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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me if I'm too sensitive!

92 replies

mermaid30 · 07/10/2018 23:17

So yesterday was the anniversary of my dads death. Hes been gone 8 years :-( My boyfriend went out with his mates on the evening. He wouldnt have even thought about changing it. But yesterday he bought me some chocolate and alcohol which was nice of him and then he said today he was going to treat me to Sunday roast. I was really happy that he was going to treat me.

So today we went and had carvery. The bill came and he only put half the money on the table. I asked if i was paying for myself then - he said yes. So i did.

I was so hurt and upset.

On our 1 year anniversary meal in June he told me he was treating me and when the woman came to take our payment he told me to pay my half. I was so upset then, it took me right back.

He earns more than me but I pay for way more things. Days out, meals out, weekends away - he's never ever taken me on a weekend away!!!
I dont mind, its not a competition but when he says hes treating me and doesn't I feel so so angry and hurt.

AIBU??

I told him to go home when we got back to mine and he did. He was going home today anyway ..... because in his words he had loads of washing to do 🙄 .... but in the week he'll manage to see his best friend religiously and his mother. Id he needs to do anything, its time with me that he foregoes.

What do I do?!?!

OP posts:
Sethis · 07/10/2018 23:48

I'm curious about what the responses would be if this was a man complaining that his DP never took him away for weekends, or paid for his meals. Just as a little thought experiment. I'm pretty sure he'd be told to STFU or grow a spine in short order.

OP; if he doesn't make you feel valued, and he doesn't make you feel special, day to day, then he probably isn't the one. A good partner does that for you.

However if he's otherwise a lovely guy who's just a bit sharp about 50-50 bill splitting then have a chat with him about it. He could have had a bad experience with an Ex where she expected him to pay for everything and he doesn't want it to happen again. Maybe he thinks he's being modern and progressive. Maybe he doesn't even really think it's as important as you do, and doesn't realise that it means so much to you. The only way to find out is to chat about it. If that doesn't work then sure, consider whether you want to stay with him, just realise that a lot of guys don't twig this kind of stuff intuitively. It's not about "teaching someone to be a decent person" it's about making sure you're both on the same page when it comes to stuff like this.

Original poster
mermaid30 · 07/10/2018 23:49

Thank you all so much.

I know hes mean and selfish and im not going to put up with it. Im not going to see him for a couple of weeks - I need breathing space and thinking space.
But i will do what @sethis said and talk to him but im so angry right now it wont be until next week at the earliest.

Where are all the amazing men 😭 i only ever get idiots!!

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 07/10/2018 23:51

Bin him off. A man who is constantly boring on about how he 'won't be taken advantage of' is a man who doesn't like women very much. He'll get worse, not better.

ButchyRestingFace · 07/10/2018 23:53

Have you asked him why he says he's going to treat you and then doesn't?

Dontfeellikeamillenial · 07/10/2018 23:55

I'd get some distance and find another bloke

Elephant14 · 07/10/2018 23:55

I suppose ask yourself "is this what my Dad would want for me" - ?

Then dump him quick.

Dontfeellikeamillenial · 07/10/2018 23:56

Being taken advantage of?

Honestly, he should be so lucky

Original poster
mermaid30 · 07/10/2018 23:56

Yes, I asked. He said he forgot. I said i didn't believe him and he apologised for not being perfect!!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 07/10/2018 23:59

It's really not about not about being unable to go 50/50. It's about him saying he'll treat you when he wasn't treating you.

What's his definition of treating you? Are you meant to be overjoyed with the pleasure of his company?

If I tell someone I'm treating them then it means I'm paying. That's not hard to understand.

Ellie56 · 08/10/2018 00:00

He sounds a waste of space and tight with it.Tightness is not an attractive trait in anybody.

I would bin him.

SandyY2K · 08/10/2018 00:01

he apologised for not being perfect!!

That's him trying to make you feel bad.

ButchyRestingFace · 08/10/2018 00:04

Yes, I asked. He said he forgot. I said i didn't believe him and he apologised for not being perfect!!

He doesn’t sound great, OP. He sounds like a huffy, manipulative wee skinflint, in fact.

Only you know whether the good makes up for the bad.

Original poster
mermaid30 · 08/10/2018 00:04

@sandy i know right.....

But how can U forget you said that anyway?!

His mom still makes his bed and irons his shirts so now he'll have more time on his hands this week to see her etc won't he 😂

OP posts:
SerenDippyEggs · 08/10/2018 00:10

I reaaaally didn't want to throw in a LTB.. but I'm going to! What a selfish prick. You deserve better, and I think you know it. Thanks

tictac86 · 08/10/2018 00:14

Yep get out now dont waste your life with a selfish person

zzzzz · 08/10/2018 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 08/10/2018 00:15

Hi OP he doesn't sound very nice to you, if he doesn't make you happy then re-evaluate.

I also wonder if you would like kids, if so, what kind of dad do you think he is going to make?

He's not prioritizing you at the moment, will he want to marry and have kids or will you be down the line of people who he needs to see.

Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 08/10/2018 00:15

(I'm assuming marriage and kids may be somethings you want, they may not be!) Thanks

Candlelights2345 · 08/10/2018 00:22

he's treating himself to a meal out and brought you along for company

This 100%^^
Keep remembering this OP Flowers. Forgot he want treating you - my arse!!

Rebecca36 · 08/10/2018 00:26

Ditch him! He's mean in the extreme.

EK36 · 08/10/2018 00:26

Remember you can't meet the right man while you're still with him. Bin him off. You can do alot better.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/10/2018 00:50

At least you can just bin him: you don't have kids, or a shared home. You'll barely notice he's gone - you'll just feel happier.

Singlenotsingle · 08/10/2018 00:55

No one likes a tightarse
LTB.

Mother196 · 08/10/2018 03:16

My treat? The cheeky basted! Honestly would get rid of him since he clearly has no respect, and I don't think he's doing his washing do you really believe that line? Don't buy it Hun, he's an asshole get rid of him.

PanchoBarnes · 08/10/2018 03:19

...without RTWFT....
he needs to learn what the word "treat" means.

The choccy and Gin was nice, but, well, he didn't 'treat' you to those dinners, as he had said he would.

Overall, he sounds boorish and selfish.
And going "halfsies" even when you share a home and children together, is absurd, imo.
Of course that's his right to be so, if he chooses - but it's a good thing he's showing you now, so that you know what you're getting into.

It won't be getting any better.

OK, I was really trying my best, but nevermind --
-- frankly, he's a dickhead.

Sorry you lost your Dad so young.
What do you suppose your Dad would think about BF, and how he treats you?

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