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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school won’t cut me any slack for double drop offs?

539 replies

Polkadotdash · 05/10/2018 15:48

We moved house in the summer and we’ve ended up with three kids at two different primary schools. I accept that it is what it is and we have to just fit in where there are places. However, after a month of nearly killing myself to drop kids off at both schools, two miles apart who start at exactly the same time, I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children. Neither school will budge. One school has a breakfast club which they’ve suggested I use for £5 a day. £25 per week, nearly £1000 per school year for five mins care (no food required). I can’t afford this.
It’s all been capped off today by one parent (who I don’t know) shouting something at me about the importance of not being late when I was trying to make my four year old run up the hill to school. I can’t put up with this for the next 5 years. What should I do? Should the school be more caring?

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 07/10/2018 03:37

It's not the school's getting to decide who gets 5, 10, 15 minutes leeway. Is the child there at school when the roll is marked? No, that means they are late. To say otherwise is falsifying records. How do you know the difference between the OP's child being 5 minutes late or not coming in at all that day? How long should they keep the roll open because the OP chose not to take up the offer of all her children being at the same school? Should they ring her every morning to double check if he's coming or not before they submit the roll?

I have a student who is consistently late every day. His parents tried to tell me that they don't like dealing with the cars around the school and that I shouldn't mark him late and should just send the roll in later. Umm, no. Get your arse out of bed earlier (child has told me that the parents don't set an alarm and just get up whenever they want). He is late everyday, so that is what his attendance record shows, and when I'm asked to explain why he has such a record and why he is making little progress (he has a 68% absence rate so far this year), I'm not going to be the one getting into trouble for falsifying official records. Your job as a parent is to get them to school on time.

shearwater · 07/10/2018 04:11

Why are they so inflexible with drop off times? DD2's school has a breakfast club but you can also just drop them in the playground from 8.30am (school starts at 8.50am) as there is supervision from that time.

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 05:32

My DC's school's like this since academisation. I've no idea why.

PrivateDoor · 07/10/2018 06:31

What a crap situation op Flowers I must admit I am a bit confused about the gates not opening to 0840 bit, I am struggling to picture the set up - how do you get in to the breakfast club? Is the breakfast club run by the school or an outside company outside the grounds? I wonder if you can speak to the staff in it directly to see if they would offer a reduced rate since your child wouldn't actually be eating?

Otherwise, if you really cannot afford to pay for the breakfast club or a CM, then I don't think you have a choice but to carry on as you are. I agree with a pp that you should email the education welfare dept and cc in the two schools and detail the situation and explain that the schools have offered no compromise.

MidniteScribbler · 07/10/2018 06:53

I agree with a pp that you should email the education welfare dept and cc in the two schools and detail the situation and explain that the schools have offered no compromise.

Why? She is perfectly capable of having all her children at the same school, or using the available options for care. The OP was given an offer of all of her children going to the same school. She refused it. This is a situation entirely of her own making, and not the responsibility of the schools to sort out. People need to take some responsibility for their own situations, and stop expecting everyone else to jump through hoops because they refuse a perfectly good offer which would have made this whole thread completely irrelevant. Millions of parents all over the world make arrangements for their children to be at school on time and picked up on time. It's part of parenting - sort your shit out and get your kids to school, even if it means having to look at options that may not be the ideal solution for you. The OP HAS options, she just doesn't want to use them.

Deadbudgie · 07/10/2018 07:15

But this pressure is of your own making. It is important to get children into the habit of being on time. It appears you have two choices here. Firstly move the kids to the school they can all attend or raise the funds, either through working or doing without something else so you can use breakfast club. We often don’t need breakfast club due to DH working hours but we have to pay for it every day cos some days we need it. At the end of the day you chose to move, you chose to have the kids in 2 different schools knowing it wouldn’t work. You’ve chosen to have three kids knowing there’s not even
£5 spare each day (how are you going to afford a school dinner for your youngest when he/she reaches juniors?) it’s not the schools issue. A lot of other parents could probably do with 5minleeway from the school too. At the end of the day you and yourDH have made choices which have put you in this position you and DH have the responsibility to sort them out.

Astrid09 · 07/10/2018 07:32

I feel so lucky living in Wales my son started secondary school in September but before that the breakfast club was free to all pupils and "clwb Gofal (looking after club)" started at 8am and cost 75p only there was also the same club after school till 5.30pm with a meal for 75p as well.
Class started at 8.50am but could drop the kids off after 8.30am and the kids play in or out depending on the weather. Doesn't your kids school open the gates for kids to be dropped off before class starts?
I think Wales have quite a few things better than England we're lucky.😀

Astrid09 · 07/10/2018 07:36

If the schools are split for infants/juniors, the school must open for you to drop kids off before class starts as they know lots of parents will have kids in both. That's the bit that doesn't make sense. I thought all schools open at least 10 minities before class starts.

EPRS · 07/10/2018 07:39

It sounds as if this is very stressful for you and you need a friendly face at the gates to understand how hard this dash is for you. Is there a class WhatsApp group? As you don’t get chance to speak to the other parents at drop off or pick up they won’t know the difficulty that you are in. If you could somehow communicate it with the other parents you may find some support and some suggestions on how to manage it. If you feel uncomfortable speaking out on the group could you have a side conversation with the class rep who may be able to put something out on your behalf. First step is to stop feeling alone in this, which is difficult. There will be local people who will be able to help or have a reasonable suggestion. You just have to put your hand up and say “I need help”. Good luck with it and I hope you find a solution soon.

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 08:07

child has told me that the parents don't set an alarm and just get up whenever they want). He is late everyday, so that is what his attendance record shows, and when I'm asked to explain why he has such a record and why he is making little progress (he has a 68% absence rate so far this year), I'm not going to be the one getting into trouble for falsifying official records. Your job as a parent is to get them to school on time.

But the situation you are describing is nothing like OP’s situation. You you are describing a totally chaotic household. OP is trying her doing the best she can under the circumstances. And surely it is quite unusual for the register to be sent to the office within 5 minutes of start time.

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 08:12

PrivateDoor at our school you have to buzz in at a different gate for the breakfast club.

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 08:17

Millions of parents all over the world make arrangements for their children to be at school on time and picked up on time.

In the rest of the world, it would be quite unusual for siblings to be in 2 different primary schools for lack of room. It is particularly English thing!

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 08:20

That's true Cecily I know a few families with 3 children all in our school.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 07/10/2018 08:27

The oldest child is year 6 - surely they can be left unsupervised in the playground for a bit or even walk some (or all) of the way to school?

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 08:31

Yes, but the gates don't open until 10 minutes before the bell, and the 4yo goes to the same school.

Cancel the fucking cheque.

AlphaBravo · 07/10/2018 08:32

At 7 I was walking a mile to school by myself. Why would 5 minutes at the gate alone be a huge issue for your child?

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/10/2018 08:33

Possibly because school would see it as a safeguarding issue?

Misshippi · 07/10/2018 08:46

Sorry, but as a teacher I would not accept a child in my class being late everyday.

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 08:55

I think things may have changed a bit since you were 7, Alpha, otherwise I think a workable solution might be to drop the Y3 off about 5 minutes from the school, preferably where there are no more busy roads to cross and he walk the last bit of the journey. That seems a better option than him milling around outside the school gate for 5 minutes. That would give OP extra time to get her YR to school on time. Or maybe carry on as they are for the time being and try this when the DC is 8. As OP seems to prefer this junior school, it would make sense to send the younger DC there for Y3, so either way the situation will not continue for 5 years.

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 08:57

In what way, Misshippi?

Misshippi · 07/10/2018 09:01

In a way that I teach yr 3 and I expect parents to be able to get children on time. I mean leave home earlier.

If it were to become a problem the 5 mins would come off the child's playtime.

CecilyP · 07/10/2018 09:05

So, in fact, you do accept it but take it off the child’s playtime!

Misshippi · 07/10/2018 09:07

I have only done it once when a girl was late everyday for a week.

Misshippi · 07/10/2018 09:15

It is the same with homework. Ensure your child does it otherwise they will miss their lunchtime.

Gersemi · 07/10/2018 09:17

You punish children for what their parents do, Misshippi?

Setting homework for Year 3 pupils is utterly pointless.