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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting up at weekends, AIBU

70 replies

MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 04/10/2018 13:55

I have two DC, aged 9 and 6. At weekends they get up between 7 and 8 and go down and watch tv. I get up around 9, let them finish the programme they are on then switch off for breakfast. DP works long hours (as I do) and wants to stay in bed longer, and wants me to stay too, he thinks there’s no problem with DCs watching tv until 10 or 11. I think this is too long so I get up but he has a lie in. I get a bit resentful of this but maybe IABU as he’s not their parent. Should he get up too, should I carry on as I am, should I have more of a lie in too?

OP posts:
Aprilislonggone · 04/10/2018 13:57

Long lie in each one of the week end days.My dh also tries to gate crash my lie in for reasons of his own.... Blush
Cf!!

SpottingTheZebras · 04/10/2018 13:57

Surely you are both doing what you want to in the mornings and that is fine. Why are you resentful of him having a longer lie in when you don’t have to get up but choose to do so?

Original poster
MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 04/10/2018 13:58

Forgot to say that DCs go to their dad EOW so we both have a lie in then, this only applies to the weekends we have DCs

OP posts:
RonniePickering · 04/10/2018 13:58

I do think they’re a bit young to be left unattended for a possible 4 hours on their own, but it should be taken in turns to get up with them imo.

If he’s living with you as a family, anyway.

Original poster
MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 04/10/2018 14:00

April my DP would like me to be in bed with him, not lie in alone if you catch my drift Grin

OP posts:
ArianwenTheAstronaut · 04/10/2018 14:01

I’m with zebras; I don’t really see why you’re feeling resentful. I couldn’t lie in much later than 9 anyway, but my dcs are younger so we don’t get a choice! 8 is a lie in for us at the moment.

I’d just carry on doing what you’re doing. Get up when you want or when you feel like the dcs have been downstairs on their own long enough.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/10/2018 14:03

I think 10/11 would be too late especially as you have every other weekend to lie in longer!

MsVestibule · 04/10/2018 14:04

YABU. I would do the same as you, as I think an hour or two is long enough for children that age to be by themselves. However, your DP doesn't feel this way and that's his prerogative. I would be pissed of that a good chunk of the day was wasted with his lie-ins but not because he wasn't 'taking his turn'.

AND they're at their dads EOW, do a minor issue that only happens 4 days a month really isn't worth being pissed off about.

Rainycloudyday · 04/10/2018 14:06

I can't imagine lying in bed half the morning while leaving children of that age to entertain themselves, especially as you have every other weekend to yourself. A lie in yes but wasting half the day when you only get 50% of weekends with the children? What about making the most of weekend family time? Hours in front of the tv while your DH gets his 'lie in' Hmm with you is rubbish for the children. I'm sure others will disagree but I think it's incredibly lazy. 9am is plenty late enough.

Quartz2208 · 04/10/2018 14:08

Yes 11am for two weekends a week is far too long to be leaving them downstairs and not doing anything

he really is not on board with you having kids or how kids work if he thinks that lie in until 11am are part and parcel of parenting

You put your kids first and spending time with them at the weekend and carry on as you do. he gets two weekends a month they get two weekends a month of their mum spending time with them and not parking them in front of a tv so she can have sex with her boyfriend

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 04/10/2018 14:09

Exactly, you can have your nudge nudge wink wink Wink lie in on the weekend without dcs. Or get up early for the nudge nudge wink wink part Grin.

Sirzy · 04/10/2018 14:12

Surely on your weekend with them you want to be with them anyway not leaving them to their own devices while your in bed!

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2018 14:13

Yep I think it's too late to be getting up. They'd be starving by 10/11am! I don't think it's fair that they should have to fend for themselves. I like to make the most of my weekends with my LOs

RabbityMcRabbit · 04/10/2018 14:15

You can both have a lie in EOW when the children go to their dad's. Make the most of family time when they're with you at the weekend. What do you want them to remember when they grow up? Lovely weekends with mum and dp doing stuff, or having to watch TV whilst you and your partner get it on in the other room?! Get a grip OP!!

bridgetreilly · 04/10/2018 14:29

I don't think it's fair that they should have to fend for themselves.

I really think a 9yo and 6yo should be more than capable of getting their own breakfast at the weekend. Even if you're up, you don't need to be doing everything for them.

LaDameAuxLicornes · 04/10/2018 14:31

I agree with zebras. It's up to you as the parent whether or not you get up, and how long you're happy for them to watch TV. There's also nothing wrong with your DP wanting a bit of time to chill out in bed on a Saturday morning, and there's definitely no reason why he should be getting up with the kids when a) he doesn't personally see anything wrong with them watching TV for a bit longer and b) he's not their dad. You could also do things differently on different weekends: there's no reason why there has to be one rigid pattern of events every time. Maybe sometimes you and DP might both get up at 9 together and head out with the kids for a family activity, while at other weekends you could get up to give them a bowl of cereal and switch off the TV, then encourage them to find something else to do for an hour while you and DP have a relaxed cup of tea in bed.

PhilomenaButterfly · 04/10/2018 14:32

Funky a 9 and 6yo can definitely get cereal.

shearwater · 04/10/2018 14:32

I think as you only have them every other weekend, it would be nice to get up and have breakfast with them. You can spend all day in bed when they aren't there, if you want to.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2018 14:33

I think yabu. They're old enough to get their own breakfast. Or the ten yo can make it for the 6yo if nec. If you don't want them watching tv for that much time, just tell them they can watch till 9. I think your dp is choosing to lie in bed which is fine, you're choosing that you don't want your dc to watch too much tv, but that's your look out.

britnay · 04/10/2018 14:35

Why would they be starving? Surely at that age they'd be expected to be able to make their own breakfast?!

peachgreen · 04/10/2018 14:38

They can fend for themselves but if I only had my kids every other weekend I'd save the long lie ins for my weekend off and spend as much time with them as possible. I'd be annoyed that your DP isn't playing a full role in family life.

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 04/10/2018 14:40

I really think a 9yo and 6yo should be more than capable of getting their own breakfast at the weekend. Even if you're up, you don't need to be doing everything for them.

Exactly! It's not as if they're toddlers. They're in the same house, not alone and 'fending for themselves'. I suppose all kids are different though, depends on how sensible they are as to what havoc they could cause downstairs. But I presume they'll just be pouring some cereal and milk into a bowl and watching TV. Hardly the end of the world on the odd occasion you have no plans that day and you fancy a lie in.

Fresta · 04/10/2018 14:40

Go both should go to bed earlier and get up with your kids! Lazy gits.

randomwoman123 · 04/10/2018 14:41

I'd be annoyed with him, because what about trips out or doing stuff around the house or just playing with the kids? It means half the day is wasted if you're waiting for him to get up before you can do anything together as a family.

LusaCole · 04/10/2018 14:41

In our house, I get up when the DC do. They don't really need me to, as the youngest is 9 now, but I don't mind (I tend to be an early riser anyway). DH likes to lie in a bit later, and that's fine too.

So personally I think your set up is fine and no need to change anything. YABU to be resentful of DP but he's also BU to want you to stay in bed with him.