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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my daughter have a day off school?

84 replies

purple8pig · 04/10/2018 14:52

Dd 10 is I think feeling hormonal recently, she has 3 siblings (one is 2 and very demanding, another is 8 and in the process of being assessed for autism and also takes a lot of attention)

The last few weeks she's been having small problems with different people at school, she's tired, she's just emotional. Says the usual things, "you only care about my brother /sister" she doesn't like school and wants to move etc

There's nothing major and she does have friends and is going to a party this weekend that she's looking forward to, I just feel like she needs something, a gesture maybe. Something to make her feel warm and special.

I thought about giving her a mental health day so to speak. But I'm not sure if that's really irresponsible? I think a long weekend would do her good especially without her sister, and she's very rarely off school poorly.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Deadringer · 04/10/2018 16:58

I would 100% give her a day off and have some time together. Life is short, make the most of it.

Bluewidow · 04/10/2018 16:59

Do it, just explain its a one off treat day that won't be happening again. My son sometimes can't cope with school all the time and I've told
The headteacher that sometimes when he's feeling the strain I will pick him
Up an hour earlier. Perhaps you could do this or let her have a lovely lie in and take her in a little later- perhaps treat her to a breakfast out.

MozzieMagnet · 04/10/2018 17:01

Do it.
And I used to be a teacher.
The pressure of being so-called neurotypical with siblings on the spectrum/high needs is intense - My eldest is much much older than yours but I still need to do 1-1/duvet day with her as often as I can to try and even it out because she's right, her siblings do get more attention at the moment.
Interestingly there is meant to be a push towards mental health in schools atm -
www.annafreud.org/what-we-do/schools-in-mind/resources-for-schools/we-all-have-mental-health-animation-teacher-toolkit/
and there is a parents' guide
www.annafreud.org/what-we-do/schools-in-mind/resources-for-schools/advice-for-parent-and-carers-talking-mental-health-with-young-people-at-secondary-school/
I am aware that lovebombing only goes so far and I also would not want to get caught in town but my DD still fondly remembers an illicit duvet day with Cake and Brew watching a season of Bake Off together.
And I don't regret it for a second.

Fatasfook · 04/10/2018 17:02

I sometimes give my daughter a very rare day off when she is emotional and tired and needs a bit of tlc and attention. She has a SEN sibling and copes with a lot. It’s good for her.

QueenOfToast · 04/10/2018 17:02

Can you arrange childcare for the other children on a Saturday or Sunday so that you can have a few hours doing something on your own with DD?

Good luck with the High School open evening.

colouringinpro · 04/10/2018 17:03

I definitely would. As the reception teacher upthread said, teaching self-care is important in a society of soaring mental illness rates. She'll know it's a one off and in my experience with my own DCs, just one day can make a huge difference.

Meltedicicle · 04/10/2018 17:03

Completely understand where you’re coming from as I’m in a similar situation although it’s my eldest who has SEN but no, I wouldn’t do it. I think it sends out the wrong message although it comes with good intentions. Half term is coming up, can the other 2 go with a grandparent, other relative or friend and you do something then with her? My DD goes to mencap sessions which frees up time on the occasional weekend or in the hols to do things with her sister. Is something like that an option?

Nicknamesalltaken · 04/10/2018 17:07

@Waxonfeckoff I’m sorry for your loss. Your post has both tugged at my heart strings but made me so pleased I do this for mine.

kaytee87 · 04/10/2018 17:11

In this situation I would but I'd make sure she knew it was a once a year thing at most and a special day to be spent together.

More and more young children are being diagnosed with depression but people are still over looking it.

multiplemum3 · 04/10/2018 17:16

I think you should, one day off isn't going to kill her education. Plus some things are more important than a school day sometimes.

Daffodils78 · 04/10/2018 17:21

It's a difficult one. As an adult I believe whole heartedly in the odd day off to rest/recoup/deal with all hell of holy hormones. Because life is tough and "days off" mean days off for my kids so no one gets any rest. But it does set a bad precedent with teenagers. Tbh I think I'll let my daughter have the whole week off the first time she gets her period, but then as an endometriosis sufferer on some serious pain medicine these days (so I don't have to skive, oh the irony!) I might be particularly sensitive to that plight. Girls are bitchy, school is tough, and although nobody got anywhere in life skiving off everything (plus some things aren't skiveable in the adult world!) self care is important too. If you do it just let her know, it's a one off. And then put on a movie, or a face pack, heat some popcorn, get out the pink nail polish, run a hot bubble bath, and enjoy 😂

PatchworkGirl · 04/10/2018 17:28

I think it sounds amazing and will be really go for you both. Yes, it's important to teach kinds that school isn't 'optional' but it's also important for everyone to allow themseleves a break sometimes.
Some people seem to absorb the message that school/work isn't optional so strongly that they work themselves into the ground.

thegrinningfox · 04/10/2018 17:35

I received it, did it and will do it again. Does everyone a lot of good and it does not mean that achool is optional and never did set a precedent.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/10/2018 18:28

Thanks Nicknamesalltaken really missing my mum at the moment. So many milestones that I just want to share with her and can't. Feeling gutted for DSs that they have no grandparents, no-one to say well done on passing their exams or driving test or say they look handsome in their prom suit. :(

So, it's nice to think about those days when she was just my mum and didn't belong to anyone else. I have a couple of similar memories of my Dad who sadly died when he was only 67 though he didn't take me out of school. He didn't even have a role model of parenthood as he was orphaned by a double suicide when he was a small child. Sounds like a made up story but unfortunately true.

Original poster
purple8pig · 04/10/2018 19:19

thanks everyone! shes eager to get to school tomorrow to discuss high schools with her friends :) but ill feel happier if I need to do this at some point in the future x

OP posts:
lexi727 · 04/10/2018 19:20

@WaxOnFeckOff sending lots of love to you Thanks

BusyMum47 · 04/10/2018 19:40

Do it!! Tell the school she has a temperature & just doesn't feel well. Have a lovely day with her & recharge her emotional batteries. No harm will come of it whatsoever & I think it actually makes you a pretty great mum to see that she needs it! X

MaisyPops · 04/10/2018 19:56

I'd have said I'd understand it if there's a need, but i would be wary of setting the precident that 'tell mum she loves my siblings more = get your own way and a day off'.

Nicknamesalltaken · 04/10/2018 19:59

It sounds as though it’s passed for now. Always good to watch and wait. 😂

Nicknamesalltaken · 04/10/2018 20:00

Didn’t mean to put the 😂 in there!

Beautifulblue · 04/10/2018 20:05

Yes. Do it! It sounds lovely & like she could really benefit from a day with you, I bet she'll be so excited. She will also recognise you're listening to her. I don't under the big fuss about ONE day! Yes, of course kids have to go to school regularly & it shouldn't be an every month thing but you're a long time bloody dead!

sonlypuppyfat · 04/10/2018 20:08

I'd do it, I think schools over rated anyway

twosunbathingdogs · 04/10/2018 20:15

It’s a balance. I used to let both DC have the occasional duvet day if they seemed particularly fraught/tired, but would send them in if there was any hint of skiving. Sometimes I got it wrong - I once mistakenly sent a DC in with an untreated fractured limb Blush. Both children did well academically so the odd day off didn’t have any negative impact

Canshopwillshop · 04/10/2018 21:47

@purple8pig that’s great that she really wants to go in tomorrow. You can keep the duvet day up your sleeve for another time.

Loyaultemelie · 04/10/2018 22:17

I actually think this would be a good idea. My 8 year old is going through the same thing as yours and it's tough, she is my eldest but I struggle sometimes so an older sibling is bound to. If she is rarely off just make it clear it's not going to be a regular thing and you will be hardline about that and let her enjoy some relaxed time with you