To think DH is being selfish?

[lexi727]

Usually my DH is genuinely the most wonderful man in the world and I couldn't wish for a better husband. However, this week he is getting on my tits.

DS aged 2 and I have only just recovered from a chest infection and now this week I have come down with the flu. I am knackered, we have an 8 week old DD who does not sleep and he works full time. He has a slight cold that he is moaning about non stop which is driving me crazy about in itself but now he has just sent me a text from work saying that tomorrow night him and a few work friends are going out for a few drinks after work.

Usually I wouldn't mind this, but I am so bloody poorly! DS is driving me up the wall, DD won't stop screaming. I was hoping that he would get home at half 6, take the kids from me and just give me the weekend to try and recover. I had a moan to DM about it and she said she would come and stop over Friday night so that I could get a proper nights sleep. Have told DH this is what's happening and he's had a little hissy fit that he wants the weekend to himself etc no visitors since he's had a busy week at work.

I have pointed out that if he comes home straight away then I wouldn't need DM to come and give me a hand but he says he's desperate for a drink with his mates after the week he's had 🙄. He's also said I'm selfish for letting my DM come over as its 'eating into our weekend together'

So, AIBU for letting my DM come over and help out for one night? Or should I just suck it up and go another night with 3 hours sleep? I'm

He's being a selfish twat

He is being selfish, and also extremely short-sighted. His options are to go out and come home to a (hopefully) well rested, not frazzled to a crisp DW because you’ve had help from DM, or go out and come home to you being exhausted and pissed off because you’ve had to manage alone. Which does he think is most likely to result in a pleasant weekend for him?

I bet your mum can read him like a book, OP.

YANBU The hardest time with my two DDs was when I was ill and trying to parent by myself, and one of the kids started vomiting too. It's the only time I called my DH at work in tears and asked him to come home, and the only time I sat literally staring at the clock counting down the minutes until he arrived.

It doesn't sound as if you're quite at that stage yet ;) But even so, you've been hugely understanding already in not getting annoyed at him going out drinking and leaving you with the childcare while you're ill. For him to then dictate that you can't seek help from your family is totally out of line.

If he's normally kind, it would be worth giving him the benefit of the doubt. Did you leave him alone with both kids while he had his cold? I assume not, so he probably doesn't understand how hard it is. He may need it to be pointed out to him.

So how does his hangover fit into family time on the Saturday

You can have a moment of twatish behaviour without being a twat - this is his

Point out the only selfish person is the one leaving his ill wife to cope on her own with a 2 year old and 8 week old. Your mum is coming and will stay as long as you need her too/she is happy to. The only person eating into family weekend time is him and if he is thinking his gentle hangover time will be stopped ask him exactly who would be looking after his wife and children then

He is being incredibly selfish do not let this be the pattern now you have two children

He’s being very unreasonable. He probably only doesn’t want your mum over as he knows she’ll see how selfish he is and he’ll feel awkward if he gets back and she’s in the house.

I don't think he's an asshole or a prick like others are saying-that seems a bit strong!! Saying that the person who works doesn't get that that the person at home needs help because the kids are that young and they're not getting a break. He thinks he had the difficult week and expects that on a Friday night his family will be there and ready when he wants them. Me and DH used to have this argument when the kids were babies-he couldn't get that I needed a break/him/someone else there after a long week on my own. And you were sick! Yanbu. Tell him to enjoy his drinks but your dm is coming and if he doesn't like it he shouldn't have made plans (I'm site you've said this already!!)

I find it really weird to describe someone as 'the most wonderful man in the world' anyway, and then when coupled with really selfish dickish behaviour to the mum/8 week old and toddler who are all sick, it's difficult to know what to make of this claim. Surely wonderful people are usually even more wonderful when you are ill, not horrible?

It does come over like he's used to you doing a lot with the children, him going out when he likes, and not wanting that to change. As for controlling who is in the house even when he's not actually in it, this just isn't wonderful in any sense.

Why characterise people as wonderful when they are clearly not- surely he's just normal (a bit inconsiderate and selfish on occasions)!

He's home now. With flowers. He's said sorry, has admitted he's been a twat and he's happy for DM to come over tomorrow to help. He's going to pay for a takeaway and some wine when she comes. I'll blame it on work stress, this time. Next time definitely not.

I’m sick. Someone needs to look after me and the dc, I have an 8 week old baby I’m caring for. Obviously choice 1 would be the man who loves me and is the dcs father. But Friday he’s going drinking so my kind mother has stepped in. Saturday he’s moaning about quality time with me, but he’s actually going to be hungover not caring for us so my kind mother is stepping in. Dh, feel free to step up and look after me and your children and then my mother can go back to her weekend. Or, stop moaning. Before I scream.

That’s what I’d send him.

He's home now. With flowers. He's said sorry, has admitted he's been a twat and he's happy for DM to come over tomorrow to help. He's going to pay for a takeaway and some wine when she comes. I'll blame it on work stress, this time. Next time definitely not.

Oh look, the marriage isn't actually falling apart. What a surprise. I'm sure a lot of posters on this thread are a little upset by this news.

Turns out there are actually rational human beings who sometimes make mistakes out there.

Next time, remind him of THIS time. If he's a decent person that should be enough! Good luck.

@Sethis I do often wonder why there are so many people on mumsnet who seem to actively want marriages to end.

Thank you!

why are there so many threads on here where the op tells us what dick her partner is, we all call him a dick and then the OP goes on and on about how lovely he really is, well no he isn't is he? You have the flu and an 8 week old, he shouldnt; be going out but to go out and then complain that you have asked for help from your DM is just horrendous!

I think they think 'he may be a vile twat, but he's my vile twat.'

No one is saying LTB, but all this 'he's genuinely the most wonderful man in the world' when he sounds a knob is vomit inducing.

I love my DH but all the grating about DH being 'amazing' and 'brilliant' is so false.

I get the works drinks and obvioisly you do too OP. Perhaps he was feeling a bit embarrassed that you've asked your mum for help when it should have been him helping you and helping with the kids. He may feel as though your mum thinks he has chosen going out with his work colleagues over looking after his family, depending on how you asked your mum for help. Glad it's sorted now though. Yeh to and takeaway tomorrow!

@Shoobydooby09 you were exactly on the money! We've had a chat about it and he's said he was embarrassed that he hadn't realised that I was in need of help to the point where my DM needed to come over!

@Havaina he's been a knob tonight, but that doesn't make me think he's any less wonderful. If he was a knob every night, then I would be saying something different.

Snap sorry op, I type slowly. Perhaps you could gently suggest that next time he feels awkward and embarrassed as he realises he’s being a bit selfish , that he remember this and doesn’t then compound it by being a knob to you to boot?

Hope you feel better soon op

I agree he can’t have it both ways. Either he comes home and helps or your mum comes. Simple

Ps OP, I agree with you. Partners can be wonderful 99% of the time and twats 1%. And I think women are just as bad sometimes?!

Glad to hear he's seen sense. We can all be twats at times, but the ability to see it, genuinely apologise and make amends is what makes us liveable with.