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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school won’t cut me any slack for double drop offs?

539 replies

Polkadotdash · 05/10/2018 15:48

We moved house in the summer and we’ve ended up with three kids at two different primary schools. I accept that it is what it is and we have to just fit in where there are places. However, after a month of nearly killing myself to drop kids off at both schools, two miles apart who start at exactly the same time, I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children. Neither school will budge. One school has a breakfast club which they’ve suggested I use for £5 a day. £25 per week, nearly £1000 per school year for five mins care (no food required). I can’t afford this.
It’s all been capped off today by one parent (who I don’t know) shouting something at me about the importance of not being late when I was trying to make my four year old run up the hill to school. I can’t put up with this for the next 5 years. What should I do? Should the school be more caring?

OP posts:
Mightymousie · 07/10/2018 09:25

@misshippi as it’s the parents responsibility to get the child in on time, it is completely disgusting to punish the child. There’s barely anytime for children to play as it is in yr 3 and playtime is vital. If my child had playtime taken away by a teacher for my actions, I would make a complaint and possibly remove my child from that class as I wouldn’t want such an unpleasant person making those sort of decisions about and for my child.
You are the kind of judgemental, unsupportive teacher that gives teachers a bad name.
OP has disappeared it seems.

Misshippi · 07/10/2018 09:25

If it is necessary yes.

Misshippi · 07/10/2018 09:32

@Mightymousie

It is the child who sufferers in the end. I would not describe as punishment just the 5 minutes they missed.

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 09:32

Cecily my DC's school would be ringing SS. They have no idea whether your DC's walked all the way by himself or the last 5 minutes. DC under yr6 have to walk into the gates with their parents. If they run on ahead they're told to "wait for Mummy/Daddy" at the gate.

RedSkyLastNight · 07/10/2018 09:45

Everyone seems to be fixating on the 5 minutes.

It's not actually 5 minutes, is it?

The OP states that if everything (school gate opening, traffic, parking) is in alignment she can mad dash between schools in 15 minutes.

So, it's a mad dash (which will leave most children stressed before they start) to be an absolute minimum of 5 minutes late. Then the child has to be signed in, making them (presumably) more than 5 minutes late, and always disrupting the class, and always having to be caught up (making them more stressed). Even if the school were agreeable, this is not sustainable or in any way good for the child.

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 09:46

So, in the OP's situation Mishippi, you'd rather she left her yr3 child at the gate?

SnuggyBuggy · 07/10/2018 09:46

I'm sure primary school children weren't so babied when I was a child. No wonder our children aren't learning resilience.

Misshippi · 07/10/2018 09:50

If op is worried speak to the teacher. I know I would be more than happy to let them in class early x

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 09:50

True Snuggy, but I can't trust my 7yo suspected ADHD child to stand nicely at the gate unsupervised. Or to walk across busy roads safely. He still has a habit of walking along the kerb.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/10/2018 09:52

All kids are different but loads of kids walked to and from school in my day. I also don't remember the parents having to queue up for their children to be released, what a waste of time.

BalloonSlayer · 07/10/2018 09:56

Haven't RTFT but the school can't do anything about late marks. Register has to be taken on time due to safeguarding and teacher can only enter that the child was there or not. When the child arrives they can only enter that they were x minutes late.

When the school staff discuss problem familes re attendance/lateness internally, your DC will crop up as 5 minutes late every day and it will be dismissed with "and we know that's because the siblings are at xx school," and they will move on to discussing someone else. That really is all that will happen.

Try not to worry.

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 10:03

Philomena, things have certainly changed since I left primary school, or even when DS left primary school. But not all schools can be the same. On my way to work, I certainly see some of the tiniest tots without a parent, escorted across a really busy road by the lollypop man. They are definitely below an age that I would find it acceptable but, presumably the school are OK with it.

RockYourSocksOff · 07/10/2018 10:12

How do you manage at pick up? Do you have help after school?

I’ve tried to be sympathetic to your situation but I’m having trouble due to the fact that reading between the lines I don’t think it’s that you can’t afford £5 every day it’s that you begrudge paying it? Would you have begrudged paying your reception dc school meal if they weren’t now free? Deduct the £2.20 (or whatever it is these days) and imagine it’s the remainder you’re paying for breakfast club.

I’ve begrudged paying after school fees for the whole of my Ds primary education but that’s tough isn’t it. I’ve struggled, not been on holiday, had to really tighten our belts. I know it’s hard but you do have choices and I don’t think one of them should be making one of your dc late everyday!

RockYourSocksOff · 07/10/2018 10:16

My Ds would have been mortified being late every day!

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 10:17

I didn't mean you to get a hard time, misshippie, I just didn't understand what you meant by wouldn't accept it. It is nice that you would take in the Y3 but we have to assume that nobody in that school would; and they could not get through the gate to a kind teacher anyway, so you would be the one having to cope with the late child.

Goldenbear · 07/10/2018 10:24

That's an irrational approach to teaching you have there Misshippi- punishing a 7 year old for a choice their parents are making!

It strikes me, that rather than offer any kind of empathy to the OP's predicament, lots of posters are quick to blame her for essentially, let's face it, 'being a mother'.
Having to deal with the lion's share of the care, working with structures in place that don't work for alot of women. Why have we got a situation where breakfast club is free in Wales and in other parts of the UK it is prohibitively expensive- it should be universal. The idea that schools are to be considered as not providing childcare is ludicrous, a vast majority of mothers that work rely on it to be just that. As a society we need structures in place that are accommodating to the realities of being a mother in 2018, the OP doesn't work but has to work with an education system that is inadequate - not enough places for her children in the local school. If better structures were in place, her husband's employer was more flexible for example, it was expected it was his concern to, the OP wouldn't need to pay for the extortionate breakfast club. If the OP had affordable childcare and parental rights were better in this country, perhaps the OP would be back at work.

The whole idea that Mothers are to blame and it is always 'Mothers' not 'Parents', is because having children is only ever seen to be personal choice not anything to do with society, whereas actually children are the taxpayers of the future, contributers to the society we live in, so why are Mothers always told, 'well you decided to have them, it's not society' s problem', a bit like the sentiment running through this thread!

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 10:25

Haven't RTFT but the school can't do anything about late marks. Register has to be taken on time due to safeguarding and teacher can only enter that the child was there or not. When the child arrives they can only enter that they were x minutes late.

Presumably the teacher will still have the register 5 minutes after official start time. She won't be leaving hetr class unattended to deliver it to the office. It is this schools chosen policy to close off the normal entry route to the classroom which is how the late mark arises.

What2donow4 · 07/10/2018 10:31

Not necessarily CecilyP Most schools I know do a electronic register. You start it at 8.50am when the bell goes, it takes about 3 minutes to do the attendance and dinner register, then you have to click save before you shut the program down so you open the next program on your white board so you can show the "start the day" activity.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 07/10/2018 10:33

Why does a late mark matter?

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 10:35

I see, so it is modern technology that that makes any flexibility impossible.

ASauvignonADay · 07/10/2018 10:36

Ignore the late mark - it doesn't matter. If the child is late the register has to be marked accurately, but it isn't necessarily a criticism.

Mishappening · 07/10/2018 10:36

The schools are under the OfSted cloud - their attendance records are scrutinised - they have no choice but to stick by the rules. So your route should be via the ed authority as it is their responsibility for having placed your children at different schools.

Try the ombudsman.

It is all such bollocks - once upon a time schools could have simply been sensible and made decisions about this.

MaisyPops · 07/10/2018 10:37

The idea that schools are to be considered as not providing childcare is ludicrous, a vast majority of mothers that work rely on it to be just that
The point is schools are not childcare any more than universities are or colleges. They are education establishments. They are there to educate, not provide convenient childcare (which is why there is wraparound provision and people end up complaining that they have to get school holiday childcare as if this is an unforeseen part of having school aged children).

Parents have an obligation to sort their childcare out, not the state.

DH's place of work has flexible start times for all workers (parents or not). More workplaces could do that.
The fact some workplaces don't have better set ups, still doesn't mean it's a school's job to provide childcare because someone wants to have it their way.
There was an option for a school to have all 3 children. The OP and her partner chose not to do that.
There is the option to use a breakfast club for one child. The OP doesn't want to do that.
What she wants is for the school to make her family an exception to the rule. That's what people are getting at here. There are choices.

TwistinMyMelon · 07/10/2018 10:39

Surely can't you leave the eldest 2 at their school early and then stay with the youngest I.e the 7 year old a drop them? Junior school kids are old enough to be left for 10 minutes

picklepost · 07/10/2018 10:39

Absurd situation. Nothing is worth this level of stress each pick up time. I'd go with the suggestion of one being late every day.

Where I live children can be dropped to school up to 30mins before class begins and left until 30 mins after it finishes. No fee.