Got bullied at school due to body odour ! Felt so ashamed

[gg1234]

Hello all
I recently joined a school as a Volunteer and I have never had any complaints of body of our from my past experiences in any firm .it was just 2 weeks that I was invited for a school meeting for a very sensitive issue .the lady told me I suspect her to be the manager that some coworker in the class has serious issues because of my body odour and I was told to go home for a while .i was really shocked I had bath in the morning and all the daily routine .am I being unreasonable for expecting the colleague to come back to me rather than putting it in the management .my partner asked me to just leave and come back home and never go again .it was extremely embarrassing and in such a situation can anything be done or anyone be questioned.

I use perspirex when i go to they gym and can't reccomend it enough. Im ok day to day but when doing strenuous exercise i stink within minuets. Have a shower and put it on. It has no smell at all and stops me from smelling even when sweat is pouring off me!
I used to use the same deodorant every day and they changed an ingredient, it made me smell worse. It seemed to react with my skin and make me smell of bo when i was clean and non sweaty!

Sorry @gg1234 but you’re having a bit of a pity party in your latest post. Yes I can imagine that the conversation was embarrassing and shocking to you, but frankly not emitting strong odours should be something you aim for EVERYDAY. It doesn’t matter if you’re going to work, a special event or just your volunteering placement. If I wake up late or just can’t be bothered to make an effort with my hair/outfit/makeup, I will always endeavour to shower, wash face, brush teeth and put on clean clothes. Your latest post makes it sounds like you think that these basic actions are too much effort, which is really sad. Volunteering doesn’t mean roll out of bed and throw on unwashed clothes or be ‘bummy’, you should treat your getting ready routine as you would for everything else. Maybe this is a symptom of mild depression? Self care is self love after all, and if you do feel like skipping basic hygiene some days this could be a sign. Hope you feel better soon

Sorry but I am not having a pity party here. I JUST FELT VERY BAD and I expressed it here. BUT as I said I expected my colleagues to just inform me before they expected the thing to go to management. @Hannnnnnxo I don't really think that daily chores are an effort. Trust me. Thank you so much, at the moment I am not depressed.

Going to management was simply the correct, professional course of action though. It’s part of line managers’ role to deal with this kind of stuff.

Don’t be put off the placement.

It's interesting you use the word "chores" there.

I think though everyone understands why you feel bad 💐

The thing is op, if it's true, management would already have known. And it would also have been awful for the manager, it's not a conversation any two people wish to have. But bear in mind rhe colleague did the right thing in letting a manager deal with the issue.

It's not just a conversation the colleague wouldn't want to take, but more than that, there is no way to know how you'd react, even with the manager you took the route this might be bullying and wanted to know if there was some way you could escalate it and have people questioned about it.

If the colleague had done it I doubt you'd have felt any better, but the whole situation could have escalated if you'd also seen that as bullying also and wished the colleague questioned.

In this instance she did the right thing.

Have lost sympathy now that I have read the wording of your latest post.

From now on OP, here are your daily "chores" (aka what every other fucker does):

shower every morning with soap / shower gel
wear anti persperant (not just 'deoderant)
wear light perfume, not too strong
shave your armpits at least once a week
wash your hair every second day
stop smoking (if you do)
eat chewing gum
brush teeth and hair
wash clothes daily and iron a little each day.
wear fresh clothes to work
avoid smelly foods that can linger on your clothes, especially if you dont open windows
keep your house clean - smelly house = smelly person

It's not that hard. it's not a chore.

I expected my colleagues to just inform me

It is the correct procedure to go to management. Imagine if the colleague had been rude and insulting when they told you directly, that would have been far worse for all concerned. Better that the manager had a private word. Mortifying for you but better all round.

Sometimes I should have this conversation with the young people I work with and I hate it. I always try to get other people to do it. I find it massively embarrassing and uncomfortable.

I know some of my colleagues are irritated I shirk the job but I am crippled with embarrassment. I deliver sex ed, talk about all kinds of issues and have no problems but telling people they smell is more than I can stand.

The colleague probably couldn't face doing it and so got the manager to do it. She possibly should have told you but we aren't all brave enough to have the conversation.

If how you smell is significantly noticeable over the “atmosphere” in a classroom, presumably with 30+ children, on a warm day, then there must be an issue.

To be sent home, as opposed to the manager having a word with you at the end of the day, indicates it was pretty bad. Or did they suspect they could smell drink, drugs or an allergen like nuts on you?

I have issues with body odour since I had an operation to remove a large cyst from my right breast at 19 yo (I’m now 30) and the sweat glands haven’t been right since, it’s mortifying and despite explaining this when necessary it never gets any easier. When pregnant I would sweat constantly from my right armpit and yeah, I would end up stinking even after showering, using deodorants and antiperspirants I would get halfway through my day and I’d be a mess.

I think that a lot of people would be upset to hear this from management but consider the colleagues perspective, it’s clearly a difficult and awkward conversation and so raising it with you personally could go very wrong. I don’t think you’ve been bullied as the colleague has dealt with it on their side as professionally as they could think of (bullying would be not reporting it and badmouthing you to other colleagues - this happened to me).

The best thing I can suggest (if you’re not sensitive to anti-bacterial wipes/sanitisers) is to carry some with you and use that whenever you might feel a bit less than fresh. BO is caused by the bacteria so by using anti-bac it can go a long way to helping ease the issue (providing it’s not in a sensitive area ahem)

I’m not saying you do smell OP, but being told about Body Odour can leave you feeling paranoid - I grew up with chain smoking grandparents and so would go to school stinking of cigarettes and so I was always the smelly kid and I’ve never recovered fully from the paranoia that I might/do smell! Also if you’re currently pregnant your hormones can do crazy stuff to the way you smell - pregnancy is so glamorous :’)

Thank you KellyW88 I really appreciate the way you have explained me things.Thank you others as well .

You weren’t bullied, which you have acknowledged.

I know it is unpleasant to have it raised. Believe me when I say she won’t have enjoyed raising it either. I’ve had to do it a few times with colleagues and it is too curlingly awful all round.

*toe

Hi OP.

It would have been an unplesant and embarrassing conversation for both of you and I can understand why you are hurt.

However, try to see it as a positive, that someone was able to have that conversation with you. Personally I'd rather be told there was an issue than be oblivious to it and have other people talking about it. At least you can now think about whether there is sonething you need to address.

Everyone smells at some point. People who say they don't, are kidding themselves. It's just a case of being aware of times when your normal routine isn't working for you. I'm a right sweaty betty. In my previous job, the office would get stupidly hot so I would regularly have to have an underarm wash and change my blouse at lunch to prevent any social awkwardness!

It also took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that once certain fabrics get stinky, it's really difficult to get that stink out. Even if it smells fine after washing, it won't after wearing it for a short time.