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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've outgrown my friends? And maybe should not continue?

60 replies

penny234 · 09/10/2018 15:17

I'm 33 and i have 2 friends one I've known 15 years and the other 5 years and the 3 of us are friends.
Both of these use cocaine on a night out.
I have never and would never touch any drugs (not trying to be mrs perfect but never seen the point) they've both said I'm the only friend who doesn't take it and actually tried to make it seem like I'm the one who isn't "normal"
She's just sent me a Snapchat at a kids show saying "think this guy is on the sniff"
This made me think ..god your pathetic.
The girl I've known 5 years,will drink herself to oblivion and falls over constantly on nights out,becomes aggressive and told me she urinated on someone's door stop after night out and was laughing about it.

I just don't find it funny,it's pathetic and I just don't feel like we have anything in common.
I'm meant to be on a night out on Saturday with them ...I really want to cancel and stay in and watch strictly.
I know I probably sound boring etc but I've found myself ignoring phone calls lately from them both.

OP posts:
Original poster
penny234 · 09/10/2018 15:17

*door step

OP posts:
Losingthewill1 · 09/10/2018 15:18

Jesus .... they would be much better off without you.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 09/10/2018 15:21

I don't think you sound boring at all. You don't share the same values so perhaps don't have that much in common and it's absolutely fine to feel that way - we're all different after all.

I'd just distance myself: to be honest, they might not really notice if they're a bit self-centered.

Pissing on someone's doorstep is grim.

BlueNeighbourhood · 09/10/2018 15:21

I think it would be best for you to just gently cut communication with them.

I would feel the same as you - no way would I want to waste my Saturday night going out with people who are on coke and making fools of themselves. You'll eventually meet more friends who would be happy spending a night in at their friends' house watching Strictly. Sometimes people grow apart and split off into different interests, that's what has happened here.

RangeRider · 09/10/2018 15:22

they would be much better off without you.
Why? Because the OP doesn't think much of people who take drugs, drink far too much, are aggressive, can't behave in public, and then try and make her feel bad?! Okay then.
Stay in & watch Strictly OP, far more fun and zero chance of being arrested.

Scatteredthoughtss · 09/10/2018 15:22

You clearly don't have anything in common so you are just friends out of habit, so why bother? You clearly have little in common.

HouseOfGoldandBones · 09/10/2018 15:23

It shouldn't be a judgement thing.

If you don't enjoy going for a night out with them (for any reason), then don't go.

If you do enjoy going for a coffee with them, then do that.

I don't think there's any reason to overthink it, surely?

Original poster
penny234 · 09/10/2018 15:25

We used to have things in common etc but they've changed since they started the drugs.
They can't have a night out without it now,cocktails aren't enough.
I just feel a bit sad as years ago we had fun ..shopping /going to local team footy but now they aren't interested if it doesn't involve drugs

OP posts:
Fridaydreamer · 09/10/2018 15:25

Honestly, dump them. Couldn’t be friends with people who think taking illegal drugs as an adult is a good idea. Teens sometimes don’t know any better. Adults should grow the fuck up.

Original poster
penny234 · 09/10/2018 15:26

I do love a good night out ..cocktails,cheesy music etc but I just get a bit worried when one of them starts looking for a fight incase I end up getting on the wrong side of it.

OP posts:
BagelGoesWalking · 09/10/2018 15:34

Sadly, it seems like a night out with them would be more stressful than enjoyable. Have you mentioned the drugs thing to them? Do they just laugh it off and say you're boring? If they do, then I'd question how much they're really your friends, as friends should (ideally) be a bit more considerate of your feelings.

User5895750 · 09/10/2018 15:45

Sounds like the end of the road for these friendships. It happens. Just don't be available much any more and let them fizzle. Start with bailing out this Saturday night.

Bluetrews25 · 09/10/2018 15:49

Cancel, cancel, cancel the cheque

IJustLostTheGame · 09/10/2018 15:50

Yanbu.
Cokeheads are boring.
Cocktails and dancing is fun.
Pissing on someone's front door, starting fights and collapsing whilst intoxicated is pathetic.

TheCakeDiet · 09/10/2018 15:52

Why don't you send them a truthful message along the lines of:

"Hello! Yes I know I'm the boring one, so I am going to bail this weekend. I know you will have loads of fun and in all honesty, I'll probably cramp your style :). If you fancy a Christmas shopping day or a football match any time soon, give me a shout. Have fun on Saturday x"

DreamsofJacaranda · 09/10/2018 15:52

YANBU. Don’t go out with them on a Saturday night, it’s no fun for the sober! They sound immature.

Maybe meet them for coffee in the daytime occasionally, and gradually step away from the friendship.

Neshoma · 09/10/2018 15:52

Nice one @Losingthewill Hmm

I'm with you. They clearly haven't grown up and become good members of society.

Leave before you are tempted (just to fit in) and get some nicer friends. I've no qualms about leaving old friend behind rather than have them drag me down.

Original poster
penny234 · 09/10/2018 15:53

I've said to them before that it's not my thing and they push n push for me to try ..then I snap and say no in a not very polite way.
It's the loose jaw and constant sniffing that makes me think ...this friendship ain't for me.

OP posts:
VeryFurryXmass · 09/10/2018 15:53

I like TheCakeDiet's graceful reply.

Original poster
penny234 · 09/10/2018 15:53

I would never ever ever in a million years do it to fit in.
I might not be good at much but I am strong minded and never been easily led (thankfully )

OP posts:
Mayhemmumma · 09/10/2018 15:54

You're not boring!
There's nothing more boring than a night out with people who use cocaine, totally self absorbed.

VeryFurryXmass · 09/10/2018 15:54

It's the loose jaw and constant sniffing that makes me think ...this friendship ain't for me

They sound like bloodhounds Grin

Digggers · 09/10/2018 15:55

I enjoy recreational drugs on occasion, but would never make anyone feel boring if they didn’t want to join in, or do drugs around them if it made them feel uncomfortable. Your friends sound a bit immature/ selfish/ disrespectful.

GreenMeerkat · 09/10/2018 15:56

You don't really sound compatible as friends.

I wouldn't be friends with people like that as we just wouldn't have anything in common. I'm a bit more like you.

I wouldn't have anything against people enjoying themselves how they like (provided they aren't endangering others) but it's not my cup of tea and I probably wouldn't want to socialise with them.

Prettyvase · 09/10/2018 15:57

Their behaviour is fuelling hell on earth in the countries where it is grown, manufactured, distributed and sold.

How anyone can be so utterly ignorant, selfish and narrow-minded to get their kick that way I'll never understand.

Dump them and tell them why.

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