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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..... to think DS sch is being OTT on behaviour policy here....

75 replies

QueenieBae123 · 08/10/2018 10:07

During indoor play, a child is hiding in storage cupboard... and they have sent a letter home. I have had a few of these but this one....just that really.....

..... to think DS sch is being OTT on behaviour policy here....
OP posts:
WhenIWasAYoungWarthog · 08/10/2018 10:10

I don’t know, it’s fairly basic that kids aren’t allowed into the storage cupboards without permission. If they were properly hiding in there, rather than coming out as soon as they realised they were being looked for, then that’s pretty naughty. How old is the child?

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/10/2018 10:11

How old is the child?

Sounds like they need some kind if quiet place/den set up if he's seeking out hiding places

Original poster
QueenieBae123 · 08/10/2018 10:16

He is 9 .....I mean i thought they could just speak to him about it but to send communication home about it....

OP posts:
IStandWithPosie · 08/10/2018 10:17

At a guess I would say indoor play =loud, unstructured, overwhelming for some kids. Cupboard was probably an escape. I would take this as an opportunity to speak with teacher and ask how DC is normal during free play and whether they would benefit from being allowed to go to a quiet corner.

Aprilislonggone · 08/10/2018 10:18

I got a phone call home about ds's bullying...
He is 14 and had moved a friend's bag from under his desk to the back of the class.
Bullying apparently.
Confused

IStandWithPosie · 08/10/2018 10:18

At 9 unless he was deliberately being naughty (was he?) then there is definitely something that needs addressed about him hiding in the cupboard. Could he be being picked on?

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/10/2018 10:19

The 9 is old enough to mow better than to do that.

However I guess it depends on the reason..If he struggles with the noise/over stimulation then a conversation would possibly be more productive. And a a quiet area made use of.

If he was just mucking about then it's fair tbh

Sirzy · 08/10/2018 10:20

A 9 year old should know not to hide in a cupboard. I was expecting you to say it was a 4 year old.

All they are asking is for you to reiterate why it’s a daft thing to do so hardly OTT

RavenWings · 08/10/2018 10:21

Eh no, that's a fairly serious concern for them actually and its good they made you aware of it. If there was a fire/emergency/someone looking for him there would be panic among the staff. They didn't know where he was.

Keeptrudging · 08/10/2018 10:22

There's nothing in the OP to say this child has sensory/special needs. Mainstream class, no additional needs, this is naughtiness. Pupils shouldn't be hiding in storage cupboards which they've almost definitely been told to stay out of. I think the school are quite right to send a letter home.

Bombardier25966 · 08/10/2018 10:22

Would you rather not know your son is misbehaving? What did he say when you spoke to him about it?

IStandWithPosie · 08/10/2018 10:24

this is naughtiness.

You can’t know that. All you know is a 9yo hid in a cupboard during indoor play. He could be getting bullied. He could have fallen out with his friend and wanted to get away from the atmosphere.

Original poster
QueenieBae123 · 08/10/2018 10:24

... not drip feeding but this child has an active support plan in school for a need of a quiet place when he is struggling with his emotions.. however, there is no mention of emotional behaviour with this particular incident. I will take it back and have a discussion with them about it.

Thank you all for your constructive input.....

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 08/10/2018 10:26

The letter says they gave hi man opportunity to change his behaviour so I'd take that as he was told to come out and refused.
They've all likely been told previously not to go in there.
And its a LETTER. Not a beating or detention or a permanent mark on his record of disobedience. It doesn't even sound like he was punished for breaking the rules and disobeying the teacher.

So yeah, yabu

MereDintofPandiculation · 08/10/2018 10:27

He is 14 and had moved a friend's bag from under his desk to the back of the class. Bullying apparently.

The "friend" looks for his bag, can't see it where he put it, panics briefly tat it's been stolen, finds it out of sight at the back of the room.

One-off teasing of good friend who gives as good as he gets, not the best way of showing friendship but not bullying.

The latest in a long line of petty nastinesses to someone who isn't really a friend .. definitely bullying.

RoomOfRequirement · 08/10/2018 10:27

'Not drip feeding' but insert huge drip feed which would absolutely change the situation and peoples views of it

ScottishInSwitzerland · 08/10/2018 10:28

That’s an enormous drip feed.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/10/2018 10:29

Fairly certain that's the definition of drop feeding OP.

What does your son say happened?
Yes ask school if anything else was going on.

However it is still possible he was being naughty.

ShatnersBassoon · 08/10/2018 10:30

What does it matter, that they told you this way? You'd want telling if he'd been in trouble at school I'm sure, and a brief note doesn't require an immediate response like a phone call or asking you in to school for a chat.

I'm sure they're hoping that you will contact them about it, and this note was just a gentle way of kicking that conversation off. You've got time to think about it.

MereDintofPandiculation · 08/10/2018 10:31

Mainstream class, no additional needs, this is naughtiness. I was brought up at a time when children were assumed to be happy, and the concept that they could be unhappy at school just wasn't considered. So any deviant behaviour was considered to be "naughtiness". Long-term, you are more likely to produce an adult who contributes to society by trying to understand their childhood behaviour than by simply dismissing it as naughtiness and punishing it.

MinorRSole · 08/10/2018 10:31

Not drip feeding but that's a huge thing to have missed out in your op. At 9 he may well be starting to recognise the signs of it being too much and take himself off (dd started doing this at a similar age so would disappear to the toilet for 20 minutes)
I think the school does need to look out for things like this, if he's self managing then that's great and should be encouraged so agree a place if he doesn't already have one.

Dd was assigned a place in the library which was perfect for her as nice and quiet anyway but also had headphones if she needed to block out all noise.

Worth having a chat with them

Original poster
QueenieBae123 · 08/10/2018 10:32

guilty as charged... DRIP FEEDING..... this child of mine is no angel.... when we spoke about it he said it absolutely fun....

OP posts:
IStandWithPosie · 08/10/2018 10:32

That’s definitely a drip feed OP! Grin

Speak to the teacher. It’s possible there was someone else in the quiet area and he felt he couldn’t go there.

It’s also possible the quiet area is doubling up as a “time out” spot so he doesn’t have positive feelings about being there. This happened with my DS. Some teachers don’t quite get the point of a quiet area.

MidniteScribbler · 08/10/2018 10:35

Child is hiding, therefore leading to a search being conducted for a missing child, which takes away from teaching time and staff being diverted from other duties.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 08/10/2018 10:40

I would be well Hmm about any notes home telling me to get my child's behaviour in class sorted out.