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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Got bullied at school due to body odour ! Felt so ashamed

90 replies

gg1234 · 08/10/2018 17:24

Hello all
I recently joined a school as a Volunteer and I have never had any complaints of body of our from my past experiences in any firm .it was just 2 weeks that I was invited for a school meeting for a very sensitive issue .the lady told me I suspect her to be the manager that some coworker in the class has serious issues because of my body odour and I was told to go home for a while .i was really shocked I had bath in the morning and all the daily routine .am I being unreasonable for expecting the colleague to come back to me rather than putting it in the management .my partner asked me to just leave and come back home and never go again .it was extremely embarrassing and in such a situation can anything be done or anyone be questioned.

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 08/10/2018 17:26

Do you smell? People become accustomed to smells. What dies your partner say?

donajimena · 08/10/2018 17:28

Oh you poor thing. Do you actually suffer or was she just being nasty?

Notacluewhatthisis · 08/10/2018 17:28

I am sorry you experienced this.

But it's not bullying and most people would think the colleague was right to speak to Managment, rather than direct to you.

Did they ask you to go home and wash?

MarklahMarklah · 08/10/2018 17:31

I can see why you're upset but this isn't what I'd understand to be bullying. Was it a meeting with many people or just your manager?
I know that today I'm somewhat whiffy as I've been moving furniture around in a very hot apartment. I had a shower this morning, used deodorant etc but right now, I need to go and wash again.
I know that some fabrics can 'hang on' to smells, and some fabrics can make people sweat more. And certain foods can be smelled on the body after eating.
I agree that this must have been embarrassing. It would also have been embarrassing for the person mentioning it to the manager, and for the manager mentioning it to you.

I don't know that anyone can be questioned.

Jlynhope · 08/10/2018 17:31

That's awful. How close were you even working that this person could possibly smell you? Could it be the perfume or deodorant you were wearing? Do you know the other volunteer well?

Piffpaffpoff · 08/10/2018 17:32

I think your title is slightly disingenuous - you’ve not been bullied, someone has spoken to you in an adult way about an issue with your volunteering.

It’s a very embarrassing conversation. To be on either side of. Now you need to ask yourself if you do smell and be honest with yourself about the answer. If you do, there are simple things you can do to solve it.

MrsStrowman · 08/10/2018 17:32

Sometimes I think it can be hormonal, I'm. pregnant, shower twice daily and use mitchum string deodorant I need a top up spray in the afternoon and carry baby wipes to freshen up. Pre pregnancy I could forget to put deodorant on and be fine all day. DM said she experienced similar during her menopause.
I think the colleague was right to go to management it means she didn't want to upset you, if she didn't care she would've said something blunt to your face.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 08/10/2018 17:32

Do you change clothes regularly? FIL showers daily but puts on the same clothes again, so still has a bit of a whiff about him.

Or, maybe you eat strong smelling food, which can make people smell a bit more strongly than they realise (and persists beyond washing).

The person who complained was probably embarrassed and thought it would be less awkward to go to their manager than direct to you.

It wasn't really bullying, it was someone trying to raise something that is causing a concern to them. It is pretty unpleasant having to work with someone who appears to have poor personal hygiene. I know you say you bathed, but they don't know that, they just have BO to contend with.

user1483387154 · 08/10/2018 17:33

You were not bullied in any way shape or form . You were simply told about your body odour problem so you can do something about it

MrsStrowman · 08/10/2018 17:34

Also could it be your clothes rather than you? Are they not drying quickly enough and taking on that damp smell perhaps?

DeadCertain · 08/10/2018 17:37

It's mortifying but at least someone was open and honest with you; now you know there's an issue you can address it. Better than remaining ignorant about it.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2018 17:38

This isn't bullying op. I'm sorry. Not unless you're sure there is no issue.however if they wished to get rid of you that could, they don't have to do this.

If the manager has upheld it it would seem there is a problem. If the colleague didn't want to tell you direct this is fine.

As such, maybe address the issue, clean clothes, deodorant, regular baths or showers, or potentially see a doctor if there is a deeper issue.

Hidillyho · 08/10/2018 17:39

Do you have someone (other than your partner) that would tell you if you smelt or not?
There could be many reasons for it. Not letting clothes dry properly or leaving them in the washing machine too long or not washing them if they have been rained on whilst hanging out to dry can all make clothes smell pretty bad. Some clothes (usually polo shirt type material) can hold smells that are impossible to wash out and will smell soon after wearing them.

I agree with others, this doesn’t constitute as bullying and most people would go to their manager to have awkward conversations with people. It’s a rubbish part of the job and most do not get kicks out of having to speak to someone about such a thing.

Would you rather people just left you to smell (if you do) and talk about you behind your back?

OliviaStabler · 08/10/2018 17:39

Your colleague clearly couldn't tell you directly so did the correct thing and raised it with management to have a quiet word.

Is there a reason you believe this was malicious? I've known people to complain privately about someone's BO but could not say it to their face.

skippy67 · 08/10/2018 17:41

You weren't bullied. I understand you're feeling embarrassed, but don't call it bullying.

user838383 · 08/10/2018 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntBeastie · 08/10/2018 17:42

I completely understand why this would be embarrasing but I don’t think raising the issue in a confidential meeting constitutes bullying. It was probably the best way of dealing with it.

Have you checked all the usual things - clothes definitely clean, bra regularly washed, t-shirts not reworn, deodorant working for you, teeth and tongue really clean etc? If there are definitely no areas for improvement there it may just have been one bad day. But I think it’s easy not to realise body odour on yourself, so I’d just have a check that everything is being done.

Dollymixture22 · 08/10/2018 17:42

It’s not bullying, but I agree it’s embarrassing and I am not sure I could have very go back.

Take a beat, think about this. You are bathing every morning, are your clothes clean every day? Can you ask a trusted friend or family member if they notice an odour? Do you need to change deodorant? Or maybe there is a medical issue that needs checked out.

It is cruel and nasty if there isn’t an odour, but double check.

MrsCar · 08/10/2018 17:42

Tricky one.
I know that I had an awful issue myself with BO, until I discovered Mitchum (recommended on here).
I used to shower every morning, wear anti p, and I'd still sweat and smell myself throughout the day Sad

Which has made me wonder how you wouldn't realise that you smell, or that your partner wouldn't tell you?

lifebegins50 · 08/10/2018 17:44

I am sorry as it must have been embarassing. Do you think the manager also agreed as she told you to go home, which is quite extreme, normally it might be a quiet word to highlight it to you.

I have worked with someone with this issue and it usually has to be bad for it to be escalated

SaucyJack · 08/10/2018 17:45

It’s impossible to say if you’re being bullied without having ever met (and smelt) you.

Are you in a good routine with your personal hygiene? Including hair? Do you have certain lifestyle choices that would make you smell- I.e smoking or drinking heavily? Have you got a dog? Do you wash and dry clothes properly, and change them regularly?

Some people do smell, and it isn’t nice to be around them. It isn’t bullying to have a quiet word if there’s a genuine problem.

Urbanbeetler · 08/10/2018 17:46

So you live in a home where someone smokes? It could be that perhaps if you are showering daily, wearing deodorant and drying your clothes quickly in fresh air.

PorkFlute · 08/10/2018 17:46

I would imagine there is an issue if you’ve been approached about it officially. The manager either agrees or another member of staff does.
It doesn’t sound like you have poor hygiene assuming you wash your clothes regularly but some people get BO more strongly than others.
I would wash with soap in the shower and use a long lasting deodorant. Also make sure your clothes are washed on a high enough temp to get rid of armpit smells thoroughly.
It is embrassing and I’d be inclined to agree with your dp. I think I’d have to make my excuses and volunteer at a different school. Not a nice thing to be told but in the long run at least you know and can sort it.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2018 17:47

It's very unlikely a manger would take this conversation with a new volunteer and send them home op, if it wasn't true, then the manager woild have dealt with the colleague and not taken it up with you.

I think the way forward is not to think about getting something done about them, or calling it bullying, but to address the issue.

It really is better to be told than to have people shy away from you and discuss it behind your back.

Original poster
gg1234 · 08/10/2018 17:49

Thank you ladies .you have been kind to pour in your thoughts .yes it may not be a bully but honestly I was very upset and embarrassed today .i don’t have the courage to go back but yes I know I have to be very mindful about my body odour now

OP posts: