To compare yourself to others?

[LovingJackD]

Let's be totally honest.

Do you ever feel inadequate or bitter looking at what other people have achieved either through sheer luck or hard work? Or do you view life as your own separate journey and not let it affect you? If someone has a house paid for them in cash by their parents and they never have to worry about a mortgage, if they meet the love of their life before they hit 20, if they have shiny long hair and you don't. Etc etc.

It's just Saturday afternoon and I fancy a new thread. Be honest... do you envy others?

Sort of. I think good for them. I wish that I had x too.

I did have a bit of a wallow in self pity when I heard some of the parents at school laughing about what a great time they’d had at the pub the previous weekend and what a fab camping weekend they’d had with all their kids. We’ve never hung out or anything but some of their kids are friends with mine yet we’ve never had an invite. I’m a bit of a social wallflower sometimes.

Mind you I’ve got lots of lovely parent friends who I go out for coffee and dinner with so I can’t really complain. We just never do anything at the weekends socially.

And I know some of them are working their arses off to make ends meet. We’ve paid off our mortgage, bought a new car, done up the house and had a fab holiday this year so they might well be envious of me. We’ve only been able to do that because of an inheritance from dh’s parents though, my children don’t have any grandparents now. When I see grandparents picking the kids up from school I am very envious indeed.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I'm quite content with my lot, but strive to better myself... No point comparing myself to anyone except my former self.

I think, despite everything I've done for myself, I envy those who have someone to share. I would love to have someone just put an arm around me

I spend a lot of my downtime in tears

Yes, constantly.

I have a lot going for me, but I always feel I could make more of myself. I’m envious by nature, or maybe it is competitiveness. I’m proud of my successes but always watchful of my weaknesses, and too clued in to where others succeed in those areas. I won’t be satisfied with myself until I have taken on my failings.

Well I look at mine and dh's family and feel thankful that, despite other major challenges, we're financially comfortable.

Well I'm glad it's not just me then!

Sometimes I do. It's not really jealousy. Sometimes it's awe!

I just try and remember how far me and my family have come. I was homeless at 19 and now I have a roof and a bath and a bed. I'm doing well!

I try not to compare. We all make choices based on the information that we have at the time. I could have chosen not to have children and I'd be loaded. I'd have a huge house and fancy holidays for Instagram but instead I have them. My house is now noisy and full of plastic crap. It's not Instagram worthy but it's full of genuine love.

I try to be grateful for what we've got and what we've achieved. And I stay off Facebook and social media. It's all smoke and mirrors.

AmIthatbloodycold I would love to have someone just put an arm around me

I'd say many people would love this. I know I would. I get a couple of hugs a week from friends, but it's not the same as getting a hug from a DP

AmIthatbloodycold

Honestly no. But in my opinion (not necessarily reality) nobody has anything I want that I don’t already have. I’m lucky and have exactly everything I want. Well, I can think of a few things I still want but nothing to be jealous of others having.

I really try not to judge myself by comparing myself to other people and do it much less than I used to, but I still do it almost every day and feel inadequate, unsuccessful, not fit enough or disciplined enough regularly. Reality is I'm doing pretty well in the grand scheme of things, but I always want to be better.

No, I don’t. There are many that have done better and have more than me, but there are many who have less. I don’t own my home but I can buy what I want in the supermarket without having to look at the cost. If I get an unexpecteded bill I have money to pay it. I have money for hobbies, holidays etc. And I know that makes me very lucky nowadays.

The same with looks. I’m average. Would it be nice to be beautiful? Of course! But, if you really look around you, most people aren’t stunning looks wise. My Dsis is very attractive but is she any happier than me? No.

Envy is a pointless emotion. But then I came from a place of having nothing so I appreciate everything I have now.

On the surface I know there is plenty about me that people could be envious of. I am one of the lucky people you mention who had parental help to buy a house and though I have a mortgage I know I have a safety net in my parents - so I will probably never know true financial hardship. I am successful in my career, I'm articulate and I'm not bad looking BUT I have failed relationships behind me, I have anxiety, I overanalyse everything to death, I can't switch off, and I'm worried I'll never have kids which is all I've ever wanted deep down.

I often look at people with a secure happy relationship and think I'd trade everything I have with them in an instant.

What I've realised the longer I've been on this planet is that no one really has it all sorted, and I try to remember that when I catch myself feeling envious or resentful.

I don't ever feel jealous of others.

But I now kick myself over the missed opportunities that I gave away and putting up with a lot of crap and being held back by the relationships that I had.

Like many other Women, of my age (51) I should have done better than I did.

I don’t feel envy. There’s a woman and her husband I quite admire - both high earners, nice family, they both put in time to support school and the clubs their dc attend, they see their parents often, have a nice house, amazing holidays, nice clothes, she treats people the same whether they are the wealthy set from her village or the less well off parents at the sports club, is valued by her company, genuine, not too gossipy, but friendly and puts you at ease, also petite and attractive.

But I realised I admire her but don’t feel envy, or less adequate than her. Because she’s not me, I feel happy with myself, my life progress amd choices (I have had lots of good things in life and I have also worked steadily and hard) and I don’t have the energy or the wish to live life at the pace they do, even though they do it very well and don’t seem exhausted.

95% of the time I’m pretty self consumed and happy in our bubble.
5% of the time, usually when life has dicked us over for the 5 time this year, or not being able to do things because of our SEN child, or not being able to save for a mortgage deposit because we pay so much in rent.
I do remind myself that we are lucky to have our health, our children are lucky to have parents who are in a stable and loving relationship with a roof over our heads and food on the table :) whilst people sometimes have it better, some have it a lot worse

When I was a lot younger I probably did compare and feel envious but I've not been like that for a long time.
I could have done more to get more or been more sensible and had a better lifestyle but I didn't and haven't.
I don't resent what anyone else has got and I wouldn't want to be anyone else. There are things I wish I could do but that's not about anyone else.

I have a close friend I’m very jealous of although I obviously don’t let it consume me. And I try to count my own blessings !

I’m very sensible with money, so his DP and we save a lot. Close Friend and her DH never save a penny but got given their house deposit, and then 10s of K in inheritance a few months later so are able to do things we are having to save really hard for. It’s a really tough pill to swallow sometimes, but that’s life.

I just wrote that and now feel really guilty as I know some people would be jealous to have my life!!