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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being selfish?

71 replies

lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:22

Usually my DH is genuinely the most wonderful man in the world and I couldn't wish for a better husband. However, this week he is getting on my tits.

DS aged 2 and I have only just recovered from a chest infection and now this week I have come down with the flu. I am knackered, we have an 8 week old DD who does not sleep and he works full time. He has a slight cold that he is moaning about non stop which is driving me crazy about in itself but now he has just sent me a text from work saying that tomorrow night him and a few work friends are going out for a few drinks after work.

Usually I wouldn't mind this, but I am so bloody poorly! DS is driving me up the wall, DD won't stop screaming. I was hoping that he would get home at half 6, take the kids from me and just give me the weekend to try and recover. I had a moan to DM about it and she said she would come and stop over Friday night so that I could get a proper nights sleep. Have told DH this is what's happening and he's had a little hissy fit that he wants the weekend to himself etc no visitors since he's had a busy week at work.

I have pointed out that if he comes home straight away then I wouldn't need DM to come and give me a hand but he says he's desperate for a drink with his mates after the week he's had 🙄. He's also said I'm selfish for letting my DM come over as its 'eating into our weekend together'

So, AIBU for letting my DM come over and help out for one night? Or should I just suck it up and go another night with 3 hours sleep? I'm

OP posts:
Groovee · 04/10/2018 17:24

I think he's being unreasonable not you. I had flu and an ear infection when Dd was 3 and ds was 15 weeks old. Dh and MIL did a grand job of looking after me and the children and I was so grateful.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2018 17:24

Your husband is being an absolute twat.

themuttsnutts · 04/10/2018 17:26

No. Yanbu. He is v lucky you're not demanding he stop home

bubbles108 · 04/10/2018 17:27

He sounds vile

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:27

Thank you! I just want to sleeeeeeeeeep

OP posts:
Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:27

@bubbles108 he's actually very lovely, just for some reason he's in a twattish mood this week

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 04/10/2018 17:27

If I was that ill my DH wouldn't even consider drinks regardless of his week at work. He's being a dick.

BubblesBuddy · 04/10/2018 17:28

Well he's not there so it's not eating into the weekend it?

Agree to your DM coming over. It would appear your DH is stressed at the moment and doing the man thing by walking away from home where it is even tougher. Do what you need to do - he will get over it! Perhaps your Mum could cook him a lovely meal? Smooth his ruffled feathers. If you are ill, you wouldn't be going out anyway so I do not imagine your weekend would have been one long romp in the park with him anyway.

BubblesBuddy · 04/10/2018 17:29

weekend is it? that should have read.

Mumminmum · 04/10/2018 17:29

But it is fine that he is letting his trip to the pub in into your weekend together.. ... his more than just a bit selfish here

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:29

@BubblesBuddy work is v stressful at the moment so I know that's what's getting him down. Obvs not talking to me about it though, because he's a man. That sounds like a good idea though, I'll try that!

OP posts:
SomeKnobend · 04/10/2018 17:30

He can't have it both ways, what a selfish, childish prick. You told him you need help, he's told you he couldn't give a shit and is going out anyway, and then he has the bloody cheek to moan about the help you arranged for yourself from your mum. Total cuntishness. What's wrong with him, is he usually this selfish? Why do you stay?

bunintheoven88 · 04/10/2018 17:31

He doesn't want to stay home but he also doesn't want your DM coming over so your basically damned if you do and damned if you don't. Sounds pretty unfair to me Shock

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 04/10/2018 17:31

So she's eating into your weekend together whilst he's out drinking? How exactly does that make sense?!

That's ignoring all the illness and stuff OP. I'd be giving my husband a swift kick up the arse fit this behaviour. So he's a a stressful week- what about you? Is it all about him? Because from your post it does sound like it

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:32

@SomeKnobend genuinely, he is usually very lovely. That's why I'm so confused about his behaviour! He does his fair share of everything, he's a great dad, looks after me and treats me really well. This week somethings obviously bothering him. I think he's imagining my DM would hang around all Saturday as well, which wouldn't be the case.

OP posts:
Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:34

@GiraffeObsessedBaby honestly he's not a selfish man in the slightest, he would never actually usually do this and usually has a great relationship with DM too! Maybe there's more to this bad mood than I'm seeing.

OP posts:
GiraffeObsessedBaby · 04/10/2018 17:36

I get that OP. But right now he's not acting like it so I think i you're well within your rights to lose your temper at him. If there is something else which is causing the twatty behaviour then he needs to stop sulking and demanding like a teenager and start acting like the husband and father you know him to be!

SomeKnobend · 04/10/2018 17:40

Usually attentive and kind husband, suddenly busy and stressed at work, being a twat to you, desperate to go out with "work friends" even though you're ill and need him at home...? I've had this before - turned out he was having an affair. Being a bit off to create tension or arguments helps with the story they tell themselves that their marriage wasn't going well, rewriting history helps them to justify their actions. Hope that isn't what's going on here op.

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:43

@SomeKnobend oh god, I hope not. I really don't know what I would do.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 04/10/2018 17:46

He’s being unreasonable! Besides he’s going out anyway so your mother being there Friday night shouldn’t effect him or his weekend.

eggncress · 04/10/2018 17:49

Yes he’s being a selfish twat. You deserve some rest, so let DM come and stay and ask her to stay Sunday as well Flowers

eggncress · 04/10/2018 17:50

I meant Saturday and Sunday ! Wink

IWishIHadEvenMorePlasticTat · 04/10/2018 17:53

He’s being a selfish cock. Why is he so desperate to go out with his mates?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 17:53

I think the mention of an affair is a bit dramatic!

To me it sounds like he wants a pint after work because he's had a stressful week or whatever and instead of coming home and pitching in with the baby and DS, he's thought that he'd shirk all of that and go to the pub. Which imo is pretty selfish given the rought time the OP has had.

Then he's pissed off because he doesn't want his MIL there at the start of the weekend. He wants his cake and to eat it.

TheWernethWife · 04/10/2018 17:54

"Cook him a lovely meal" wtf - he has two choices, stay at home or go out so that your mum can come and let you sleep. Selfish twat.

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