To compare yourself to others?

[LovingJackD]

Let's be totally honest.

Do you ever feel inadequate or bitter looking at what other people have achieved either through sheer luck or hard work? Or do you view life as your own separate journey and not let it affect you? If someone has a house paid for them in cash by their parents and they never have to worry about a mortgage, if they meet the love of their life before they hit 20, if they have shiny long hair and you don't. Etc etc.

It's just Saturday afternoon and I fancy a new thread. Be honest... do you envy others?

Sorry I meant to put this in chat not AIBU!

I'll be honest and say I do, maybe not envy so much but sometimes it feels everyone else does things effortlessly and it can be a struggle for me and DH. Things like having enough money to have lots of savings, going out a lot etc. But most people I know with lots of savings either still live with parents or don't have any children. Much rather have our own space and our DDs.
Interestingly one of my friends said recently she thinks I have my life sorted and appear very put together! Doesn't feel this way to me

All the time if I’m honest. That quote I see on here often is so apt for me...comparison is the thief of joy! I work with a lot of people who are wealthier, more middle class, better educated than me and I can’t help but feel inferior to them.
I believe lots of people feel like I do but it’s very taboo to talk about it.

All the time, and I get so annoyed with myself for it. Lately I’m particularly preoccupied with not being where I had planned to be at this point in my life. I get so envious of those who are, or who are where I had planned to be by my late 30s.

I also now have a boss that’s younger than me which makes me disappointed in myself. That’s the first time it’s happened, although I do have staff that are older than I am. I really wish I could get over it because I’m 100% aware I am being unreasonable but can’t shake it off!

Yes, particularly those with large financial help from parents or inheritance. But I don't dwell on it as actually I'm very lucky and have lots of things that others don't.

All the time although I try really hard to focus on what's good in my life

Sometimes I can't help myself

It was my birthday last week and I came home from work and just sobbed until bedtime over how shite my life is

I know that we can't tell what's going on in others lives but when you e had to do everything yourself it's hard not to feel some resentment

I once heard the saying comparison is the thief of joy and it resonated with me. It is too easy to feel envy so I have to work hard to remind myself regardless of what is going on, good or bad, in someone else' life, it isn't my life. I can live my own life. This is main reason why I do not actively use FB or instagram anymore.

sorry meant to say I can only live my own life.

I also came off Facebook years ago. I very quickly realised how detrimental it was to my self esteem and mental health. In fact I’m not on any social media except WhatsApp and that’s only friends and family. I’m a lot better for it. I’d recommend anyone suffering by making constant comparisons to do the same!

I went to private school on a scholarship. I was surrounded by very wealthy students, children of footballers, judges etc. I made a conscious decision at 11 not to be jealous. I knew if I was, I'd hate school, resent my parents and make no friends. It was probably the best lesson I learnt there. It made me appreciate the important things, and I hope i still do. That said, the long shiny hair thing does make me jealous!

Be honest... do you envy others?

No. To put it bluntly

I honestly believe comparison is the thief of joy. I am happy for others and do not compare. I used to in my teens as my DM has envy.

I sometimes feel sad in myself in comparison to what others have. I have some neuro issues that have held me back, influenced bad choices. My siblings and friends have mostly done well. I am happy for them, sometimes sad for me.

I’m in my forties now OP and generally don’t waste much time envying others. I occasionally envy my friends/acquaintances who work part time (I’m FT), have Big gardens or DHs who help a lot at home. But I know I am very fortunate in what I have. I work in a job where I meet people who have very little and it’s pretty humbling. I also try to think as a Christian (not that I’m a very good one) so that I know these are not the important things in life. When I was much younger I had an eating disorder, a screwed up outlook and lacked confidence. I really envied skinny girls and thought being a size 8 would obliterate any negativity from life. I also envied people who could afford to go shopping for new clothes on a Saturday, go on foreign holidays, buy all the course books they needed when they needed them, eat food from M&S. I am much happier and less envious now (though usually still on a diet to keep within a healthy BMI only). Life is too short to envy others!

I truly feel blessed in life despite having a life threatening and limiting condition. Comparison really is the thief of joy. I don't envy anyone. I've been so fortunate in almost every other aspect of my life being poorly gives me perspective and I no longer sweat the small stuff.

Not really, no.

It helps that I have a friend who seems resentful and jealous most of the time and while I love her to bits it’s her worst trait and a regular reminder that it’s healthier to celebrate good things happening to other people than to be bitter about it. She has loads of things others would/could envy and she’s perpetually ungrateful and takes it personally when people have happy life events, I don’t honestly have a clue why.

I don’t know how others see my life, it’s far from perfect but it works for me. And I have long shiny hair btw but also dimples on my arse so remember no one’s got it all

Yes. I envy perfect birth, perfect bonding, perfect relationship, mr who idolises, size 10, thick hair and fab career with lots of friends and hobbies.
But I'm lucky in lots of ways.

All the time - I wish I didn’t
Comparison is definitely the thief of joy
I try not to and also do positive talking to myself
As a close friend reminds me I need to celebrate how far I’ve come
I’ve had a pretty shit life and lots of bad luck

I don't feel envy as such, more just wish I was like others. Like I wish I was braver like some people I know. I'm very much a coward despite what people tell me, and although I keep trying to be brave, I fail pretty much every time. I see people who've suffered way worse than me and are do much braver than I am and don't let past experiences stop them. I'd love to be able to do that.

I get the wishing for better opportunities though, like getting a mortgage paid for. That would be nice. But I see people in those lives and I don't like them to be honest, so would never want to be them.

Its hard not to feel envy when you're feeling sad or lonely. There really is always someone worse off.

Though if you're constantly comparing, it is not healthy, visit a hospital, help at a shelter, tap into changing your outlook. I do not have a lot but I appreciate and im happy with my lot.

Sometimes find myself doing it but it makes me feel miserable so I make a real effort not to.

I really try to not compare my life to others. I’m a nurse and have seen some awful suffering, so I always try to consider myself lucky. Despite the fact I’ve been dealt some shit in my 28 years. Everyone’s different. Everyone wants something different from life. I’m quite happy with my tiny house, as long as I have a roof over my head. I’m happy with my scrap heap-worthy car, as it continues gets me from A to B. It then means I get to spend time with my family, which is much more important to me than money or success.

I do. I wish I didn't but I can't seem to help it. I hardly go on FB nowadays because it leaves me feeling shit.

All. The. Time.

But interestingly (to me in a self-analysis way) it's only ever to put myself down. I can't think of a single time I have compared myself as better than my comparisee.

It's a horrible way to behave and I need to learn how not to.

I don't think I've ever felt jealous of an actual person, no.
I sometimes wish my hair was thicker or that I could lose some more weight (more easily) but I don't compare to others.

I don't. I've gotten to a place where I'm content with my lot (pleasant NHS job, lovely grown up children, decent friends, lovely cats, biscuits, shoes etc). If someone else's life is good, then good for them.