Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being selfish?

71 replies

lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:22

Usually my DH is genuinely the most wonderful man in the world and I couldn't wish for a better husband. However, this week he is getting on my tits.

DS aged 2 and I have only just recovered from a chest infection and now this week I have come down with the flu. I am knackered, we have an 8 week old DD who does not sleep and he works full time. He has a slight cold that he is moaning about non stop which is driving me crazy about in itself but now he has just sent me a text from work saying that tomorrow night him and a few work friends are going out for a few drinks after work.

Usually I wouldn't mind this, but I am so bloody poorly! DS is driving me up the wall, DD won't stop screaming. I was hoping that he would get home at half 6, take the kids from me and just give me the weekend to try and recover. I had a moan to DM about it and she said she would come and stop over Friday night so that I could get a proper nights sleep. Have told DH this is what's happening and he's had a little hissy fit that he wants the weekend to himself etc no visitors since he's had a busy week at work.

I have pointed out that if he comes home straight away then I wouldn't need DM to come and give me a hand but he says he's desperate for a drink with his mates after the week he's had 🙄. He's also said I'm selfish for letting my DM come over as its 'eating into our weekend together'

So, AIBU for letting my DM come over and help out for one night? Or should I just suck it up and go another night with 3 hours sleep? I'm

OP posts:
Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 17:55

@IWishIHadEvenMorePlasticTat the company they work for has managed to close a massive deal to acquire another company - celebration drinks I suppose! I used to work there, so I can understand why he's so excited because it's a big deal. It's not the drinks thing I'm pissed off about, it's the fact he's so against my DM coming over!

OP posts:
cptartapp · 04/10/2018 17:55

But he's not worried about his MIL eating into her weekend looking after his children whilst he's at the pub? What if she's had a busy week? Yes he's selfish, not your DM's job. He needs to prioritise and step up.

Sethis · 04/10/2018 17:55

Why don't you simply copy and paste your entire first message into a text and send it to him?

Failing that, have a conversation where you verbally explain literally everything you said in this thread?

I mean, if he's usually a lovely guy then maybe he simply doesn't clock how this is affecting you this week, and if he works full time he doesn't really get how tiresome the kids have been lately.

And for gods sake people, stop telling her it might be the end of the marriage. What the hell is wrong with you?

guest2013 · 04/10/2018 17:59

When does he get a break if he works full time and then looks after the kids alone all weekend while you recover from your cold.
Let him have tomorrow evening, struggle through without your mum.. in exchange for at least Saturday afternoon childfree so you can get some rest.

Breakfastofmilk · 04/10/2018 17:59

Could your mum take you back to hers for the weekend with the kids? That way you get some much needed looking after and he gets the weekend by himself to reflect on what a monumental twat he's being

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 18:01

When does he get a break if he works full time and then looks after the kids alone all weekend while you recover from your cold

When his wife hasn't got flu and his tiny baby is sleeping through a bit more might be a start!

garethsouthgatesmrs · 04/10/2018 18:02

why are there so many threads on here where the op tells us what dick her partner is, we all call him a dick and then the OP goes on and on about how lovely he really is, well no he isn't is he? You have the flu and an 8 week old, he shouldnt; be going out but to go out and then complain that you have asked for help from your DM is just horrendous!

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 18:03

@Breakfastofmilk she could have DS but DD is only 8 weeks! That is an idea though!

OP posts:
Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 18:04

@garethsouthgatesmrs I didn't call him a dick though, did I?

OP posts:
Conseulabananahammock · 04/10/2018 18:05

I am the only one who smells a rat??

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 18:05

@guest2013 he usually does a 4 day week! Just the last few weeks he's been doing more work than usual. He gets breaks all the bloody time, trust me!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 04/10/2018 18:05

Tell him its him going out that is eating into it - so either he goes out or your mum stays over

safetyfreak · 04/10/2018 18:08

I do notice a common theme in these threads "My husband is just a man, you know"

That explains why he is a twat okay.

Seriously though, nip this in the bud NOW OP or your end up like another poster on this forum whose husband is a total entitled, lazy dick.

HeartburnCentral · 04/10/2018 18:08

YADNBU. In those circumstances, you are 100% in the right. Tell your DH to get over himself. Man up or Mam up - his choice. It is jumping the gun to suggest he is having an affair imo.

Prettysureitsnotok · 04/10/2018 18:08

He’s being a bellend. Sneeze on him in his sleep.

Thatstheendofmytether · 04/10/2018 18:09

He's desperate for a drink? That doesn't sound great.

YANBU he is being a twat. I would be telling him to take his face for a shite!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 18:13

So it's not just a drink drink? But a drink to celebrate the close of a huge deal? So that could explain why he's keen to go?

In that case I'd let him decide if he's going or not but I would tell him that your mum will definitely be staying over if he goes.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 04/10/2018 18:15

Usually my DH is genuinely the most wonderful man in the world

I don't think so.

adaline · 04/10/2018 18:15

Tell him if he doesn't want your DM to come over, he can come home from work and help his wife! He doesn't get to opt out and leave you struggling.

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 18:17

@GreatDuckCookery yeah! I completely understand why he wants to go. I would want to go if I still worked there. I just don't understand his random objection to my DM being there. But he's got no choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 18:21

Just to make this VERY clear to everyone. My husband is not having an affair. He treats me with respect, he is a great dad, we have a wonderful relationship. I don't need anybody to tell me that he is a vile man, that he's a twat, that he's cheating on me, that I need to leave. None of that is the case.

He is being selfish today, but there have been times where I have been selfish too.

OP posts:
Gersemi · 04/10/2018 18:25

He's also said I'm selfish for letting my DM come over as its 'eating into our weekend together'

I hope you've asked him how come the drinking session with the lads doesn't eat into your weekend together? He may have had a bad week at work, but it simply doesn't compare to coping with a chest infection, flu and coping with a toddler and an 8 week old baby. He has two choices: come home and help, or stop being an arse about your mother helping. The option of leaving you with no help at all should not ever have entered his head.

I must say, I don't usually advocate violence, but if my husband came out with a dickhead remark like that I'd be seriously tempted to kick him in the gonads.

IdahoCrow · 04/10/2018 18:26

Ok, well maybe he has reasons for not wanting to see your mum. Is she normally a perceptive person?

Gersemi · 04/10/2018 18:28

When does he get a break if he works full time and then looks after the kids alone all weekend while you recover from your cold.

Way to go with minimising there, @guest2013. Could you explain precisely how, in your head, a chest infection and flu equates to a cold?

And did you miss the fact that OP is offering him a break? All she has done is to arrange for her mother to help so he can still have his evening out. But he would rather leave her to struggle on with no help at all just so that her mother won't be there overnight.

Original poster
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 18:30

@IdahoCrow my DM is a very lovely, but a very loud Irish lady. I think he is thinking that she might be hanging around all day on Saturday too, and that will not team well with his inevitable hangover! That's just a guess though.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread