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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What constitutes a “large family”?

195 replies

LucieMorningstar · 04/10/2018 18:50

Wondering what people believe constitutes a “large family”? More than 3 kids for example?

Just interested really as it’s something I hear a lot, but I’m not talking Radford family size!!

OP posts:
blueskiesandforests · 05/10/2018 15:21

On a related tangent why are 100% of MN children apparently headed to university?

I'd be seriously triple guessing that decision if I were a 6th former now. I went before tuition fees and when some people still got full grants straight out of school. These days it's a mountain of debt or your parents' savings for something that in many cases is heavily devalued because everyone and their dog has a bachelor's degree now...

I'd financially support my children to live frugally (as I did, so a room with a basin and shared bathroom not some ridiculously expensive luxury super dooper deluxe ensuite, a manageable if you're careful amount for food and books but they find their own booze and any other luxuries) at uni. I dont agree with a lot of my parents' parenting decisions but that's what they did and it was right IMO.

What I won't do is encourage them to believe that uni is the only option because it gives me bragging rights. It's often not a pathway to anything special and it's not suited to anything like 50% of the population, yet pretty much anyone can go to university now. Many kids would do better doing something more vocational. I'm not deluded or snobbish or narcissistic enough to push my kids towards uni if it's not right for them, and I don't anticipate them all choosing to go.

Also I've done my own Brexit and live in a land without tuition fees...

Cobrider · 05/10/2018 15:39

Well I think it is. Am I supposed to feel ashamed of that? Do try not to be a total arse. I’m perfectly happy for you to subsidise your children’s university. To my mind it makes poor financial sense and isn’t ideal but I’m sure some of the things I spend money on would horrify yougrin

I think it’s being a huge arse to say that not topping up your child’s loan (which the government expects you to) makes you a good parent!
I also think your smug approach is going to trip you up one day Grin

BarbarianMum · 05/10/2018 15:57

Well one of my kids wants to be a biomechanical engineer and the other a research chemist so I suspect university will be part of the mix. And if it is, I want them to choose where to study based on the fit if the course/university not it's proximity to home. So damn right we'll be helping w accomodation/living costs if needs be.

I really wanted 3 kids, we have 2. One of the big deciding factors in our family size was being able to see our kids set up in life, be that through university, a business start-up loan or a deposit towards their own home.

blueskiesandforests · 05/10/2018 16:04

Barbarian I'm sure that's right for your kids, but every bugger on MN expects their kid to go to university. If 100% of kids really went most of the degrees would be worthless.

zzzzz · 05/10/2018 16:11

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ineedaholidaynow · 05/10/2018 16:20

The Government expect 50% of young people to go to university, so I assume on average most MN families will have at least one child going. Therefore, I assume any family looking at having children should may be considering how to finance university just in case.

Lonesurvivor · 05/10/2018 16:29

Unfortunately for the benefit of this planet we live on it's not ok for people to keep on having large families. Current population is over 7.6 billion people and growing. There's almost 6 billion people now than there was a century ago.

zzzzz · 05/10/2018 16:31

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rezie · 05/10/2018 16:38

When I was growing up, our family got extra cchild benefits since we had a large family. There were three kids.

I feel like now 4+ would be considered a large family.

CountFosco · 05/10/2018 16:40

I went to University in the 80s and parents were expected to top up living expenses then so I'm amazed people think it's a new fangled thing. I got no grant at all one year so getting a loan to cover half the expenses sounds like an step forward from the parent's viewpoint!

blueskiesandforests · 05/10/2018 16:45

They do ineed but university will only be a sensible choice for half of those 18-22 year olds, if that.

If 50% of people have a degree, only a first from a good uni (one employers think is good) in a traditional achademic subject or a genuine vocational degree will be worth what degrees used to be worth. Most of the 50% will not be graduating with those degrees.

Presumably we're not good little drones sacrificing our individual children to government policy. University isn't going to be the right choice for all those 50% of 18 year olds as individuals. A lot of those degrees are going to be incredibly expensive toilet paper the holders pay back huge loans for, for the next 20+ years.

blueskiesandforests · 05/10/2018 16:48

Count you weren't in £27000 worth of debt just for fees at the end of a 3 year bachelors degree in the 80s presumably? I know that I wasn't in the early 90s, though I did have a student loan for living expenses (they'd just come in) but kids now are.

ineedaholidaynow · 05/10/2018 16:54

Don't a number of jobs now require a degree, when in the past they didn't e.g. nursing?

blueskiesandforests · 05/10/2018 17:04

Nursing yes - vocational, but that's being back tracked upon now and nursing apprenticeships are coming back. Nursing was funded for longer than standard degrees, there have only been fees to pay for a few years. For most people its a fairly low paid job to start with upwards of £27000 of tuition fee debt even if the bank if mum and dad cover all living expenses. Very different to medicine or law where most will earn enough to justify the debt. Nursing candidates might do well to think about routes incurring less debt.

blueskiesandforests · 05/10/2018 17:18

Before someone tells me medicine starts low paid too, I know first year training wages are low but they go up very fast compared to nurses!

CountFosco · 05/10/2018 17:19

Count you weren't in £27000 worth of debt just for fees at the end of a 3 year bachelors degree in the 80s presumably?

The loans are not the same as a bank loan, you only pay it back if you earn over the median salary, and you pay back a set percentage (9%) of your salary over that amount (so on the mean salary of £27K you'll only pay back £450 a year). After 30 years the loan is written off. Most graduates won't repay in full. It doesn't count towards your credit rating. It's not a loan, it's a graduate tax.

BackforGood · 05/10/2018 17:31

Like many others, I think 'large family' kicks in once you go past 4 (maybe because I grew up as on of 4?).

I know zzzz was offended by the question, but I too would be interested in hearing from anyone who has chosen to have more than - say 6 - dc. I can see how it would make you life challenging! Not just financially, but in terms of time and energy. It is fairly unusual, so I don't think it is rude to ask if anyone would mind sharing why they wanted to have that many dc.?

zzzzz · 05/10/2018 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purpleartichoke · 05/10/2018 18:05

More than 2 kids.

Purpleartichoke · 05/10/2018 18:09

We personally view providing a university education no different than providing food or clothing from birth. It’s our job as parents to give our kids the best start in life possible. Money definitely impacts our procreation choices.

Xmasbaby11 · 05/10/2018 18:12

3 or more kids I'd say. Or maybe 4? That's very unusual around here. I have 2 and it feels full and busy enough to me!

E20mom · 05/10/2018 18:17

I'd say 5 or more children

EmperorTomatoRetchup · 05/10/2018 18:17

I guess it is relative. I don't have any and when I visit friends with two, the noise and chaos generated by two leaves me bewildered and exhausted.

PinguDance · 05/10/2018 18:25

I think 4 is large and 5+ is ‘are your parents catholic?’ territory ( I knew a boy who was one of 6 and said he fielded this question approx once a week. -incidentally they weren’t)

DieAntword · 05/10/2018 18:28

I met a guy on a bus who told me he had 99 brothers and sisters. I foolishly asked “are you catholic” (how I imagined it would be possible I don’t know). He (surprise) wasn’t. He was east African and his dad had multiple wives.