What constitutes a “large family”?

[LucieMorningstar]

Wondering what people believe constitutes a “large family”? More than 3 kids for example?

Just interested really as it’s something I hear a lot, but I’m not talking Radford family size!!

4 or more, if you can't fit in a standard car you've got a big family!

I think about four or five. Most people look at me like I've got two heads when I say I've got four children.I think for my area, 2 or 3 children is average.

I think 5+ is big. I know a couple of 4s very well that are extremely committed and organised, and don’t seem like a big family at all because the cogs are oiled so well.

3 is very normal amongst people that I know.

4 or more

One more than I have - so five!!

A friend of mine has five and that seems like a huge family, even though I only have one less child.

I don't think my children want for anything, and their upbringing is slightly different from mine (grammar school not boarding schools for example) but they are all happy, healthy and I don't think we're in the least dysfunctional!

I think 3 is quite large - I only know a few people with 3 where I am and I see the difficulties in terms of cars, rooms in hotels etc. For me I was happy with one and am happy but slightly less on top of things with two - I couldn’t cope with 3 but then I’m not very maternal.

My understanding is that if you go to university the current loan system (in England anyway) doesn't cover all costs, so parents are expected to help out.

So if DS wants to go to university (a few years to go yet) then I assume we will have to help with some living costs.

Agree with racecardriver. When I had one DC I worked F/T and I felt like I was just treading water and I was very time poor and had little left to give to my DS at the end of each working day. Now with 3 DC I work P/T and life is a lot more laid back, I have the time and energy to really enjoy them. Hoping to come out of work with the arrival of number 4. So I think the more kids I've had the more I have been able to give them time and attention.

Saying that I can see how a larger family plus F/T hours would be very stressful and I personally don't think I could do that.

I used to think anything more than 2 but I now have 4 children and my perception has changed! I think 5+.

I agree with ineedaholidaynow.
For example, the rent for DD's boyfriend's hall is more than his maintenance loan (which is baesd on his parents income).

IMO he should get a job because he is taking the piss by drinking huge amounts and sleeping through the odd lecture he bothers to turn up to.

On the other hand the degree DD is planning to do is much more demanding in terms of contact hours and self study that she wouldn't have the time or energy to work, so we will be funding her.

And what about Oxbridge students who aren't allowed to get a job except during the summer break?

And what about Oxbridge students who aren't allowed to get a job except during the summer break?

Do a gap year while living at home and working and save the proceeds. Where there’s a will there’s a way.

The mentality of you're 18 you're on your own is alien to me. I'm from a culture where you want to see the next generation do better so you would be thinking about how you could support your kids when deciding how many to have.

The mentality of you're 18 you're on your own is alien to me. I'm from a culture where you want to see the next generation do better so you would be thinking about how you could support your kids when deciding how many to have.

Bit of a difference between “you’re on your own” and “here’s 50 grand to get yourself an education you’re fully well capable of funding on your own”. They’ll only feel empty inside if they get everything in life handed to them on a silver platter.

Most 18 year olds are capable of a summer job but not a 50K one. I'm not saying it's good to through money at someone but I think if you have taught them to be sensible with money and they have a good plan for how to use it surely you want to help them out.

For me it would be more than two. I suppose if you grow up in a larger family that would be the norm.

If you’ve got a ton of money it might not hurt but it’s not necessary, ceirtainly not a reason to deny other kids you want a chance at a life over. They don’t need to pay for everything upfront because that’s what student loans are for.

I'm glad you're not my mother DieAntworld.

DD is on a gap year, and has just landed herself a job. It won't pay enough to get through 3 years of university, but it is a start. Why would I not want to support DD? Why make it difficult?

If you can't afford it that is a different matter, but we can, so we will subsidise DD.

4+ children.

I'm a single parent, got only one child (through choice) and I work PT school hours. Life runs really smoothly for us. I could not cope with any more for various reasons.

I know a couple with 6 children, they are not wealthy but the DC have everything they need and they are great parents.

I have 3dc and I think one more would make us a 'large family'. Both DH and I work f/t and have commutes of 1hour+ e/w, so life already feels very, very busy and pressured and intense.

Where I am, most people I know have 2 children.

I have 3 and don't think we are a 'large' family but I think others around me do. We hope to ttc number 4 in the next few weeks. I'm already preparing myself for the reactions to this if we're fortunate for things to go as hoped. I suspect most around me believe 4 children is a very large family and that we'd be mad.

(we have a 5 bedroomed house by the way, everyone has their own room but I don't see an issue with children sharing. I think that could be lovely too. If we didn't happen to have the space, I wouldn't think twice about having some of ours share)

I think 5+ is large. DH recently said the same - that (for us) 4 would be fine but that 5 would be overwhelming (I reckon I'd love 5, mind)

I think big families are absolutely gorgeous. I suspect its because I'm an only child from a one parent family. Avril I'd love to hear more about yours. Did you always want so many? how do you make the decision? (we've really struggled with overthinking number 4 because I'm a little scared) are you very naturally organised? and naturally very easy going? Is your house huge? do you drive a bus? Do they all get on?

My parents didn’t pay for me to go (any of the three times I went!) and it reaaaaly wasn’t that bad. I didn’t even get a job, just lived off my loans. Second and third time I lived with them so my living costs were very low and I mostly spent the maintenance portion on electronics. Repayments are based on earnings not loan size.

On the education thing, we absolutely intend to pay for ours to go to Uni. Its one of the factors when we've been family planning. Maybe its because we're in Ireland and its different here? I just thought it was a given that we'd educated them all to be honest.

One child and 3+ dogs is a large family

I know this isn't a nice thing to say but I've personally never seen a large non-dysfunctional family, raising lots of children must be really hard.

Hi SnuggyBuggy, we clearly haven’t met! I’m an “ordinary person” and found going from 1 to 2 children the biggest adjustment. Having 3 and 4 dc was no harder than having 2. All 4 were planned (no idea why you’d assume otherwise!) and we are in no way dysfunctional. Do you know many larger families well?

That was one of the things that some of the schoolmates from big families struggled with, that they had less opportunities than their peers and they knew it.