To compare yourself to others?

[LovingJackD]

Let's be totally honest.

Do you ever feel inadequate or bitter looking at what other people have achieved either through sheer luck or hard work? Or do you view life as your own separate journey and not let it affect you? If someone has a house paid for them in cash by their parents and they never have to worry about a mortgage, if they meet the love of their life before they hit 20, if they have shiny long hair and you don't. Etc etc.

It's just Saturday afternoon and I fancy a new thread. Be honest... do you envy others?

Yes and anyone who really, genuinely doesn't is a better person than me because I haven't totally managed to get to that point yet.
But I'm also totally aware of how things are t what they seem. I'm envious of so many people and things.
To remind me not to dwell on it, I think of how so many people would be envious of my life. Happy childhood, met my husband at 22, we both have high paying corporate jobs and a beautiful little girl. We own our house, live in a lovely leafy suburb but can both commute to London and are able to travel lots.

The reality is partly that but it's ALSO: hideous, crippling post-natal depression, anxiety, total imposter syndrome, huge pressure to earn more and not fall behind at work and so on. Still a totally fortunate situation to be in, but it makes me realise that the way I feel about other people is probably the way some people feel about me. And that makes me keep my jealousy in check (most of the time) and realise even if I had the full list of things I think would make my life perfect, the reality wouldn't be that at all. Have to work at this all the time though, it's hard.

@tubbylittletwat that's the way I feel. I'm genuinely pleased for people if I see they're doing well.

The only time I've felt genuine envy was when I was going through health problems and I was desperately envious of those with full health. I'm now back to full health and grateful with what I have.

'If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.'

Just one of the life lessons from the 1920's answer to Sunscreen. Not always hard to follow but definitely good advice.

Sorry, not always EASY to follow! From Desiderata.

I do compare myself to others. Everyone does it at some point surely?! I don't let it get me down though. I look at what I do have in my life and I am grateful for that.

You really do not know what is going on in people's lives and I've lived long enough to see that people I have thought had their shit together and had the perfect life really didn't at all! I've also had people say to me they admire me for things that I feel like I'm barely coping with in my life! So it goes both ways.

I don't compare myself to others at all, I don't see the point. I recognise that others have different situations, some good & some bad. But that doesn't stop me beating myself up - self-confidence is through the floor. I compare myself to what I think I should be.

No. I do berate myself though, for opportunities missed but then, you must make the best of things. But envying others no, I don’t.

Alllll the time and i hate that i do.

I envy all the couples who ive watched get married. Envy those with more money than us, who have parents that do all their childcare, have better jobs, more interesting lives.

Like a pp i never compare myself to those who have less than me. I dont really know why.

I dont have it bad. I am incredibly lucky compared to others, and logically i know this but all of our friends seem to have it better than us.

Facebook etc doesnt help and again logically i know its all bollocks and for show and isnt a realistic picture of peoples everyday life but i still get envious.

When good things happen to people i know though i dont resent it i am happy for them but i do think oh why dont good things happen to me. We seem to have had a run of bad luck recently though so my vision is somewhat clouded.

Sometimes, I don’t own property yet and I feel a bit envious of my friends who do. I also sometimes wish I had perkier boobs like my best friend, or I was as confident as some of my work colleagues, or as smart as my partner.

But it’s all relative. I also have a good job, a loving family, a lovely DP and a pretty decent life. I know on my death bed I’ll be thinking about the time I had my loved ones, not what age I bought a house, or who got to do that big work presentation.

‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’

I don't have negative feelings towards anyone's life. What i do wish is that i could be brave about my own life. Have confidence to make changes. I've got a comfortable life, but it's very insular and could do with shaking up a bit.

I think I envy people's motivation (to be successful or thin etc) but not necessarily them. I consider myself very lucky for the life that I have tbh.

yes, all the time, daily.

i wish i was 9 stone again instead of 11 stone i am now, wish i did not have severe MH problems, wish i didnt have a stutter and could do presentations instead of doing the admin for them (have a masters degree but MH has made it impossible to function well in workplace).

jealous of people with big houses and the bmw cars parked outside thinking it should be me as i've worked hard and done loads of studying.

jealous of pretty, slim well dressed women with sleek smooth hair.

jealous of those with great social lives and actual friends going on spa weekends or a cheeky trip to barcelona etc, i dont even have one regular friend, just people who i'll pop out with for a coffee and then not see for a couple of months.

i try to focus on the great things i do have but i still feel sad i dont have good MH, its robbed a lot of my quality of life.

Sorry, that was a bit serious, good to let it all out though.

A bit...but in general I think the people you think have what you want, are actually thinking the same thing about others! I've realised this as I get older. The person with the 6 figure salary hates her job. The friend who lives right by the beach wants a boyfriend. The girl at work who has everything - one of the most beautiful intelligent and dynamic people I've ever met, lost her mum when she was younger and has serious attachment issues. I generally am happy with my life but I have long term health issues I'd really really love to not have to deal with....not many people know about how much it affects me daily. It is human nature to compare and I have to remind myself of all this.

Yes, to be honest I do a lot. I’m a very bitter and resentful person deep down.

No never, never have, Don't think I ever will. Grew up poor, didn't feel envy then, more I couldn't understand how people could afford those things, have done well as an adult, still don't compare myself to others and have only ever competed with myself.

I don't understand those who do, it brings you nothing but misery.

I often feel jealous/bitter of my husbands ex wife. She's a nasty malicious hypocrite but has managed to marry a very well off man (he's worked hard for it, credit where credits due!) and lives in a mansion while she swans about doing bigger all. Her kids are perfect too (according to fb lol) and we have always paid her maintenance as she jets off on holiday several times a year with her 1000 tiny bikinis...she's still a size 8 after 3 kids.

Still her husband looks like a potato so she's not completely winning 😂😂

Rarely. I used to when I was younger but I'm in my 30s now and happy with my lot.
I'm never going to look like an Instagram model but I have a strong, healthy body and I think I look fine. I'm never going to earn a high salary or live in a big house but I think I'm fortunate to have steady work, and I have my basic needs met. I don't have an active social life (and sometimes would like to), but I have enough imagination and interests to entertain myself, access to books, films, creative hobbies, and a few friends.
Nobody wins at everything - everybody has
areas of their lives that aren't perfect, and that's normal and fine. I've realised as I've gotten older that there are enough good things in the world to go around. Acknowledging and being happy for someone else's 'win' doesn't cost you anything or harm your own 'wins'. And in any case the world doesn't owe us any of the things that we tend to be envious of.
Also, my DM and DH are both very envious people in different ways and honestly it's a bit draining. They both have so much to be thankful for but allow themselves to focus on the areas of their life they don't like, to the detriment of their own happiness. It's a very illogical mindset IMO.

I do and I'm a nightmare for it.

I have everything I ever wanted, a nice partner whom loves me, a house, a decent job, a gorgeous baby but I compare myself to others, and often get myself very stressed about things. I have anxiety which doesn't help and imagine scenarios that haven't happened.

I'm self aware enough to know that I'm bonkers and by comparing myself to others , I'll never be happy- but I just can't help it.

No I don't. You never truly know what anyone else has gone or is going through. Health is everything.

I used to be terrible at this until a friend who I envied admitted she was envious of me! Thought I had a wonderful life and completely had my shit together. This made me realise, while I don't feel I have my shit together, I do have a wonderful life and have many things others would be envious of. So there's no point envying others the things they have. (Doesn't mean I don't sometimes have to pull myself up for doing it. I think it's very normal to compare yourself)

Not routinely, but I had a "Sliding Doors" moment last week - met someone at a conference who shared my birth date and did the same degree as me. She was slim, lived an interesting life with travel and friends, and was just effortlessly cool and lovely. I am none of these things... it made me think about some of the decisions I've made that put me in my current life and wonder how life might have panned out if I'd done things differently.

Mostly I'm happy with my lot - kids, husband, cat, job.

I do about certain things only. I'm autistic and have struggled to make friends and keep them due to a lack of social skills, and I've felt very lonely and isolated as a result. I have really really envied people who strike up conversations and form bonds with skill and ease. I'd watch people and study their interactions in the hope that I could emulate what they did, but I only ever felt more confused and hopeless. Lonliness and sadness make you very vulnerable to horrible feelings like envy, jealousy and resentment. It's a bad place to be.

Yup

Nothing has been easy for me: health, school, friendships, relationships, parenting, work, finances, even hobbies all require more work than most I know.
I value what I have but when compared to dsis for example it's all bit thin.

MattBerry. I have Aspergers too. I know what you mean but with maturity I’ve realised my limitations and just don’t stress about what is impossible for me because MY BRAIN DOESNT WORK THAT WAY.

You’re not alone, though.