Something happened today which upset me and would like to know if others think I or the other people were being unreasonable.
I had my second baby 3 weeks ago. Labour (and the aftermath) with my first baby was extremely difficult and traumatic, whereas this time round the birth was luckily Much quicker and easier (although extremely painful as no time for epidural).
I was out for lunch today with a friend who is 2 weeks from giving birth to her first baby. She’s naturally quite nervous and asked me about the birth this time round as she knows how badly things went last time. So I explained about the experience this time, waters breaking, what contractions felt like, the pain levels, what actual birth felt like etc. We were talking at normal volume (I hate it when people have really loud conversations that everyone else has to listen to and have always been pretty ‘discreet’ in that sense) and I didn’t say anything that I would consider offensive or TMI (on the basis that she wanted the details). The only remotely TMI thing I said was what it felt like when waters broke (that my leggings were soaked through as if I’d stepped under the shower and that I had to get changed several times). I also said that at the moment the baby came out I felt like I was going to be sick as if I was having a reflex sensation at the same time as the contraction.
The people at the next table had been paying their bill when the conversation began (young couple mid/ late 20s). As they stood up to leave the woman said loudly ‘that’s disgusting’ while giving us a dirty look. As they walked past her boyfriend sneered sarcastically ‘enjoy your lunch’ and they walked away.
My friend and I were both so taken aback we didn’t react immediately but when I realised they were talking to us I called after him ‘I’m sorry discussing the process of childbirth offends you’. He threw a dirty look over his shoulder but they continued walking out.
For context we were sitting on an outside roof terrace, there were plenty of conversations going on around us and I couldn’t hear anyone else’s conversation. We certainly weren’t talking loudly, although nor were we whispering since it didn’t occur to us anyone would be listening let alone being mortally offended. I consider myself pretty ‘socially aware’ so to speak, and considerate of how my behaviour could affect those around me. I just genuinely never thought this conversation was an issue.
We were both upset by the incident and I felt like it put a dampener on our meet up. I felt ashamed like I’d been discussing something awful. But at the same time we were also both angry about it because it seemed so unnecessary and passive aggressive. If they really were offended ( and I don’t see what’s shameful about childbirth) they could have said something to us ‘face to face’ so to speak rather than as they were walking away, thus not giving us a chance to respond.
I could understand if we’d been going into graphic detail or talking loudly, but we weren’t. They’d also finished their meal so couldn’t have been put off their food or anything, which at a stretch I suppose I could understand. If they had said something while still at their table i would have apologised for offending them but explained that I didn’t think it was an inappropriate conversation and that perhaps they shouldn’t listen to other people’s conversations.
I would also have probably found it easier to just dismiss the experience if it had been a couple of teenage ‘lads’ saying something like that but I was really surprised a woman made the comment. Maybe that’s not even relevant.
So were we BU to discuss childbirth in public or was their reaction over the top? Prepared to be told I’m in the wrong but as I was quite upset by it I’m interested to hear what other people think.