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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting up at weekends, AIBU

70 replies

MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 04/10/2018 13:55

I have two DC, aged 9 and 6. At weekends they get up between 7 and 8 and go down and watch tv. I get up around 9, let them finish the programme they are on then switch off for breakfast. DP works long hours (as I do) and wants to stay in bed longer, and wants me to stay too, he thinks there’s no problem with DCs watching tv until 10 or 11. I think this is too long so I get up but he has a lie in. I get a bit resentful of this but maybe IABU as he’s not their parent. Should he get up too, should I carry on as I am, should I have more of a lie in too?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 04/10/2018 14:42

see to me its not about whether the kids can fend for themselves its the fact that her partner is actually saying he wants her to be spending time in bed with him rather than the kids. So in effect she should prioritise him and lose out on time with her children.

4 hours out of a weekend when you dont seem much of them during the week and you dont have them at all EOW is a lot. And is a very telling move by her partner. The TV/breakfast are all a smoke screen I think to the real issue - he is jealous of her children

Molokonono · 04/10/2018 14:46

Growing up knowing mummy and step-daddy are shagging every weekend morning until 11am whilst you are both left on your own = a real rounded childhood right?

LydiaLunch9 · 04/10/2018 14:46

He wants you to "lie in" with him for 3 hours? Wouldn't half an hour enough for that?

SD1978 · 04/10/2018 14:47

So he wants to stay in bed until 10- if you have an activity planned with the kids does he happily get up and participate in the day? Is this juts on the occasions where there is nothing planned? He wants you both to stay in bed and bonk until 11, and then get up? I'm not quite sure why he needs to get up and take his turn, given the children are at their dads every second week , and I would imagine you want to spend time with them without the school rush when they are with you? I would have thought an hour or two with the three of you would be quite nice for you and them

MinecraftHolmes · 04/10/2018 14:53

I'd be worried if a 9 and 6 year old couldn't get themselves something to eat in the morning. My DC are 3 and 5 and get themselves an apple in the morning before I sort out their breakfast.

I think your DP is being a bit U to expect you to be happy to waste half the day in bed on the weekends you have your DC.

Jlynhope · 04/10/2018 14:55

Honestly I think it's weird to have your kids get up without you especially since they aren't with you all the time. I would get up with them and spend time just the three of you.

abacucat · 04/10/2018 14:59

We would be left at this age until my mum and dad wanted to get up. If you want to limit TV fair enough, but they are plenty old enough to entertain themselves.

Ragwort · 04/10/2018 14:59

What do You want to do? Having a needy partner expecting me to have a lie in Wink with him every weekend morning would be a right turn off. I am sure my DH would love a lie in every weekend but personally I enjoy getting up and getting on with my day. Technically your children are old enough to get up, watch tv & make their own breakfast but it doesn't make much of a family life does it?

Northernlass99 · 04/10/2018 15:01

What will the kids be thinking though. When they grow up will they look back on those long boring weekends of hanging around whilst mum and partner are bonking upstairs? And they will know what you are doing!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 04/10/2018 15:02

Hold on, your DC aren't there every other weekend so why can't you and your partner lie in on those days?

Your DP knows you have DC but wants you to spend weekend mornings shagging him instead of being with your DC? Not a chance. This is life with DC; if he doesn't want that then he has to consider wether he wants to be with you. The whole "I want you to myself" thing is an ugly trait.

Mildmanneredmum · 04/10/2018 15:05

LydiaLunch9 -"He wants you to "lie in" with him for 3 hours? Wouldn't half an hour enough for that?" Half an hour? Good God, how many times do you do it? I would've thought four or five mins, max.

MiggledyHiggins · 04/10/2018 15:05

He wants you to "lie in" with him for 3 hours? Wouldn't half an hour enough for that?

Exactly. Who is he, Sting?

arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2018 15:06

Some folk are getting a bit carried away with the loss of family time here. We're actually talking about 1 extra hour, possibly two, from current. Nothing about the other 20 odd waking hours of a weekend.

I like my dc to enjoy some down time of a weekend, with nothing structured, no parent in their face demanding fun family outings every waking second of the day.

Thebluedog · 04/10/2018 15:07

I think that’s a bit too long.. my dc get up between 6.15 and 6.45. I can manage maybe a couple of hours but after that all hell tends to break lose, falling out over the tv usually and they start to get bored and restless

HugoBearsMummy · 04/10/2018 15:09

both should go to bed earlier and get up with your kids! Lazy gits.

This ^

LydiaLunch9 · 04/10/2018 15:09

Half an hour? Good God, how many times do you do it?

About 30 Grin

NKFell · 04/10/2018 15:09

Exactly. Who is he, Sting?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/10/2018 15:12

I wouldn't be comfortable with the 6 Yr old getting her own breakfast or expecting the 9 Yr old to look after the 6 yo Inc breakfast for 4 hours just so you can have lots of morning sex.
You have every other weekend without them, every night once they're in bed, and actually a couple of hours the weekends they are there.

3stonedown · 04/10/2018 15:24

Honestly I grew up with this from my mum and step-dad sometimes but my dad and step-mum EOW. It was utterly shit, I hated the weekend mornings, I was lonely and tired of looking after my younger siblings.

Please don't do it, you have EOW for "lie ins"

beachysandy81 · 04/10/2018 15:34

Well it's only every other weekend, I would get up with my kids or I would cuddle up with them in bed and let them watch TV there. Your kids are young - why can't you have sex when they are asleep at night or when they are away for the weekend?

livefornaps · 04/10/2018 15:36

I don't know why you're taking this so lightly, OP.

Listen to the poster above who was lonely at the weekends as a child.

Don't inflict crap weekend mornings on your kids when you don't even have them all the time just so you can bang your DP. Come on.

teenagetantrums · 04/10/2018 15:41

I used to leave mine alone at weekends while l had a lie in. From when they were about 4and 6 They were happy watching tv until about 10am. I would get up and make them breakfast and go back to bed. Although we were in a flat so they were basically in next room.

donajimena · 04/10/2018 15:48

I think you should get up and leave him there. However I also see laying in bed as a waste of a day. Not everyone does.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/10/2018 16:03

Leaving secondary school kids to fend for themselves for a few hours, fine. Leaving infant school kids all morning apart from to quickly throw some food in their direction is just shitty parenting imo.

SpottingTheZebras · 04/10/2018 16:30

Leaving secondary school kids to fend for themselves for a few hours

I think a huge number of secondary school kids would also choose a lie in!