to not bother with this person any more?

[DrSeuss]

A colleague has recently been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes due to excessive weight. (Statement of fact, not nastiness. I am also pretty large but currently trying to lose a little weight.) He was telling anyone who'd listen last week that he loves take aways, especially Indian and Thai, but can obviously no longer have them. He told us at length which were his favourites and asked ours, all the while bemoaning that he can't have them any more. He is also known to be quite a decent cook.

I have quite a few books on how to make Indian and Thai food as well as things such a pizza and pasties with greatly reduced calories. I put them in a bag and dropped them off with a member of his department as I couldn't find him. I didn't say what the bag was or why I had brought the books, just that they were for X. The team member promised to pass them on.

Several days went by and X didn't mention the books, even when he passed me in the corridor but no matter. I vaguely wondered if his team member had forgotten but was too busy to give it a lot of thought. Today, however, his manager sought me out to have a word with me. Apparently, he was not happy that i had brought him the books. His manager was really apologetic at having to come and talk to me but had done so at his request. She will return the books so that I don't have to revisit their department and collect them.

I have to confess that I felt a little annoyed by this. I was trying to be nice by giving someone who said they missed their favourite food access to it in a way that would not harm them. As I said, I'm far from skinny, currently in the obese category so it'd be kind of difficult to talk down to a fellow lard arse! I was pretty discrete, too. Not like I stood in the middle of the staffroom yelling, "Oi! Fat Knacker! These are for you!"

AIBU to wish I'd not bothered? And to cease any sympathy for their diet related woes?

You referred to yourself as a “lard arse” in your first post, OP. Obviously okay for you to say that but would you like it if someone else said that?

I suspect it’s a similar situation with your colleague. He feels it’s okay for him to chunter on and on about his weight and how he’s missing favourite foods but not okay for anyone else to allude to it?

I don’t think you did anything terrible per se but a note with the books or even a bright ”hey, would you like to borrow some Indian/Thai cook books?” the next time he witters on, would have been more appropriate.

Sending the notes sans note could seem a bit... pointed.

DrSeuss I am not finding it very charitable that every few posts you are drip feeding little examples of how he is indeed a greedy fucker and should have been bouncing up and down with glee at your "gift"

This. There’s something a bit unseemly about it, for want of a better word.

I would be in favour of banning any chat relating to weight or diets from workplaces. I find it stressful, fraught with opportunity for accidental offence, and completely tedious in equal parts.

If you’d left a note with the books explaining the stuff about wanting him to be able to enjoy the type of foods he liked, that might have helped. An unsolicited and anonymous gift pile of diet cookbooks must have felt a bit weird.

Maybe it’s more the way you gave them rather than the books themselves which have caused the hurt.

[https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/03/12-good-fatty-archetypes/]

And this is why teachers get a bad press.

No it isn't. What a remarkably odd thing to say.

I'm overweight but seriously, fat and sensitive. What a sad combination. He needs to get a grip and a life!

@BooMare, I've never heard that one before !
A knacker is indeed a testicle, or a Knacker is a person who disposes of horses.Eg., fat knacker in this case, was meant as testicle.

Pretty rude I would say. He’s trying to limit his carb and sugar intake whilst loosing weight at a healthy rate, quite possibly under dietician/doctor advice. Sounds like he is using humour to deal with it. So you handing him books when you have no idea if that’s actually allowed as part of his diet without so much as a conversation is pretty rude.
It would have made a lot more sense if he had just spoken to you about it rather than your boss but he maybe didn’t feel able to.

Also ‘what do I do when my students complain all he does is talk about diabetes?’ You grow up and be professional! Do not engage with the student and if you feel it’s worthy of letting management know then act accordingly.

Stop making it a personal attack on you, you tried to do something nice by getting involved but it backfired and he was offended. Move on from t

He’s a teacher.
He should not be talking to his class about his health problems unless it’s relevant to his lesson and then it’s a stretch in my opinion.
It’s not appropriate, they don’t want or need to know his health issues, and should be learning about his lesson subject.
The specifics of his health condition are irrelevant it’s still massively inappropriate.
He sounds to me like he doesn’t really want to change or accept his health condition (hence him rejecting the books) but enjoys moaning to whoever will listen.
As someone in the school environment with him and who has heard children comment about this and observed it for yourself I think you should consider raising it with his manager before parents start complaining, and that should be more of a concern to you rather than his rejection of your offer.
I expect I will now get a pile on from offended readers.

Thanks for being so cool about the "knacker" thing, everyone.

OP, does this colleague have a history of any friction with you?
I ask because it sounds like he took offense at YOU giving him the recipe books. If he’s talking non stop about his diabetes and how he needs to lose weight etc, that means the knowledge is in the public domain. And since you’re all not mind readers, one would assume that he would then not mind speaking about this topic. Therefore he shouldn’t be so annoyed at recipe books!

I think it’s more to do with you personally.

I can see why he might have misinterpreted your actions, a note would've been a good idea. Ridiculous to raise this issue with his manager though.

Going on and on about it in class isn't okay, but is a sign that he's struggling with a major lifestyle change (yes, he should be able to manage it without it affecting his job). And it may be that you need to speak to his manager to deal with inappropriate over sharing, but surely you know that kids moan about all teachers, anyway? What do they say about you to him, or to other colleagues? If you struggle with dieting yourself, are you sure you're not being overly sensitive to the topic? Do you need some books on a skill you don't realise you're lacking in?

The cook books could well have been perceived as passive aggressive, depending on how people normally think of you, whether you consciously meant to helpful or not. Diet, weight and health are very personal so even tho he's moaning about it, doesn't necessarily mean he wanted or needed you to swoop in, 'knowing best' about someone else's health. He's a teacher; he's not stupid. He knows what he needs to do to improve his situation. But it's not that easy.

He IBU to let food talk dominate class time and staff room time. It would do my head in if I worked with him! But...
You ABU to try and shut him up in this way.