring of the baby, so that was one positive

Crunchymum · 09/10/2018 19:49

My DC2 showed a brightness on the bowel at our anomoly scan.

We had genetic testing (as you know echogenic bowel can be a soft a marker for C.F. we'd already had all the screening at our 12 week scan and had no other soft markers for DS). I had extra scans until 30w and then one final growth scan at 38w.

Granted I had no other issues and baby's growth was always on track.

Baby is now almost 4 and we never got to the bottom of the echogenic bowel.

Wishing you well and I hope the consultants and MW are right and it's nothing to be concerned about, however I'm sure if there are any issues you and baby will be well looked after. Best of luck.

teawamutu · 09/10/2018 19:51

@JemmaJau I know what you mean about being unable to relax. I had two mcs in three months, massive bleeding which looked like it was going to become three mcs in 6 months, a 13-week scan which suggested blood vessel problems, and then an iugr baby at 35 weeks. It felt like there were about three weeks of my pregnancy where I wasn't totally petrified. It's horrible.

But. You're being monitored, which is good. A c-section can be a relaxed and empowered choice - mine was, I was desperate to get ds2 out without putting him under any more stress.

He was tiny, but healthy and he caught up. The medical staff were fantastic and supportive. Ds2 is now 7, snuggled next to me reading.

Hang in there. Rooting for you both.

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MollysMummy2010 · 09/10/2018 20:18

I had a 4.4lb baby at 38 weeks. Currently yells at an eight year old gymnast who is nearly as tall as me and bright as a button to finish her reading and go to bed. Good wishes to you op, hope all is well.

flobella · 09/10/2018 20:27

It’s completely understandable that you are so anxious. Please ask for a referral via your GP for specialist ante-natal mental health. It is statistically most likely that your baby will be fine (but it is good that you are being closely monitored) but you need some specific techniques to help you with your anxieties to enable you to get through the next few months (and even enjoy your pregnancy). Congratulations on your pregnancy and do insist on specific help with this x

Soubriquet · 09/10/2018 20:34

My second child, ds, was born tiny.

Everything was going smooth ish, as in I needed regular scans to keep an eye on him, but so far it was ok. Then at 35 weeks, he just stopped growing.
I had to go up to the hospital, which was a 30 minute drive, every single day to be hooked up to the CTG monitor. They did this for 2 weeks which showed no improvement. At 37 weeks I was induced and ds was born healthy but very tiny. His head fitted into the palm of my hand he was that small. I had to buy preemie nappies and preemie clothing. But he didn’t have to stay in hospital.

So try not to worry. But please do speak to your midwife about your concerns. That is what they are there for

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