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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my daughter have a day off school?

84 replies

purple8pig · 04/10/2018 14:52

Dd 10 is I think feeling hormonal recently, she has 3 siblings (one is 2 and very demanding, another is 8 and in the process of being assessed for autism and also takes a lot of attention)

The last few weeks she's been having small problems with different people at school, she's tired, she's just emotional. Says the usual things, "you only care about my brother /sister" she doesn't like school and wants to move etc

There's nothing major and she does have friends and is going to a party this weekend that she's looking forward to, I just feel like she needs something, a gesture maybe. Something to make her feel warm and special.

I thought about giving her a mental health day so to speak. But I'm not sure if that's really irresponsible? I think a long weekend would do her good especially without her sister, and she's very rarely off school poorly.

Aibu?

OP posts:
user838383 · 04/10/2018 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedSkyLastNight · 04/10/2018 16:06

You would surely be better to carve out some time that you can regularly spend just the two of you? Or this problem will just arise again next month or a few weeks down the line.

Feefeetrixabelle · 04/10/2018 16:08

I would first check she won’t lose out on anything like an attendance award. And then I would probably book her an appointment for something she needs doing- opticians/dentist etc so she can’t use it as an excuse that you let her have a day off before. And then I would keep her off for the whole day and couple it with something fun

Gersemi · 04/10/2018 16:10

Can't you just arrange the MH day on a Saturday or Sunday? Or wait the relatively short time till half term and do it then?

Canshopwillshop · 04/10/2018 16:10

YANBU - I would certainly do it and have done in the past. It is not setting a precedent, it’s a special one off day and it sounds like you could both do with it. I hope you decide to do it and you both have a lovely day.

Saltedcaramelcake · 04/10/2018 16:14

Giving your child the day off because she's emotional and is a bit tired? What are you going to tell school? I'm pretty sure they'd suggest an earlier bedtime if she's tired. It's not a valid reason to be off. Do you ring in work and say "I'm a tad emotional and tired today, think I'm going to have a duvet day", I'd guess not. Do something nice at the weekend with her, allowing days off like this does not send out a good message to her, she'll be starting high school and thinking it's ok to take days off because she doesn't feel like going to school.

weaving5688 · 04/10/2018 16:18

we have exempted DD from the odd thing she finds hard and immediately, the next day, she refused to go to school on the basis that if it was ok once...be very careful how you position this. It sounds really tough, but ideally you need to carve out some non school time to make her feel special. You know this, you sound really tired too, I don't think it's the end of the world but you may find she demands your time even more when she remembers what she's missing, and that it backfires in other ways.

Original poster
purple8pig · 04/10/2018 16:20

Wow polar opposite responses here 🙈 I wouldn't normally do this and never have before. Its more than a bit tired and emotional, I can just see in her that she needs, something?

She's come home today though full of beans and hyper because we have a high school open evening tonight, but if feels like the kind of excitement that will turn into tears if you know what I mean. If she seems fine the rest of the evening I'll send her tomorrow but if I feel she needs it I won't feel too awful as a lot of you said you'd do the same x

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 04/10/2018 16:23

I would give her a day off as a one off!

Itsnotabingthingisit · 04/10/2018 16:24

I've never thought about this before, but that actually sounds like a really worthwhile thing to do.

Obviously there is a possibility that she will try and get further days off, so I would imagine she will need to realise what a special one off this is.

I'd say go for it. You can just tell the school that you are keeping her off as she looks a bit under the weather.

BretonStripe · 04/10/2018 16:26

My 7yo had a day off the other day because he was knackered and had.a cold. It was so lovely to snuggle with him under the duvet on the sofa and spoil him with 1:1 time (his sibling was at school). He loved it, and recovered quickly. He seldom has time off sick so I didn't mind.

I'd do it in your position OP. Hope your dd enjoys the open evening and feels better soon Flowers

HelenMummyof2 · 04/10/2018 16:27

I would do it - your reasons are good and I think one day can’t hurt. I’m sure she’ll get lots out of it xx

Canshopwillshop · 04/10/2018 16:27

OP - you know her best, go with your instincts. As I said I’ve done this with both my DC and it’s been really appreciated and enjoyable. They both realise it’s a rare occurrence and I’ve never had any problems getting them to school at other times. Both have always had over 95% attendance.

Foodylicious · 04/10/2018 16:28

It's up to you how you do it, but I have heard of others taking DCs temperature in the morning and telling them they are not going with a high temp.

Then drop other kids at school, trip to supermarket for magazine and snacks then spend the day watching films etc with you

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/10/2018 16:30

I'm the youngest of 7 to parents that both worked. I was also never off ill. twice my mum gave me an extra day off when I was in primary - siblings were all adults or teenagers by this time - just to do something with her. One day we went to the beach, the other we went to the cinema and had chips after. Those days were wonderful. I'm in my 50s now and both parents have passed away, my mum just in April. I cherish those memories. I wish that I'd take the time to do the same with my own DC to be honest.

Magair · 04/10/2018 16:31

I would but I'd probably wait a bit.... they've just come back from summer and sometimes I feel that having a day off too soon after a long break is a bit unsettling.... a day off in the middle of s long stretch feels a bit more justifiable somehow? I would plan a day nearer Christmas and do some crafty bits or go out for a couple of hours.

Luckyme2 · 04/10/2018 16:31

I think if it was just a case of her feeling tired, overwhelmed, hormonal and in need of some special time with you I would say do it. What gives me 2nd thoughts though is that part of her issues are to do with school itself and by letting her stay home she's "avoiding" those issues and may try to do it again when friendship issues get too much (which they often do!) or if she continues with disliking school. So I'm afraid I'm in the no camp here but not dogmatically so (if you know what I mean). If there was no dislike of school involved I'd say no harm, but I think there might be in this case.

Soubriquet · 04/10/2018 16:34

Oh let her have one day.

It won’t hurt her to have one day every other month as a mental health day

SD1978 · 04/10/2018 16:41

@Saltedcaramelcake- actually yes- with 24 hours notice we are allowed one 'duvet' day a year. Have never used it myself, but more businesses are recognising that sometimes people need time to breathe- and that it's not a bad thing or a negative thing, and can stop more sick leave being taken through stress and anxiety boiling over.

namechange4000 · 04/10/2018 16:42

If she was an adult and went to her GP, she would probably be offered a sick note.

An adult who needs a day off to get to grips with their mental health will not be told off by their line manager.

She's a child and at school. That means both you and school need to have an input on good mental health. Speak to the school and explain what you are seeing at home, and what you think will help her.

Is there no chance of you being able to take her away for one night, stay in a hotel or spa. Get a groupon deal. It should not be completely impossible to spend 121 time with your child. I think if you can solve this bit, you will see a massive improvement. She needs to know you have time for her.

Member869894 · 04/10/2018 16:46

Go for it. It sounds like it will be a positive experience for both of you. I have done it with all of my children on occasion. We call them our mental health days.

ModreB · 04/10/2018 16:48

I used to do this with DS1. DS2 had exeptional medical and SEN needs, so was in hospital on a regular basis. After each time, I would plan a DS1 and me day, so he had the chance of 1:1 attention for a day. It was about once a term, and he got to choose what we did.

He is now nearly 30, and said that the chance to be himself without anyone else there to look after was magical for him, and made him appreciate his brother more than he would have done if he had felt sidelined.

lexi727 · 04/10/2018 16:50

I would definitely do so. My DM used to give me a maximum of 2 'mental health days' every year. They were the only days I ever took off school - I still did very well and my mental health massively improved because of it. She was a nurse in a psychiatric ward at the time, so had plenty of experience with MH issues.

akerman · 04/10/2018 16:50

I would.
I think she might look back on that day as a time when she was put first and made to feel really special, and this will be all the more the case since it is a one-off. Give her that time, OP. She'll love it and so will you.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 04/10/2018 16:52

Yes without a doubt I would! Wouldn't think twice.
My mum worked full time when I was growing up and she occasionally let me have a day off when she was off so we could spend time together. It was brilliant and I loved it. Never had any affect on my school work and i will be doing the same for my dd's.
Have a lovely time op