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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..... to think DS sch is being OTT on behaviour policy here....

75 replies

QueenieBae123 · 08/10/2018 10:07

During indoor play, a child is hiding in storage cupboard... and they have sent a letter home. I have had a few of these but this one....just that really.....

..... to think DS sch is being OTT on behaviour policy here....
OP posts:
Aprilislonggone · 08/10/2018 10:41

Mere the friend saw him move the bag. It was never lost /taken without knowledge, consent no- but hardly bullying.

thecatsthecats · 08/10/2018 10:44

April

I'm not saying your son is a bully, but that's the sort of incident that could absolutely be part of a bullying pattern OR be completely innocent. I wouldn't blame the school if they called it wrongly.

My best friend once made me cry inconsolably with some offhand teasing when another day I might have given as good as I got. I guess your son's friend was just at the end of his tether for whatever reason and this upset him.more than it might have.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/10/2018 10:45

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree so you have no interest in knowing if your junior school child is naughty at school?

TheSteakBakeOfAwesome · 08/10/2018 10:45

Two minute conversation "that was a bloody daft thing to be doing X"... "OK"... "Don't do it again"... job done.

Then chalk it down to school needing to tick the "be seen to be doing stuff" box on paperwork somewhere.

AlexanderHamilton · 08/10/2018 10:48

My Year 7 son got a Saturday detention for hiding in a locker.

He was distraught following a complete sensory meltdown. But the school had refused to acknowledge that he was probably autistic (diagosis finally came 12 monthe later) and hd refused to implement any kind of strategy such as time out pass or safe area to go to when feeling overwhelmed.

Thinking about it dd hd a similar incident but she was treated kindly and sympathitcally.

AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 11:00

If there'd been a fire....

Not nice to think of. Someone could have risked their life to look for him.

Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 11:02

What more do you want them to do? They need a record of the communication with home about unsafe and disruptive behaviour.

Gersemi · 08/10/2018 11:02

Ask them how that made your child "disruptive in class" as stated in the letter.

Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 11:03

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree

Are you one of those parents who thinks they're not responsible for their child during school hours? Are those the hours you're not a parent?

Gersemi · 08/10/2018 11:05

Child is hiding, therefore leading to a search being conducted for a missing child, which takes away from teaching time and staff being diverted from other duties.

What teaching time? It was indoor play. Nothing that saying they had to search, either.

Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 11:07

Gersemi

The child did what they were told not to do, leading to them having to be located again. Is that not enough?

AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 11:07

Gersemi

disruptive
adjective
causing or tending to cause disruption. The child caused disruption. He disrupted the teacher's routine, their plans...their day. Even if it were for only a few minutes.

To disrupt means to cause bother...even in small ways. It doesn't always mean shouting and banging about.

MinorRSole · 08/10/2018 11:09

@Gersemi what purpose would that serve? It looks like a generic letter they use to record behaviour incidents and that's what this was. Arguing semantics with the school and getting annoyed about it does nothing to resolve the situation.

There's no nice way to say "your kid was a little shit today". Trust me I've been the parent on the receiving end often enough!

It's so important to build a good relationship with the school, especially if you have a child with additional needs. If you make everything a battle it just creates a situation where you are at odds. Working together on the small stuff means that when you do have something major you aren't happy about they are far more likely to listen.

Loonoon · 08/10/2018 11:24

The note seems fine. Your reaction seems excessive.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 08/10/2018 11:28

I’d find my eyes rolling at that TBH. Not because I think the child is correct - clearly it wasn’t a great thing to do - but I would expect the Teacher to deal with it appropriately and issue a sanction inline with the behaviour policy.

I’m struggling to think how letters home about minor behaviour incidents could help. I can imagine to some they would become badges of honour.

Gersemi · 08/10/2018 11:34

AjasLipstick

Class:
Noun
1 : a body of students meeting regularly to study the same subject
b : the period during which such a body meets

Play:
Noun
Activity engaged in for enjoyment and recreation, especially by children.

Two different things.

Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 11:35

Ali1cedowntherabbithole

But when the incidents continue and the sanctions get more serious, parents complain they weren't informed when they were in a position to step in. Schools make a judgement call to inform parents. What the parents do about it is obviously up to them.

Keeptrudging · 08/10/2018 11:37

MereDintofPandiculation are you trying to tell me a child can't simply do something naughty for the sake of it? In my post I did mention sensory/additional needs (pre massive drip feed). I've been teaching for slmost 20 years. Children thinking it's funny to hide in a cupboard during playtime is not unusual. I once had a pupil hide in one of the higher-up cupboards in my room then burst out of it (to raucous laughter) while I was asking where he was. I almost fainted, it was hard not to laugh, but there's no doubt in my mind that he was just being a wee monkey!

Keeptrudging · 08/10/2018 11:37

*almost

Original poster
QueenieBae123 · 08/10/2018 11:40

Ali1cedowntherabbithole...

My point exactly... i have even said above that "this child of mine is no angel"....... Teachers could spend their valuable time and resources better i think.

OP posts:
Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 11:41

"no angel" - evidently not.

They are keeping a paper trail, OP, so you can't moan that they didn't tell you when they move to sanction your child. Step up and stop abdicating your responsibility to the school or you'll find yourself with a 14 year old still hiding in cupboards.

Gersemi · 08/10/2018 11:42

The child did what they were told not to do, leading to them having to be located again. Is that not enough?

Since my response related specifically to a claim that the child was taking away from teaching time, how is that relevant, Thisreallyisafarce?

Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 11:47

Gersemi

You asked how their behaviour was "disruptive". That was when I replied to you.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 08/10/2018 11:47

One of my 15 year old pupils hid in a cupboard in my classroom so that when I opened the door I jumped a mile. He was nearly 6 foot tall and it was a low cupboard he'd laid down in. Gave him a half hearted bollocking while pissing myself laughing.

Another kid - not in my class - hid in the walk in cupboard in my room and strolled out twenty minutes into the lesson, gave a casual wave and went back to his own group. Again, pissed myself laughing.

Thatstheendofmytether · 08/10/2018 11:50

Sounds like they have spoke to him and he hasn't listened?